


When I Sense You (Feels like Summer)

by Tae2Junnies



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys In Love, Choi Soobin is Whipped, Choi Yeonjun is soft, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, First Date, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Humor, Im so sorry baby, Kinda, Last Chapter will be Slice of Life, Light Angst, Lots of cameos because we multistan in this bitch, M/M, Mention of different disabilities, Prosopagnosic Yeonjun, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, eventual pining, hyuka comes later, lots of kisses, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2020-03-13 16:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 80,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18944710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tae2Junnies/pseuds/Tae2Junnies
Summary: Prosopagnosia•noun•a neurological condition characterized by the inability to recognize the faces of familiar people.****Since his accident, all Yeonjun wanted was to feel normal. Along the way he meets someone who makes him feel more than he could ask for.





	1. A start of something new

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, this is my first fic on AO3 ever so I’m really excited  
> Basically, I’m a YeonSoo (is that even their ship name, idek) trash and I just love their interaction and TXT in general, so here I am ^^  
> Don’t hesitate to comment and leave kudos
> 
> Anyways thank you for reading it, i love you

The wind was blowing through the backyard leaves, leaving a fresh scent floating in the air. The warm breeze it carried warmed Yeonjun up and reassured him in some ways. He always tended to connect the warmness of the weather to how his day was going to go.

That’s why anything related to the coldness of the stormy night he had his accident made him worried about how his day was going to go. Although, in the meantime he didn’t have to get worried, since today was his first day in college, and he was lying down in his step-brother Taehyung’s backyard. Everything was going to be fine. In theory. He hoped. 

Come to think of it, simply laying in the backyard, basking under the sun, had seemed to be his favorite pastime ever since he moved in. Beomgyu thought it was because he didn’t have to recognize anybody since the only living thing that could be recognized there would be strolling insects at best. But Yeonjun generally didn’t listen at Beomgyu’s wild train of thoughts, even though he was the greatest best friend Yeonjun could ever ask for.

When he left his small city to study at Seoul National University he was as scared as he was excited. Beomgyu had been nothing but supportive and unconditionally happy for him when he got accepted to the prestigious Institution to study music. And even though Yeonjun himself was thrilled, he was going to miss his best friend that was two years younger than him.

They’ve known each other ever since they were children. Some kids tried to bully Beomgyu in the playground and had Yeonjun impulsively come to his rescue when those same bullies pushed him, leaving Beomgyu in a mess of tears. Although it was impulsive and quite stupid because the boy had no strength at the time, Yeonjun had made a good decision by intervening and chasing the bullies away. He had gained a best friend, who’s smile was as bright as his personality. 

At the time Yeonjun had vowed he would always protect Beomgyu from any danger that they would come across in life. And he did, eventually the bullies stopped bothering them and they happily lived their best friendship and childhood. Sometimes, he was wondering if this simple promise he made himself was one of the underlying reasons for his accident. Somehow by promising he would protect his best friend, he had forgotten to protect himself along the way.

His accident wasn’t something he liked to reminisce, but the condition he got with it was enough of a reminder. He still remembered the coldness of the rain that made him shivered as he only felt numbness and straining pain. ‘Faith has it’s ways’ he thought right before the car hit him while he was crossing the street to get back home, that day. At the moment, the only thing he could remember was his promise he made to himself. And even today while he was threading his fingers through the warm grass, he still thought it was ironic. 

The consequences of his accident have been almost miraculous considering he should have died. Beomgyu had still tried to blame himself for the accident, saying he wasn’t there that day to protect him like Yeonjun always had, even though he had nothing to do with any of the events that had occurred back then. Once again, Yeonjun didn’t listen to his best friend wild guessing and train of thoughts, especially when it was self-blame. 

He also couldn’t seem to forget the excruciating emotional pain he felt when he first couldn’t recognize his best friend’s face, once he gained consciousness. If it wasn’t for his unforgettable soft voice, he would have thought he was a mere stranger. It was that day, December 5th of 2014, on his hospital bed, that he learned he had prosopagnosia. 

“You can’t recognize or discern faces anymore Yeonjunnie.”, his mother had explained with the softest voice. Even though, that also applied to her, he couldn’t forget how she looked that day. After his dad died when he was four, they were closer than ever, along with Taehyung. Even though Yeonjun’s dad wasn’t Taehyung’s, the latter considered him as his father as much as Yeonjun did. That’s why the streaming tears on his mother face as she caressed his repeating “It’s going to be fine baby” like a mantra were inked in his mind forever. 

Prosopagnosia, a neurological disease that prevented you from recognizing faces, even from your close ones. It was a case of amnesia that only applied to the face according to the hospital doctor. Everyone was a stranger to him from this point on, himself included. 

Now here he was. Five years later. Trying to act as normal as can be, in a completely new environment. His mother was reluctant to let him leave their hometown considering his condition. Beomgyu and Taehyung had to beg her more than once before she agreed to it. She still made sure to call Yeonjun every day since he moved in. Today wasn’t an exception. 

He opened an eye as he heard his phone ring. Bad Boy from Red Velvet blasting way too loudly for such a calm morning. Sometimes he felt grateful that he didn’t lose his ability to hear in the accident. He didn’t. know what he would have done without music in his life. He picked up his phone that rested on the fresh grass and pressed the ‘answer’ button.

“Hey mum — before you ask, yes I am fine, and yes Taehyung is taking great care of me”, he chuckled. He knew his mother way too much. 

She snorted in response, sounding almost tired “Am I getting repetitive, hun?” She asked quietly. “I’m just worried; you know, you’re the love of my life, and I want you to be alright. Especially on your first day in college. I miss you, Junnie.” 

“I know mom, I’m just messing with you. It’s completely fine”, he reassured her fondly, “I miss you too.” he muttered. 

More than anyone, he missed his mother’s face. When his dad passed away, Taehyung and Yeonjun did everything to help her. Fortunately, her job allowed them to be stable financially, but it couldn’t compensate for the emotional scars. 

Later on, when his older brother left for college, it had become a second nature for him to take care of her, no matter how. That’s why his accident also took a toll on him because he missed recognizing his mother’s smile instantly, even across an ocean of faces.

“I’m a little stressed to be honest mom.” That was one of the reasons he woke up early. He feared his first day, even though it was at his dream school. “You know I have trouble making friends. Except for Beomgyu. Although I feel like at this point, he’s more like your other son than my best friends.” He chuckled to distract her from his first confession.

His mother laughed lightly before exhaling softly. She tended to do this when she was worried for her son. He also knew it meant that she was there for him, at any time of the day. 

“Well baby, you must be the bravest person that I know, so I know you’re going to get by just fine,” She said fondly, “And if you don’t—“

“— I have Taehyung’s, Beomgyu’s, and your phone number on speed dial. I know mom.” He cut her again. She loved to remind him that he had them in his life. His condition had caused a lot of panic attacks due to nervousness mostly, to the point he sometimes didn’t dare talking to anyone else but Beomgyu and some teachers, at school. That’s why college was a new challenge, way out of his comfort zone. 

His mother said last words of encouragement before he hung up because he had to get ready for the day. He took a deep breath of the fresh air, before he got up on his feet. 

It was the start of something new. 

***

He was late. 

The start of something new was delayed, because he was late.

He took so much time choosing what he was going to wear. It was way harder than what he had anticipated, he didn’t have the comfort of wearing an uniform anymore. At the end, he simply chose a sky blue oversized hoodie, his favorite ripped jeans and his signature black converse. 

He was rocking his casual look at least. “Ready to blend in the crowd” as Taehyung put it, while amusingly watching his baby brother attempt to put his shoes and brush his teeth at the same time.

Well, that “blend in” plan had backfired when he barged late into his first period — music theory — silencing the whole class by doing so. 

Great, now the attention was right where he didn’t need it to be: On him. 

The fact that he had before him hundreds of looks of people he would never — or hardly — be able to remember still bothered him a little bit, but he didn’t let it show. At least the class hadn’t started yet, so that was that. 

He fast paced to the stairs on the side of the auditorium, to climb them up as discretely as possible. Fortunately, the students already started ignoring him to keep of talking between each other.

Well, all of them except for one.

He could feel a gaze on him. It belonged to a dark brown-haired boy. The more Yeonjun climbed up the stairs the more he could feel the insisting gaze. It made him a little bit uncomfortable. He decided to throw a glance towards the boy to make him uncomfortable too, because sometimes it used to work while he was in the bus, back home. 

The look had to be quick but also had to convey a strong ‘You’re making me uncomfortable, please stop’ feel to it. 

A Bulletproof plan, indeed. 

What he hadn’t anticipated was the soft looking face that accompanied the dark orbs that were scrutinizing Yeonjun. He looked quite tall too, even while being seated, and that spoke a lot because Yeonjun himself wasn’t all that small. 

Yeonjun didn’t know why he bothered to notice his features when he knew that he wouldn’t be able to recognize them later on. He would never be able to remember the boy’s cute face anyways. So, he kept climbing the stairs to the highest row of the auditorium, way at the back of the class.

The boy kept looking at him, even after their look crossed. He lowered his gaze, the floor being a better option to look at, he passed the boy’s row.

He sat himself in the last seat at the end of the row and took his pen and notebook out of his bag. The teacher didn’t seem to come soon according to one of the students that was located a few seats below him. He took out his phone to text Beomgyu to pass the time.

To : Beomie 

Class hasn’t started yet  
I’m bored  
Entertain me, Bamgyu

From : Beomie

Okay first of all, hello to you too  
You ungrateful brat  
Second of all, how is it there?   
I won’t ask how are the people because you’ll probably describe me twice the same person lmao

Yeonjun snorted at his best friend’s teasing. After his accident he was worried that their friendship would be strained and shift into some pity show, but of course that wouldn’t have cut it for Choi Beomgyu. They quickly fell back into their playful banter after Yeonjun came back from his time in the hospital to train his legs back to health. He really was grateful for his best friend. 

To : Beomie

Hahaha... So funny   
you dumbass   
I’m okay for now, i got here five minutes ago, so everything is fine   
(Dont worry)

A tall man in a blue shirt and a tie — the teacher, he guessed — came into the room in a rush, sweating. 

“Sorry guys, there was so much traffic. We’re going to start in a few minutes.” He quickly said while installing his computer by connecting it to the class’ projector. 

Yeonjun decided to turn off his phone to focus on the class. He sent a last ‘talk to you at lunch’ text to Beomgyu before slipping the device in his bag. 

“Hello guys, I’m your music theory teacher Kim Namjoon. You can call me Professor Kim. Again, I am so sorry that I made you wait, I’ll make sure to not let it happen anymore. Anyways, let’s have a great year together, full of essays and old music related stuff! “He exclaimed enthusiastically. The silence in the room following the teacher’s word made Yeonjun crack up. He loved unfunny jokes. 

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one finding it funny, because someone else below his row was laughing along. He couldn’t know who it was, obviously. Maybe it was the boy who looked at him before, if the dark brown hair was a telltale. But again, there seemed to be a couple of people having the same died brown hair as the boy from earlier. 

The silence dragged a little bit too long before Professor Kim cleared his throat awkwardly. He still made sure to throw a grateful look towards Yeonjun, probably to thank him for laughing at his joke. 

Yeonjun completely understood the feeling of nobody laughing at your jokes. He loved to throw some dad jokes, especially to Beomgyu to annoy him.

(“Hey Beomgyu, what do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?” Yeonjun snickered.

“Do I want to know?” His best friend asked exasperatedly.

“Just guess please...” He stopped himself to take a deep breath Just guess, I swear it’s a good one” 

He sighed, “I don’t know, just tell me so we can move on”

“You’re no fun” Yeonjun pouted. “Anyways, you call him irrelephant” Then he exploded in laughter for the next fifteen minutes, Beomgyu watching him sternly and questioning their whole friendship. 

*Ten minutes later*

“Hey Beomie I got another one”

“Please stop”

“How does the penguin build its house?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care—“

“—Igloos it together” Wheezing was all you could hear for the next ten minutes. Meanwhile, Beomgyu was this close to leave his house, but he still had their project to finish.

He should have left.

“Yo, Beombble Bee, what’s the—“

“—No. I’m done. We’re done. Goodbye.”

“Wait, it’s a good one tho—“ )

Class passed fast after the teacher arrived. When he dismissed them four hours later, Yeonjun waited for most of the students to leave. He slowly cleared his small desk, waiting for the mass to filter out of the auditorium, only leaving him and his teacher in the vast room. 

He climbed down the stairs to get his lunch before heading to his composing class. But his teacher caught his attention. 

“Hello, are you Choi Yeonjun?”

That caught him off guard. It’s always scary when things like this happens. Having his disease meant that he met people, introducing themselves to him, but also that he’ll never be able to remember them if it wasn’t for some kind of tale tell. A lot of awkward situations happened because of this, especially with people in his school. That’s why he ended up only having Beomgyu as a true friend in the rest of his school life. 

A lot of his school friends — although you could doubt that title — didn’t believe him when he attempted to explain his disease. Even with Beomgyu confirming it, some of them just thought he was inventing a condition to ignore them, or to play a prank on them. At first Yeonjun was really hurt by their reaction, although granted, this condition was quite rare. The few people that actually believed him made fun of him by pulling “jokes” on him. Some strangers, friends with those people, would pretend to know him, and as Yeonjun just started to accept his disease, he would try his best to act normal, so he would act like he knew who it was. All that to hear the snickers of his classmates, saying he was retarded and such as. Some of the jokes turned into plain bullying, and that just enhanced his panic attacks.

He still remembered his family reaction the first time the “jokes” happened. 

( “Not only is it not funny at all, but it’s so immature, I can’t believe they would do such things when you’ve known them for years. Really it’s—“

“Mom, it’s fine... I’m okay. I didn’t get hurt or anything so everything is okay” He tried to reassure her. Of course, everything wasn’t fine but he wouldn’t let it show to his family.

“I sure hope you didn’t get hurt. If they had so much as touched you, I would have made them regret being born” His brother hissed. After Yeonjun’s accident he became overprotective, and apparently this situation only proved to them why they had to be.

“ Tae, no need to react like that, like I said nothing happened. I just pity them for doing pranks like that. It’s even worse than my lame jokes. And you all know how bad those are.” He attempted to change the subject. He always tried to do that, to calm his family down.

It worked as planned, his mother chuckling lightly “Nothing is worse than your jokes love. Beomie can testify of that, right?” And soon, his loved ones started to reminisce his worse jokes, forgetting the matter.

He sighed in relief internally. It had been a long day and he didn’t want to remember how awfully betrayed he felt when he found out that it was some prank to mock his condition. Even though he smiled to his family that night, he couldn’t help but cry himself to sleep that night.)

Since then he had moved on, and came to learn that he didn’t have time to waste with people like this. That the acceptance stage took a long time to come, and it didn’t came without pain and tears, and if he was being honest he still feared stuff like that happening to him. 

Well now he’s in college. In principle people are more mature. He hopes so, at least. 

He quickly snapped our of his daze to his teacher that looked at him with a small unsure smile. Yeonjun hoped he didn’t encountered him before. That would be a hard situation to get by. 

“Yes, sorry for spacing out, I- I’m Choi Yeonjun, music composition major” he answered quickly to catch up for what must have been an awkward silence. 

“Yes I know, actually I wanted to tell you in private. I am friend with your brother Taehyung. He told me to ‘take care of you and report if anything happens to you’” he imitated Taehyung with a deep voice. 

Well, that was a suprise.

Not the ‘protect my brother’ or the ‘report’ part, because it was quite Taehyung-like to say such things. But still, it made him feel uneasy to know that his teacher would there to watch him. 

The professor must have caught the unease because he frantically waved his hands to reassure Yeonjun “Know that I am aware of how much your brother care for you. Maybe to some excess sometimes if I’m not mistaking” He chucked to himself. 

Yeonjun couldn’t blame him. Although it didn’t really bother him at the time, at some point Taehyung wanted to take him to school and even hold hands to ‘chase the bullies away from his precious brother’. Yeonjun had to involve their mother in the matter, before his brother reluctantly agreed not to go along with his plan. And that wasn’t even in the top Ten craziest things Taehyung attempted to do to protect his brother. Yeonjun couldn’t really complain because it was just what they did in their family.

Still, turning his teacher into a spy was a stretch.

“He told me about your condition and— No need to panic, it’ll remain a secret well kept.” He said in rush after Yeonjun’s eyes tripled in size in a span of seconds. 

“I wanted you to know that although your brother is one of my closest friend, I’ll never overstep my boundaries. Thus, if I do catch a behavior out of norm concerning you, I’ll make sure to check with you if it is okay to warn your brother. I can only imagine how tough having this condition must be, adding your brother overbearing worry won’t do any good, I think” He finished with a sad smile.

Yeonjun was grateful for his teacher’s decision. He loved his brother but he wanted to be free of his protectivness now that he was in college. Having professor Kim of his side would be great help.

“Thank you so much Professor. I also think your decision is for the best... For my sake, at least” He bowed gratefully, to what his teacher smiled softly. 

“You are welcome Yeonjun. The only thing I am asking from you is to not hesitate to tell me if anything happens to you— If you feel comfortable enough to inform me of course. I am, as they say, all ears.” The professor grinned before he turned around to erase the words he wrote on the big black board during class. 

“ Yes, I’ll make sure to do so. I have to go now, but thank you again Professor” he said again. This little meeting had left him less time to eat, or even find where places to eat near campus are. 

He bowed his teacher goodbye one last time, to which the latter answered with a simple dimpled smile. 

By the time he left the auditorium, the campus street was almost empty except for the few students in the garden just across the building he had class in. 

He took out his phone out of his bag to Google map some restaurant or fast food nearby his next class. As soon as he turned it on he recieved a thread of messages. One from his brother and mother in their family group chat wishing good luck again for his first day and of how much he grew up. The other ones were from Beomgyu talking about random things and about a new student named Kang Taehyun that was ‘ so cute he could die’, and to call him when he had time. 

Yeonjun called his best friend while walking toward the barbecue restaurant he finally found near his composition class’ building. He answered right away.

“Hey Junnie, so how was the first class in the dream school?” His best friends asked enthusiastically. It was his and Beomgyu’s dream to go in this university together. Thats why he wanted to join Yeonjun the next year when he’ll be done with high school. Even though they were two years apart, Yeonjun had to re-do his second year of middle school because of the time spent at the hospital. If one good thing came out of this whole accident was that they could get together in college sooner. Plus, Yeonjun knew that his best friend would go in SNU without an itch, being the best in their school year since he could remember. 

Yeonjun proceeded to tell him about the first part of his day, not leaving any details. He mentioned the boy and emphasized on how weird that staring contest was.

“Well can we really call it a staring contest if you asked for it — and lost it, need I remind you. Also how cute was tall brown haired guy on a scale from ‘aww’ to ‘holy fucking shit’” He asked eagerly. 

“Okay, first of all, screw you. Second of all, It doesn’t matter if he was cute or not, I won’t remember him even if I met him again right now.” He added. he tried to hide the sadness and tinge of pity for himself, but his best friend knew it too well.

“Hey, of course it matters if he’s cute” Beomgyu quickly fired back trying to light up the sour mood, “You can recognize some details about him. And, again need i remind you, he noticed your ugly self so it doesn’t matter if he’s cute or not, date him. That’ll probably be the best you can do” he exclaimed in a teasing tone. 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes playfully at his friend’s answer. “Not everyone has low standards like you Beomie. Also you know I’m pansexual so his looks are at the end of my priority.” He replied while finally walking toward the barbecue restaurant, also founding his music composition building.

“By the way, tell me about your own cute new student you met today,” he whispered teasingly before bowing hello to the ajhumma that greeted him as he entered the restaurant. 

He asked a table for one, she guided him toward a table next to the window giving a view on the street. The table was far enough from the rest of the restaurant so that he could keep his phone conversation without bothering anyone. 

He ordered some tteokbokki and samgyeopsal, the waitress giving him the coke he asked for earlier. Beomgyu had already told him all about his newfound crush — although Beomgyu had crushes every other week. 

The food arrived, served by what he assumed was the same waitress, noticing her messy bun that was dangerously balancing with only a pencil. He was oblige to notice those kind of stuff if he wanted to seem normal to the people around him that didn’t know he was prosopagnosic. Things such as a beard, earrings, hair color that weren’t the standard black and brown, or even specific clothes and accessories cwere really helpful to recognize people around him. 

As soon as they understood that, his family and Beomgyu made sure to change few things to make life easier for him, although their voices were more than enough for him to know instantly it was them. Taehyung had gotten his ear pierced multiple times, wearing the same earring dangling shinily, day and night. He also had his hair dyed blond, along with Beomgyu - though he knew that the latter used him as an excuse to dye it because his mother would have never agreed otherwise. 

(“Who knew something good would come out of your accident, huh” Beomgyu said while admiring his hair through Yeonjun’s hospital room’s mirror. 

Yeonjun snorted tiredly, he was really exhausted that day but Beomgyu’s visit had made him so happy that he tried to fight sleep. “Please shut up, you prick.”

Beomgyu gasped dramatically, then smirked evilly. “You’re just jealous of my hair, I won’t hold it against you. This time. Be grateful” he said solemnly. 

“Jealous of your yellow coconut head? No thank you I’m fine being myself.“ Yeonjun fired back with a witty smirk”

“Oh screw yo—“)

His best friend was still talking his ear off about his new crush, before he took notice of Yeonjun’s silence. He paused his rant before he started speaking again cautiously. 

“Why so silent, Junnie? Something else happened?” Yeonjun could here the badly hidden worry in his best friend’s voice. He quickly snapped our of his stupor and cleared his voice. 

“I’m fine Gyu, I just miss you, that’s all” He muttered the last part. He knew the teasing was going to come. But all he heard was silence.

“... I miss you too you idiot,”  complained quietly. “Now that you are gone, I’m kind of alone. And since I’m not going to speak to those snakes in our class, it doesnt leave me with a lot of choices. Fortunately I met Taehyun” he sighed seemingly in a daydream, and Yeonjun knew that there were no way he could get his best friend out of it. 

“Although I love how you directed our emotional moment like that. I think i’m going to get going, my class is going to start in twenty minutes anyways.” He explained. He had already finished his meal and paid for it. If he wanted to take a seat where he would like, he’ll have to go there soon enough. 

As he got up from his chair to exit the restaurant, he didn’t notice one of the waiter walking next to him holding a plate with drinks on it. 

All he heard was glass crashing on the floor and gasps. They collided together leaving them on the floor. He took notice of the boy in front of him, trying to sort himself and the situation without accidentally cutting himself with some glass shards.

Yeonjun tried to get up, pushing himself off the floor, but the waiter raised in hand in halt. “Don’t move a muscle, or you’re going to hurt yourself” He yelped pressingly. Yeonjun did just what the waiter had demanded and stayed put.

The waiter got up on his feet without using his hand - which was quite impressive as he did it so fluidly, maybe was he a dancer? He then went backdoor to take a broom and expertly sweep away the shards around Yeonjun.   
   
When he was done Yeonjun got up, spilling apologies after apologies, insisting to pay back what he had broken. But the waiter simply smiled reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, if anything it was both our faults so no need to apologize so much. Plus we didn’t get hurt so no worries, right?” The waiter smiled. Yeonjun took notice of his eye smile and small mole just underneath his left eye; he also had loads of earrings on both of his ears, which reminded him of his brother. That’s why Yeonjun took his guard down and released a sigh.

“I still want to apologize, i probably got you in trouble.” He patted his wallet to check inside if he could pay back. Unfortunately, he had just given a big part of the money he had brought for the day and didn’t had enough left for the bottle of drinks he had broken. 

He sighed stressfully, he knew the situation wasn’t all that dramatic, but it still stressed him out, “Excuse me again, but I dont have any money right now. Bu-But I can leave my number so that I can pay you back. Tomorrow or even tonight... Or I can take the bus as soon as I am done with my after class. Or I can—“ He stopped himself when he realized he was rambling a little bit too much. The waiter was just looking at him with a pity smile at that point, probably understand how much of a mess Yeonjun was. 

“Okay, please calm down. I can get your phone number, so that you can pay me back like half of the drink’s worth — which were two cokes, so almost nothing. I’m Hwang Hyunjin by the way.” He introduced himself, still smiling. Actually he overall like quite joyful. 

Yeonjun sighed in relief, then smiled shyly. Why did he always had to put himself into this kind of embarrassing situations? His hoodie was now drenched in coke, and he didn’t enjoy the sticky feeling. 

Hyunjin must have took notice of it because he suddenly raised his finger, silently asking Yeonjun to wait a second. He went through backdoor of the restaurant, then emerged back with a grey sweater that seemed big, even in Hyunjin’s big hands.

“Here, please take this. It may be a little big on you but at least you’ll avoid walking all day with a sticky hoodie.” The latter held the sweater towards Yeonjun. He took it hesitantly, not knowing if it was appropriate or not. It was after looking at the time that he decided to take the hoodie, sending a grateful smile to Hyunjin.

“You’re a life savior, thank you so much. I’m Yeonjun,” he introduced himself, “I’ll leave you my number, so that I can give you the hoodie back, tonight. When do you end your shift?” He quickly took off his hoodie and put the sweater on and he was right, he drown in the peace of clothe. 

“It ends at 10PM. So you can come back around that time, if not, you can come back tomorrow, it’s really no issue.” Hyunjin smiled as they exchanged numbers. 

Yeonjun hummed, “I rather come back tonight, I’ll give you a call ehen I’ll be there. My classes end around that time so it will be no trouble. I really have to go now.” Yeonjun tried to focus on the other boy’s features and traits so that he could recognize him the best way possible later on. He waved Hyunjin goodbye before exiting the restaurant when the waiter waved him back. 

He smiled while fast-walking towards his music composition class. If all people were as nice as Hyunjin was to him, maybe college won’t be as painful as he feared. 

 

***

His music composition class had finished two hours after 2PM. He then directly went to his music producing class that lasted three hours. When he learned that his Monday would be so busy, he couldn’t help but complain about it to his best friend. To which the latter had nicely told him to stop being a whiny baby because according to him ‘He was getting out of this hell hole of a town, while himself was still stuck here for an entire year’ before telling him to shut up. To this day Yeonjun was still offended of how quick Beomgyu had dismissed him.

His last class finishing around 7PM, he decided to go to the library and start working on his first music composition assignment. He was surprised he was given an assignment on the first day, but he guessed that that was what college was about. So he came to library, to not be one of those students always overbooked with assignments. Naturally the place was completely empty, because who went to the library on the first day back to college, right? 

Yeonjun greeted the woman at the desk that was located at the entry of the building, and took a seat in one of the table that were in the far back of the library. He started working right away to not waste time, after sending a quick text to his brother to inform him of his whereabouts. Taehyung texted him back few minutes after telling him he was already home and to be careful when he’ll get home. Yeonjun was surprised his brother didn’t get worried more than that, but it was a fresh new feeling. Maybe Taehyung started to see him more as an adult — although asking his teacher to practically spy on him wasn’t indicating that evolution, but he won’t comment the matter. 

He was making progress on his essay, already creating a detailed draft of it. He loved to write music so writing essays wasn’t as painful as it was for others. He kept writing on his notebook while taking information from the school book — book he had paid way too much for by the way. The library still seemed empty when he last looked up from his homework. 

That’s why he was startled when he heard a throat clearing behind him. His head snapped towards the sound, thinking it would be the librarian but it didn’t seem to be a woman. 

“Can I seat here?” A boy whispered while pointing at the seat right in front of him. Yeonjun blinked at him twice, before nodding quietly, a polite smile adorning his face. He couldn’t help but ask himself why the boy wanted to seat in front of him when the entire library was empty. 

Some people are just weird like that, he thought.

The boy quietly pulled the chair and put his bag on the table to take out his computer and some book. He had the same school book as Yeonjun, he noticed.

He didn’t ponder about it for long, he still had an assignment to work on after all, and an hour had already passed. Yeonjun focused back on his task not raising his head again. Both of the boys worked quietly, occasional sighs and deep breaths being the only sounds you could here in the silence of the library. 

In what seemed to be no time, it was already 8:40PM. If he wanted to meet Hyunjin when his shift ended he had to leave the building now. Well, at least he had finished what he’d planned for the day, and could go home to relax, or maybe call Beomgyu again. He cleared his workspace and quietly got up to walk towards the exit. 

But before he could walk away he heard a whisper shout that stopped him immediately. 

“Hey, wait!”

Yeonjun turned around to look at the same boy from earlier — boy who didn’t know the definition of personal space because he had already walked around the table and was only few inches close to Yeonjun. Yeonjun looked up because Unknown Boy standing before him was actually quite tall. He looked at him with a smile, and dimple suddenly appeared. 

Yeonjun was awestruck by the deepness of those dimples. He could drink his milk and cereal out of those dimples, he could poke those dimples and loose his finger in the process. He could shout in the boy’s smiling face and an echo would be created just because, holy shit, how deep were those dimples. Those dimples should be illegal. 

Maybe had stared for too long, because the boy looked mildly uncomfortable under Yeonjun’s stare. 

Get it together and actually speak. He wouldn’t want to scare the dimp— the boy away.

“Hi, hello, yes? You wanted to say something to me?” He stuttered. Wow, he was becoming a mess right now. But the boy recovered from his obvious uncomfortableness and smiled awkwardly. 

“Yes, hum, it seems you took my book instead of your own...” And indeed, he was holding Yeonjun’s book. He recognized it easily because Beomgyu had drawn a tiger on the cover of the book the day Yeonjun had bought it — he had wanted to kill his best friend that day when the only excuse he could give him was ‘So that you can remember me, because you can’t even remember my face’.

Speaking of faces the boy was still looking at Yeonjun expectantly. The latter suddenly realized it was because he wanted his own book back. So, he clumsily took his backpack to get the boy’s book. In his rush, he dropped his phone. 

Way to make a fool out yourself, he scolded himself.

As he went on his knees to pick up his phone, Unknown Boy had the same idea. Their hands touched in the process. That’s when Yeonjun felt it. 

He withdrew his hand quickly because of how sweaty the boy’s palms were. 

It wasn’t your regular kind of sweaty palm, it was the ‘I just took washed my hands with my sweat and i didn’t have a towel to dry them’ kind of sweaty palm. Yeonjun wasn’t so much disgusted as he was surprised by them. It was a sign of nervousness or anxiety, most of the time and well the situation didn’t seem all that stressful to Yeonjun. But who was he to evaluate how stressful a situation could be for someone who wasn’t himself, right?

He looked up and noticed how awkward the smile of the boy was. He must have thought that Yeonjun was judging him for withdrawing his hand as soon as he came in contact with his sit. He decided to change the subject before the boy in front of him melted in embarrassment. The said boy handed him his phone, which was a little wet, from the sweat, and he winced because it seemed that everyone was aware. 

“Thank you for the phone, and here’s your book,” He handed the book from as he smiled his brightest smile to reassure the guy, although he didn’t really understood why he wanted to. Maybe it was because Yeonjun himself could be an awkward mess. Case and point with the accident at the barbecue restaurant earlier that day.

He suddenly remembered he had to be in the said place in less than ten minutes, if he didn’t want to make Hyunjin wait. He took his book that the boy had dropped when he tried to pick Yeonjun’s phone, and smiled one last time at the boy who seemed awestruck by it. 

“Ca- Can I know your name?” Unknown Boy asked. He oddly looked like their family’s dog Yeontan while asking that, so naturally he felt endeared by the boy’s look. Yeonjun didn’t know why the boy’s features looked familiar, maybe he met him before, but he felt like he had to comply to the boy’s demand. 

“I’m Yeonjun” he said softly, and it wasn’t because of the fact he was in a library. Looking at this boy soothed him in an unexplainable way, “And I really have to go now, I-I’m sorry.” He got up with his bag and fast walk towards the exit.

It was when he was crossing the street he remembered he didn’t ask the boy’s name in return.

 

***

He arrived at the restaurant around 9 past 5. The barbecue place was still full of life, students filling themselves with cooked meat and maybe too much soju. The waiters seemed to be busy as ever, zooming between the tables to take care of all of the costumers. That’s when Yeonjun realized he didn’t think this through. All the effort he had made earlier to remember Hyunjin’s features were pointless, he couldn’t remember them anymore. He tried to rack his brain for something — anything, really — to remember. 

Five minutes later, he gave up and decided to just call the waiter. He clicked on the contact name and waited while the ringing sound resonated in his ears. After five rings, it stopped and Hyunjin finally picked up. 

“Yeonjun, hey, I’ve just finished. Are you there yet? Can you wait for me at the back of the restaurant please?” The boy spilled the words fast, as if he was in a rush. 

Yeonjun nodded “Yeah sure, I’m here and I’ll wait for you.” He then proceeded to walk towards the back of building. While doing that he pulled out the money he had withdrawn from his emergency credit card. He felt stupid to use it for this incident when it was meant to be used in case of serious emergencies, but he didn’t have any other options. 

The narrow path that lead him to the back of the restaurant was dark because of the lack of lighting. While walking he noticed two people standing next to the big trash that was located right next to what seem to be the backdoor of the restaurant. Yeonjun hesitantly approached them, because their backs was turned to him. Still, both of their hair were dark brown — like Hyunjin, he now remembered — so maybe one of them was the waiter waiting for him. 

He cleared his throat so that they could take notice of his presence. Both of them quickly turned around in a startle and the only light that was lightning the door wasn’t strong enough to show either of their features. Yeonjun had no idea who those gyus were, but he couldn’t risk offending Hyunjin by not recognizing him, if it was indeed him. That situation happened way too many times and it ended ugly every time. 

“Uh, hey, how was your day? I have the hoodie and the money for you” Yeonjun spluttered nervously. Both of the boys before him had no reaction — not that Yeonjun could see it because of how dark the alley was. After what seemed to be a full minute of silence, Yeonjun started to freak out a little; clearly he had the wrong person and now he had just made them uncomfortable. He had an apology on the tip of his tongue, before the boys bursted in laughters. 

Yeonjun was just a mess at this point, he wanted to get out of this and go home to call his mother and ask her to bring him back to their hometown. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m just— did you really mislead us for Hyunjin? I mean it’s flattering and everything but are you blind?” One of them asked as they kept laughing. He couldn’t help himself from watching them sternly. He didn’t know them, and it could come across as rude to just glower at them the way he was starting to, but that’s how the bullying started in his high school . And although he knew that this situation was far from how things were back then, he still had no time for that. 

“No, I am not blind, and I’m sorry if I got it wrong but as you understood it, I’m looking for Hwang Hyunjin. So can we please save ourselves some time and energy and maybe you could call him for me. That would be really nice of you” he sighed the last part. He really wanted to go home.

Both boys recovered from their laughing session when they saw Yeonjun’s expression after one of them made that little joke. His sour expression made them sober up quickly before the blond boy that made the jokes cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, sorry. It was a just a joke, anyways I’ll go get him for you” he was going to walk towards the backdoor but someone already got out.

The mole under the left eye and the earring. Yeonjun’s body sagged in relief because thank god that was Hyunjin.

The latter walked toward him, smiling in recognition, not before ushering the unnamed boys back in the restaurant, leaving them alone it the alley. 

After he made sure his coworkers were back inside he turned around and it was most certainly Hyunjin, because his eye smile was full on. 

“Hey, excuse my friends. I dont even know what they said to you but I feel like it’s worth apologizing for.” The waiter chuckled. 

“No it’s okay. I just had a long day so I got a little bit snappy but they didn’t do or say anything wrong really,” Yeonjun smiled sheepishly while rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Anyways, here is your sweater and the money. And before you say anything, please accept it, I would feel better, really”

Yeonjun insisted, to what Hyunjin eyes narrowed. It was like he tried to analyze the former’s motives. To figure him out. Few seconds later the smile came back full on. 

“Well, if you insist, I won’t stop you” The waiter still seemed hesitant to take the money, but couldn’t refuse when Yeonjun forcefully pushed the money into his hands. He then gave him the sweater, a grateful smile on, “Well thank you again, but it’s getting late. I should get going.”

“No problem hyung — can I call you Hyung? You seem older than me.” Hyunjin suddenly asked. Yeonjun nodded, although it was weird for him. The only person that could call him hyung was his best friend and the latter had lost all respect for Yeonjun after seeing him getting his head stuck in a tree, two times in a row, back in primary school. 

Adding to that, the fact that he just had met Hyunjin, it did surprised him a little. Still, he wasn’t going to mention, because the boy had been so nice to him. 

“Sure you can” he smiled “I was born in 1999, what about you?”

“Oh I was right then. I’m a 00 liner and a dance major at SNU” he replied excitedly. Hyunjin’s enthusiasm reminded him of Beomgyu, Yeonjun smiled at that. Actually, Hyunjin was someone that was similar to people he loved, in general. 

“Anyways, we both must be freshmen then. Would you like to go to a party organized by my friends this Saturday ? From your accent I can guess you’re not from here, but I’m from Seoul, so you could meet my friends, you’re from SNU too right? You must be...“ Hyunjin trailed of. 

Yeonjun didn’t really know what to say to this. Hyunjin was being really friendly to him, and the proposition in itself was nice, but parties weren’t his scene. He couldn’t deal with meeting too many people at the same time, because he had to remember too many things to make sure he looked normal. 

But that’s the thing though, Yeonjun wasn’t normal. 

As he realized that he was going to go into one of his self-pity mode, Hyunjin must have caught his inner conflict. 

The waiter waved hastily his hands, “You dont have to say yes hyung, I would understand if you couldn’t come” He tried to reassured the boy before him.

Yeonjun felt even worst now. 

Hyujin was trying to include him, and he was refusing it because he was too scared (and a little bit lazy too). He promised Beomgyu and himself he would try to get out of his comfort zone, that he would try to experience college to the fullest, that his disease couldn’t keep him from living anymore.

That’s why he shook his head vehemently, “No don’t worry, I- Yes I’m in SNU and I’ll come to your friends party. I started today and I didn’t had time to make friends yet” He confessed. Hyunjin really was an expressive boy, it seemed, because his smile lighted up the entire alley, his joy noticeable from a mile away.

“Great hyung, so I’ll text you the adresse later, it’s not far from your school anyways. Oh, you can consider we’re friends now, ” The boy explained happily. His willingness to befriend Yeonjun without knowing him made him smile in affection. He really couldn’t say no to the boy’s invitation now. 

“And you have to go, it’s getting late now, should I call you a cab?” Before Yeonjun could refuse he cut himself, “I mean I’m a broke student so never mind, sorry hyung but I need food to survive” he smiled deviously. At this moment, he knew he would get along great with Hyunjin. 

“Okay now,” Yeonjun chuckled while waving goodbye to the younger boy. “I’ll get going, maybe I’ll come back to the restaurant so I’ll see you then if you have a shift at that time.” Hyunjin hastily nodded as he waved back saying goodbye to him. 

 

Yeonjun turned around to go back on the main street where the front sign of the restaurant was glowing brightly. He watched the time and gasp at how long his little meeting with Hyunjin had lasted. It was already close to 9:30PM and the way to his brother’s home was quite a walk. He had to hurry up before his hyung blew up his phone with worried texts. 

He glanced at his phone one last time before starting to walk home. Hopefully he would be there soon.

 

***

He didn’t anticipate how dark the streets were going to be, and he was a little scared now. 

The streets were only lightened by the occasional street pole, and it wasn’t enough to reassure Yeonjun for his safety. Even his phone light had emptied his battery and he was now without any way to communicate his distress to Beomgyu or location to his brother.

And god, Yeonjun thought of how Taehyung was going to worry his heart’s out when he’ll try to reach him and the call will directly go on voicemail. Theorically, Yeonjun knew he was being paranoid for nothing, the way back home wasn’t th most dangerous one, and he could defend himself if need be; but try to be logical when you had Kim Taehyung as your brother. He still remembered how the said boy demanded their mother to make Yeonjun wear a safety hat to school, ‘just to be safe’. 

Yeonjun chuckled at the memory of his mother’s reaction, the small but sharp slapping sound that Taehyung received to calm him down still resonating in his mind. 

He must have been too distracted by his thoughts because he didn’t notice the man behind him. 

“Hey cutie, come here for a minute, would you?” The man said. The strong alcohol smell just confirmed Yeonjun’s assumption about the current state he was in. Answering would put him in risks, so Yeonjun ignored him and kept walking (a little faster) to his house.

Apparently the lack of answer pissed the drunk man off because he started to wobble even faster towards Yeonjun’s direction. 

“Hey, I’m speaking to you, you bitch” the man spat. 

And, wow, Yeonjun was really scared, mostly because he didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t the fastest runner; if the guy caught up to him he would put himself into way too much trouble. He considered stopping to face the drunk guy, but he did realize it would come with consequences too. 

Suddenly he felt a hand gripping his wrist. The drunk man was now a few inches close to him, and Yeonjun just froze.

“I told you to come here, pretty boy” the man slurred with an disgustingly evil smile. 

Yeonjun was ready to pass out from fright. 

 

He tried to pull his wrist away but the hold of the man was far too strong to allow him to do so. 

 

How did he get himself in this situation again? 

 

How could he be in this position once again, feeling completely weak and powerless? 

 

He could feel the tears coming from the nervousness and of how scared he felt. He had to get out of this situation right away, he thought.

“Let go of me right now” He ordered with fake confidence. The man must have sense his fright because he laughed at him loudly. Yeonjun tried to use this moment of distraction to get out of the man’s death grip and run, but as soon as he tried to do so the man threw him against a wall. 

Yeonjun’s head hit the hard brick wall and dizziness gained him right away. His head was still fragile from the accident — even years after it —, he had to be careful not to bump it too hard because he would have vertigos quickly. 

The blow to his head and the blinding pain he felt from just confirmed his doctor’s words about his health. It was so unbearable that it kept him from moving away from the man’s rough kicks to his stomach. 

He tried to protect his head the best way he could. He would nonetheless still hear the “You did this to yourself you fucker” from the man, and all Yeonjun could think about was ‘Is this really happening?’ 

Suddenly the jab to his chest and stomach stopped but Yeonjun was already having a panic attack by this time. He couldn’t raise his head to know why did the man stop. 

He heard some noises and what seemed to be a moan of pain, but he wasn’t sure because he was starting to hyperventilate, the pain to his head didn’t help. 

He couldn’t breath normally anymore, and he thought of ways to calm himself because that couldn’t be it. He didn’t lost his father, almost died himself, spent six months at the hospital, made his family and friend’s whole life and choices, just to die like that. 

He had to fight back.

He knew trying to regulate his breathing was nearly impossible all by himself, but he used the ridiculous amount of focus he had left despite his dizziness and attempted to calm himself. 

He thought of the few people in his life that made him calm no matter what and somehow it worked little by little. The pain to his stomach and head was still jarring but he started to breathe a little more normally, but still couldn’t here anything. He had to lie down on his side to not choke with his own tongue, he remembered. 

He slowly turned around and that’s when he noticed someone else was there and was speaking to him. Fortunately it wasn’t the drunk man, it was someone younger it seemed. His vision wasn’t the best at the moment.

“Oh my god, Yeonjun” The person spoke frantically. 

Yeonjun was feeling too many things at the same time to even attempt to recognize who this person — that apparently knew him — was. He grunted and spluttered in response. He was still trying to calm his breathing, and the movement to lay his body on it’s side pressed his head where it had hit the wall. He clutched his head to ease the pain in some way. He felt hot liquid coming out of the wound.

The person must have caught how Yeonjun couldn’t possibly respond at the moment and it seemed to made him panick even more. Yeonjun could see the worry in the person’s — boy he thought — eyes and frankly he was in too much pain to notice anything else.

Eventually, he calmed his breathing. His eyes were still glued on the boy in front of him that now seemed to be on a phone call, hopefully to call an ambulance. His breathing was back to normal by the end of the call, but that’s when the pain due to the blows to his stomach and chest manifested itself. 

He couldn’t feel anything anymore and soon dark spot was all he could see, his vision already blurred by the spilling tears. 

The boy was now hovering over him, “An ambulance is coming, you have to stay awake, you’re bleeding. Please stay awa—“

That’s all Yeonjun heard before darkness took over him.


	2. Here we are again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, here is the second chapter  
> A little longuer than the first, more Yeonbin and Vmin in it  
> If you made it here, thank you so much ^^  
> Enjoy~ <3

It was like someone was stomping on his brain repeatedly. Like an incessant thump that resonated in his whole body. 

The pain that surged through his whole head made him let out a small grunt.

He could distinguish white noise in the background, all of his senses were like confused because of the small but sharp pain. Another groan escaped.

He exhaled loudly before opening his eyes. The fatigue made it hard but he fought through it. Where was he?

He took a deep breath before memories from the previous night came to him quite suddenly. 

The late night, him trying to go home, the man, the fright, then darkness.

He slowly opened his eyes to take a look at his surroundings. He was in a room, in which the neon lights were blindingly white. He squinted his eyes to get used to the brightness, not quite awaken yet. Once he was used to it, he looked around situate himself, all the while taking deep breaths to evacuate the ache (although it didn’t work.)

The bipping sound of the machine monitoring his heart beat and the IV transfusion planted into his arm told him he was in an hospital room.

 

Thank god, he was alive.

 

He was currently alone in the room, but he could see from the window that gave a view on the hallway of the hospital. As he slowly glanced into the wave of people walking, he noticed that someone — most likely a doctor — was about to come into his room. The Doctor then cautiously entered the room, a small smile adorning her face.

“Hello,” She stopped to look at her folder, “Yeonjun-ssi, my name is Ahn Heeyeon, I’m the doctor that will be taking care of you. How are you feeling?” She spoke quietly, almost in a motherly tone, even though she only seemed a few years older than his brother.

His brother. His family. He had to contact them, to tell them he was okay.

He tried to straighten his position to be seated but the slight movement made him flinch because of how dizzy he felt. He couldn’t keep the moan of discomfort to get out.

“Well, that answered my question. We’re going to increase the dose of pain killers. You’ve received quite a lot of hit. Fortunately, they didn’t reached any of your vital points. Except for your head maybe.” She explained. He tried to listening as carefully as he could,although he had a lot in mind. Mostly because:

 

1) He was still strained because of the assault, so obviously he was barely present mentally, not even to talk about his health.

 

2) He was feeling quite tired.

 

3) He had to call his family, but the more he felt the aftermath of the night before, the less he wanted to. He knew how insistent — sometimes borderline dramatic — they — Taehyung — could be. Especially when it was about his health.

 

“It seemed the injury on your head caused a small concussion. Nevertheless, you did have some bleeding so we had to stitch you up. You hit your head pretty badly, so you’ll have some migraines.” She explained thoroughly, before smiling after Yeonjun let out a yawn. He really was tired. “We have to wait for the CTsand you’ll have to do an MRI later on, just to check if everything is alright. Other than that you’ll have to stay here for at least two to three days, just so we can monitor you.” She finished. She looked at his sour expression, then said, “ Do you remember what happened to you Yeonjun-ssi?“

Yeonjun nodded slowly, eyelids still heavy from how tired he was getting. He explained what he remembered, and the doctor nodded, “Well at least it didn’t affect your memory.” She smiled.

She then proceed to do little tests such as moving lights through his eyes to see if they were responding. While she was doing so, he felt like he had to do ask.

“Who brought me here? Is my family here?What happened to the man who did this to me?” He spilled. He was getting more agitated with each question, so much you could hear the bipping from the heart monitor increase it’s frequency.

The doctor’s expression turned serious from how panic Yeonjun looked. “The man was arrested by the police after one of my colleagues fixed him up, he took quite a beating too.” She muttered the last remark. “Your friend who brought you here explained everything to them,” she frowned at the memory, “Your family was informed this morning. It was also your friend that got a hold of your brother’s phone number — good that you didn’t have a password, really. Your brother will be here in less than an hour, according to him.”

Yeonjun felt relieved that they at least knew where he was. Taehyung would probably must have been worried sick that he didn’t come back home, especially as it was already 8AM. It meant that he spent the whole night in the hospital. They must all have thought something awful happened to him.

Fortunately he was fine (-ish) and now, at least he could relax a little, sleep the pain away for a little while. He nodded to the doctor to show he understood, and slowly slipped in a more confortable position in the scrawny bed.

One thing wasn’t explained though.

“Um, excuse this weird question, but what friend?” He asked confused. He didn’t remember a lot from the last night, except for the vague memories. He surely didn’t remember that ‘friend’s face’ although he knew that someone had helped him before he passed out.

“Uh — The boy who called us. Do you not know him? He knew your name...” She trailed off, “Well, he stayed in the waiting room all night to make sure you were alright, so I assumed you knew each other.”

Well. That was unexpected.

He didn’t remember anyone specific as the night before was such a blurry memory. Plus as it was his first day, he only had met and introduced himself to Hyunjin, AND it was near his workplace, so he mostly must have been him.

Probably. 

The Doctor glanced at the window that gave a view on the hallway and her eyes glinted in recognition. 

“Ah, he’s here right now.”

Suddenly a face appeared around the frenzy of hospital staff that were doing their job. The boy stayed put in front of the window, looking almost lost, until his look crossed Yeonjun, and then everything froze.

That wasn’t Hyunjin.

He knew the features to look out for on Hyunjin’s face and none of those were present. Not even the earrings.

Who was this boy then?

The way he looked at Yeonjun. It was like he had known him his whole life, his eyes full of emotions. A mix of worry and relief, but also a speck of warmth that made Yeonjun squirmed in his bed.

Still he had no idea who that was. Yet he had saved him, and apparently knew his name. That’s why he agreed to let the boy come into his room when the Doctor asked.

As soon as he entered it, the atmosphere seemed lighter. Yeonjun, although he was still feeling tired and in a seeping pain, felt some relief just from seeing this boy. 

He had to know who that was.

“Hey.” the boy waved at him awkwardly.

He had a long sleeved shirt that was too large for him, it gave him a soft look that calmed Yeonjun even more. Then as Yeonjun’s eyes raked his body, to look at for something to remember him by, he noticed the bruises, all over the boy’s hand and wrist, that were exposed because of how large his shirt was. The boy quickly tried to cover them, but it was too late. Clearly he had been in a fist fight.

“Um, hello.” was all Yeonjun could say. 

He knew that, somehow, the boy knew him, but Yeonjun was just way too tired to try to act like he himself knew who the boy was. He couldn’t dismiss him him though. The thought that the boy had probably fought the guy who had assaulted him and stayed the night for him, even though they must be mere strangers, gave him goosebumps.

“How are you feeling?”

Yeonjun sighed, “Tired and in and like my head is a ticking time bomb mostly, but other than that, I’m okay.” He couldn’t help but wince at his own bitter tone he had used in the first part of his sentence, causing the boy standing before him squirm in discomfort.

“I know, the man who assaulted hit you really badly. I’m glad that I was walking by before it got any worst.” He clenched his fist. The boy looked like he was still angered by what he had seen last night. And it was a strange sight, because from his face only — round full cheeks, a natural pout, doe eyes — he didn’t look like he could hurt a fly. Well, he wasn’t going to make assumptions, especially when you’ve seen the bruises he had gained.

“Yeah, I was lucky you saw me.” Yeonjun muttered quietly.

Yeonjun noticed the anger that was gaining the boy, and he instantly felt like he had to change the subject.

“ _Anyways_ ... Do we know each other?” He asked, quickly looking away to avoid looking at the way the boy’s face fell.

Still, he had to ask at this point. Since his accident he always had to guess, but right now trying to ‘seem normal’ was the least of his problem. 

“I guess I never told you my name. I’m Soobin. We met several times yesterday, actually, don’t you remember?” He looked over Yeonjun in thought, like something didn’t add up in Soobin’s head. 

“Um, I’m sorry everything is kind of blurry from yesterday night” Yeonjun said. It was a good excuse, he could work with that. “But it is really nice to meet you, I don’t know what would have happened if it wasn’t for you.” And it was true. God knows in what state he would be right now if Soobin didn’t come across him. Yeonjun decided to show how grateful he was by offering him a warm smile. 

The taller boy blushed from Yeonjun’s action, and soon, he smiled back. That’s when Yeonjun knew right away who that was.

 

 _Dimples_. 

 

Really, he should have known right away that it was him, after all he only had introduced himself to two people the day before and he knew the boy standing in front of him wasn’t Hyunjin. He blamed his tiredness for how dense he was for not figuring it out sooner.

“Well, you are welcome.” The boy kept smiling that shy smile and how cute can one be. His height clearly didn’t match his round cheeks and dimples. His eye smile radiated warmth that Yeonjun wanted to bath in and—

 _Wow_ , he needed to calm himself down before he combusted, he could feel his blush taking over his own cheeks.

“What happened after I passed out, or even before, for that matter?”

“Well, I was going home from the campus library. I decided to take a detour and that’s when i saw the drunk man hovering over someone. At first I thought it was some other drunkard, so I was going to cross the street, but then i recognized your bag laying on the ground, so i got closer just to be sure. Then I saw you...” He trailed of before pausing. He seemed conflicted when he took a look at Yeonjun, hesitating to keep going. Yeonjun gave him a reassuring look telling him silently to keep going. 

“You were bleeding a lot, and the guy kept kicking you, throwing slurs at you. I had to do something, so- so I just did.” He said simply.

“Then... What did you do?” Yeonjun asked, he really wondered what exactly had occurred. The man couldn’t just have stopped when Soobin threw some punches at him, right?

“I pushed him away from you, and he got really mad about it, so he punched me. Fortunately I do boxing, and he was quite drunk, so I quickly had the upper hand. After some time I knocked him down. But you were already having a panick attack, I tried to help you calm down but you couldn’t hear me.” He explained hastily. It seemed he was himself still shook from the night before.

“I quickly called an ambulance when your breathing started to regulate itself. I was told I had to keep you awake at all cost, because I noticed your head was bleeding — it was small but it was there.” He explained.

At this point he had taken a seat right next to Yeonjun’s bed. The way he was crouching on himself, almost defeated by the memory of Yeonjun’s state, made his heart ache.

“Soon, you started to ramble something but I couldn’t here you, you looked at me for a moment, but then you just passed out. The ambulance came two minutes after that — the longest two minutes of my life, to be honest — and they moved quickly. Afterward, they brought us in the hospital, and now here we are.”

Here they were.

Yeonjun had so many questions, but Soobin anticipated the first one.

“I took your bag with me, and your phone was in it. I had my phone charger on me so I charged it while I was in the waiting room this morning and called the first number on your speed dial.” He explained. “Your brother should be here in a few moments, there was a lot of screaming before he understood it wasn’t you.” He chuckled, and — here were the distracting dimples again.

“Yeah, he’s like that sometimes” Yeonjun chuckled. His brother’s worry multiplying by a tenfold was his main issue by that moment, but there was also something else. 

Yeonjun looked at the boy seated next to his bed, looking at him so warmly, like they’ve known each other for years and that’s just unusual. So he had to ask.

“Why did you stay?”

The whole room went silent, except for the increasing frenquency of the machine monitoring his heart beat. He knew the question was quite blunt, but it just roamed in his head since his doctor had informed him that his friend had stayed in the waiting room.

The thing was that even though Soobin had met him several times the day before — although Yeonjun only remembered one of them — he would have expected him to leave Yeonjun at the hospital after he had contacted his family. But he didn’t. 

Soobin squirmed at the question, before replying, “Well... I wasn’t just going to leave you like this, right? You had no one with you.”

“I mean, yes, but you stayed even after you called my brother this morning. You didn’t have to do that.” Yeonjun explained calmly. He didn’t know why he pointed it out, but it was just so abnormal. People being nice to him.

“I _did_ do that, and again... It was the normal thing to do, especially for someone like y-” Soobin cut himself off. He didn’t add anything, he didn’t have to actually. It was more than enough for Yeonjun, because hold up.

“Someone like... _Me_?” Yeonjun he finished for the now blushing boy, “We don’t know even each other, what do you mean someone like me?” He asked his eyes going round at the implication of the boy’s words. Soobin himself looked alarmed from that slip up.

He cleared his throat, “Well... I meant that—“

“Yeonjun-ssi, your brother is here.” A woman interrupted Soobin before he finished his sentence, but it wasn’t enough to help Yeonjun take away his eyes and thoughts from the boy in front of him. 

“Was I interrupting something?” she asked, reading the atmosphere. It must be the doctor taking care of Yeonjun. He wasn’t sure. He could only focus on Soobin. 

“I should get going anyways, now that he’s feeling better... Bye Yeonjun.” He quickly picked up his bag, and bowed at the — presumed —Doctor before leaving the room in a rush without looking back.

“Bye...” Soobin was already gone, leaving questions unanswered behind him. The Doctor was looking at him patiently, he then realized that she had asked him if his brother could come in. He silently nodded, not having time to think of anything before his brother barged into the room.

“Oh my god Yeonjunnie, I was worried sick.” The person approached him frantically, and indeed it was his brother, he wore his pyjama sweatshirt he had on when Yeonjun left the house the day before.

Taehyung looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, his eyes bloated from all the crying he mast have done. Adding to that the eye bags he carried; the blond of his hair almost had faded. Really, if it wasn’t for the sweatshirt and the fact that Yeonjun had seen his brother in such a state when he woke up from his accident, he would have almost doubted it was him.

Taehyung carefully approached him, his eyes still glossy.

“My baby... What happened to you? Who did this to you?” His tone was a mix of worry and anger, and Yeonjun knew exactly where this was going. Soobin must have explained a little what happened to him, and it was enough to set Taehyung off into a raging wrath. Yeonjun knew that trying to change the subject would be completely useless, and he was tired anyway.

Actually, he was exhausted. He really couldn’t deal with his brother at the moment. He loved him to death, and he knew it was just worry — a justified one — but Taehyung also loved to take it to the next level. 

Yeonjun just wanted to sleep.

“I was assaulted while going back home, by some drunkard in the street. My phone battery was dead, so I couldn’t join you.” He explained while trying to calm himself.

“I tried to ignore him and walk away, but he wouldn’t have it... I hit my head in the process.” He silently added while wincing. He knew what was coming next.

Actual tears started spilling from his brother’s eyes. All of his close ones knew how fragile his head was, how careful Yeonjun had to be on a daily basis. He had to quite football because of this and couldn’t dance for a year after his accident. Many sacrifices were made because of it, and seeing them being almost thrown away because of an unfortunate event that almost costed him his life made his brother’s heart ache. 

“Hyung, please don’t cry.” Yeonjun pleaded. “I’m fine, okay? If you don’t believe me, at least listen to what the Doctor has to say about me.” He hated this situation so much.

Seeing people sad because of him. He hated it so hard. All he wanted a normal , boring life, where tears weren’t a recurrent theme. He was tired of being some kind of weight holding them back from a peaceful life.

His brother must have sensed his overall exhaustion because he sighed, quickly wiping his tears away. “You’re right, we have to stay strong. You’re alive, that’s all that matters to me.” And Yeonjun could feel that those words weren’t just applying to the current events. “I’m going to see the doctor outside, you should rest for a bi—“

“ _Tae?”_

As his brother was about to leave his room he was cut by a soft voice. The person was part of the hospital staff according to his outfit, although his orange dyed hair were quite unconventional. Both him and his brother were looking at each other gobsmacked. With each second passing, his brother face went redder, eyes grew wider and Yeonjun wondered more and more what the hell was going on.

“Jimin...” Taehyung whispered, eyes still fixated on the shorter male. “How — I’m... You’re working here.” The older brother stuttered while quickly wiping away the tears left. 

The short nurse unfroze from his surprised state and cleared his throat before looking at Taehyung in a flustered way.

“Yeah, I do... It’s been so long Tae.” Jimin smiled shyly, and now something was definitely abnormal because Tae? Nobody called his brother Tae except for their family and his close friends, — friends that Yeonjun knew, or at least knew of.

Who was this person?

Yeonjun squirmed in discomfort because of the tension, letting a grunt of pain escape. Soon, both of the older males suddenly noticed that their little reunion wasn’t private because Jimin gaze were pointed on Yeonjun in seconds.He moved towards him, ignoring Taehyung’s shocked expression — he still seemed to not have reconvered from seeing the nurse.

Jimin rapidly checked the folder he was holding, then proceeded to explain how Yeonjun was going to take some tests but that overall things should be fine. Yeonjun explained he had headaches and was still in pain, and Jimin said it was normal. Overall he explained what Dr. Ahn had said, and although it didn’t brought a lot of new information it was okay for Yeonjun.He could barely listen to anything because all he could notice was how Taehyung looked at Jimin. Like Jimin was the embodiment of unresolved feelings. It was quite the sight, actually.

Later on, Jimin explained how Yeonjun was going to stay here for two more days so he could rest and wait for his results concerning his head. Taehyung was drinking every words that Jimin said as if it was the most important thing in the world, and for once it seemed like it wasn’t only because his baby brother’s health was at stake.

Eventually, Jimin left and Taehyung still couldn’t snap out the daze he was in. Especially when the nurse touched his arm in a friendly way to say goodbye — it was like Taehyung was stroke by lightning. Yeonjun already had a knowing smirk when Taehyung came back to his senses.

“Right now, I am exhausted but we’ll have to discuss what the hell just happened and most importantly who was that.” Yeonjun said nonchalantly, just to spite his brother that had a faint blush. “Anyways, you should call mom if you haven’t done it yet.” He yawned.

A sigh, “I wanted to be sure you were okay before calling her.” He explained, “Go rest now, I think I’m going to go to my 12AM class. I’ll come back later to check on you. Text me if anything is wrong, okay?” And just like that his worried brother was back. Well, at least this Jimin guy distracted him from his original frenzy.

Taehyung approached him slowly and carefully kissed his baby brother’s forehead before looking at him, sadness still present in his eyes. 

“Don’t ever scare me like that again, okay? I thought that I had lost you for real this time.”

Yeonjun sighed sleepily and looked over his brother, seeing all of the emotions that he must have been through in the span of this single night.

“I’ll make sure not to.” he smiled fondly at his brother, few minutes before sleep took over him, worried thoughts vanishing for the time being.

 

•••

 

He came back home two days after, his head wrapped into a bandage and with a heavy antibiotic prescription. The police had came by to have his statement on the accident. Explaining was quite complicated considering how mad his brother and mother was — mother that made sure to FaceTime him five times a day, including when the police was there. She wanted to come see him as soon as she heard the news but Yeonjun was adamant about her staying in their hometown. She had work after all, and he was fine. At least, he was going to be fine.

When his mother wasn’t trying to slyly smuggle into Seoul without Yeonjun knowing, it was Beomgyu who was spamming him to ‘ _make_ _sure_ _he_ _wasn’t_ _bored_ ’. They both knew he did it because he was worried to death about his best friend’s state, and most importantly because even though they barely said it, they loved each other so much. 

Him coming back home meant that Taehyung was even more persistent with the whole overprotective brother act, something that started to irk Yeonjun a little bit, despite him not saying anything about it. On one hand he loved Taehyung for taking care of him the way he did, but some of the things were over the top. Like for instance, it was Saturday morning, and Yeonjun wanted to go on his university campus to speak to his teachers and explain his absence.

His trip to the hospital made him missed some classes, so he felt like he had to explain it in person to the teachers, this way they would also give him the missed assignments — although he knew they probably wouldn’t care for him being gone because, after all, it was college. He still felt like he had to do it though. The issue was that for some reasons Taehyung had insisted to come with him. That wouldn’t be a real problem if he didn’t flipped out by _growling_ — yes, growling. Like an animal — as soon as somebody came near Yeonjun. Or if Taehyung didn’t held his hand every time they crossed the street. Or if he didn’t shout at random students on the campus when they looked at him like he was crazy — who could blame them though? He did looked like a madmen while doing all of those things.

And anyways, Yeonjun didn’t know what Taehyung could do more than be here and stay put while he spoke to his teachers. But trying to put sense into his brother’s head was no easy task when you weren’t their mother.

What Yeonjun had forgotten was his professor that was friend with Taehyung and that turned out to be helpful to catch up with the assignments. When they found Professor Kim and Taehyung tried to act like he just had met him for the first time, Yeonjun didn’t hesitate to tell him to cut the crap. When the whole truth was uncovered, Taehyung didn’t even feel sorry. Yeonjun just sighed tiredly.

It went without saying that Professor Kim’s little mission to watch out for Yeonjun was reinforced because of the assault. Taehyung’s attempt to whisper how ‘Careful he had to be now that Junnie was in constant danger’ didn’t go unnoticed. Contrarily to his brother’s other weird demands, he couldn’t let that one pass without a fight.

 

(“Hyung I am not in a constant danger, stop exaggerating.” Yeonjun whined despite his teacher’s presence, the latter smickering at the brothers interaction.

“Junnie you don’t know what you’re talking about right now, please shush, the adults are talking.”

“Oh pardon me hyung, I wasn’t aware you were the one who got assaulted on this campus.” Yeonjun retorted pointedly.

Taehyung pulled a grimace, “Humor me Junnie.” He turned back to his friend serious expression on, said guy stopping his chortles to listen “Hyung. You watch him. Anything out of the ordinary, and I mean anything, you report it to me, capische?”

Before the professor could place a word to point out how excessive this request (more like demand) was, Taehyung snapped “Hyung, do it or I’ll tell Seokjin hyung you broke his favorite Mario figurine.” That shut his friend up right away.

The professor sighed in defeat and looked at Yeonjun in an apologetic way. He then nodded in resignation. 

Yeonjun tried to protest but the deathly glower he received shut him up right away. Taehyung could be scary when he wanted to. 

A silence. 

“I still think there’s better ways to—“

“I’m calling Seokjin hyung right now.”

“Sorry, sorry, I’m shutting up now.”)

 

Good had still came from Taehyung’s actions because Yeonjun caught up with his missed assignments. He was now working on how to organize a time schedule to not be overwhelmed by the load of work. 

He almost was done with his schedule — that started on Sunday because he was still supposed to rest and relax according to the Doctor — when he heard his phone buzz. When he opened the message, he was surprise to find out it wasn’t from his best friend.

 

 **From** : **Hyunjin** ~

Hey Yeonjun, how are u?

I didn’t saw you this week >_<

But are u still on for the party tonight?

(Its Hyunjin btw ^^) 

 

Yeonjun had completely forgotten the party that his new friend had invited him to. He didn’t really had any time to think about it anyways with how his week had gotten. He doesnt want Hyunjin to take pity in him though. He knew that from how friendly the younger had acted, even though they only had known each other for a few hours, Hyujin would probably be understanding. Despite that, something kept Yeonjun from telling him the truth.

 

 **To** : **Hyunjin** ~

Hey Hyunjin

im fine, thxs for asking ^^

how about you?

Sorry I was busy this week so i didn’t have time to drop by at the restaurant

 

Yes, keeping it vague is the best option.

 

 **From** : **Hyunjin** ~

Im fine :))

And no worries really, i figured you had your reasons

Soooo

About the party?

 

 **To** : **Hyunjin** ~

Yeah, I’m sorry but I have so many assignments

I can’t go :(

  

The thing was that even if he actually wanted to go the party, _over_ _his_ _dead_ _body_ would Taehyung agree to let him go. And ughh this year was supposed to be the freedom-slash-living-to-the-fullest year. He wasn’t feeling that free at the moment and that made him sigh in defeat.

 

 **From** : **Hyunjin** ~

Ohhh nooo

You have to come :((

I told my friends that I met this cool new hyung with astounding silver hair...

What am I going to tell my friends now :(

They already think i’m a drama queen (idek why tbh)

Now they’re going to say I have an imaginary friend too

 

 **To** : **Hyunjin** ~

I’m so sorryyyy

I feel like you’re trying to guilt trip me

(Its working)

But I do have a lot of work

 

 **From** : **Hyunjin** ~

Yeonjun hyung...

It’s your freshmen year in college

I know we just met, so I’m not going to tell u what to do

But we all deserve a break from time to time, to let loose and live our life

Because despite what society is trying to make u think

It is short as hell

And correct me if im wrongbut I think u deserve all that too...

 

That little speech left Yeonjun gobsmacked. The younger had a way with words, undeniably. Now Yeonjun felt even worse about saying no. He still had to rest if he wanted to come back to class on the next Monday.

 

 **To** : **Hyunjin** ~

(Wow that was deep, I am impressed)

And you’re probably right...

But really, I cant come tonight

Next time for sure

I swear that I’ll come to any event u invite me to

If u still want to of course

 

 **From** : **Hyunjin** ~

... okay then

I won’t force you so... next time it is

And no backing down u promised!!!

Or i’ll drag you to the party by those beautiful hair of urs •~•

  

Yeonjun couldn’t help but laugh at the younger’s words. He really was alike his best friend.

 

 **To** : **Hyunjin** ~

Hahaha I’ll hold u down to that

Btw for your friends, lets take a selca next time we see each other

Then they’ll see that I am in fact real and that you’re ONLY a drama queen

 

 **From** : **Hyunjin** ~

:))))

Thats a good idea

You’re the best hyung thx

Well

As our national treasure Chungha said

Gotta go

ttyl?

 

To : Hyunjin~

Oh u be quoting the queen now, i see how it is

Yeah see ya later ^^

Have fun tonight

 

Yeonjun smiled one last time at his conversation he just had with his new friend. He was lucky that he had met Hyunjin of all people. He could feel that things could go well between the two of them, that their friendship would be easy. And that’s exactly what he needed when his own life could be complicated.

Turning off his phone to focus back on his schedule, he sighed. Hyunjin did had a point. It was Saturday night of his first week in college and he was making a schedule for his future assignments, because he had to rest. To play it safe.

He was kind of _sick_ of playing it safe.

He wanted to go out.

He watched at the time, it was 9PM and was and he was hungry. He decided that if he couldn’t go to a party, he could at least treat himself to some good food. The doctor had said nothing about walking a lot. Plus, eating was a relaxing activity after all. To him, at least.

He went to the living room to see inform his brother about his little plan.

“I don’t know Junnie... It’s late night and I can’t go with you, I have work.” His brother was looking tired, glasses on and hair tied up in a little palm tree, wearing their late father’s old red hoodie. That meant that he was in what Yeonjun called ‘Tae’s soft hours’. That meant that he was vulnerable, so more prone to agree if Yeonjun played his card well.

“I know, but I’m just in the neighborhood. My phone battery is full, and I’ll text you when I find the place I’m going to eat in AND when I’ll leave it to go home.” Yeonjun fainted innocence but he had already prepared in advance all those arguments, knowing Taehyung wouldn’t be too thrilled by the idea.

Still his brother was hesitant, if his little frown was anything to go by. “You still need to rest though Jun—“

“—And staying at home on a Saturday night is making me _restless_ hyung, literally.” He cut his brother. “Listen, it’s just a few hours. I turned down a party because of the assault. I just need to feel like I’m not back to square one. Back to the time I couldn’t go out because of the accident... Please hyung?” 

Taehyung stayed put, looking at his brother’s puppy eyes. He was going to protest once more before the doorbell rung unexpectedly. They both looked at each other, not knowing who that would be. 

Taehyung got up to look through the door’s peephole. After briefly glancing at it, he gasped before scooting down in fright. He turned around in distress, his eyes tripling his size.

That made Yeonjun scoot down too in reflex. “What’s going on? Who is it?” 

“ _Shush_! he’s going to here you!”

A soft voice, “Tae?”

The panicked expression his brother carried increased and he quickly made sign to Yeonjun that indicated him to get down near him and shut up.

“Tae, I can here you...” the voice behind the door said.

And Yeonjun suddenly remembered that only a few people could call his brother Tae. Their mother, Beomgyu, himself and... 

“Is that the nurse you knew from the hospital?” Yeonjun remembered the name. “Jimin?” 

Maybe he had said that last word a little bit too loud because soon they heard. “Okay, I just heard my name. Tae, please open the door.”

Taehyung looked at Yeonjun like he wanted to kill him and that was his cue to leave the premises. Maybe that Jimin guy was his chance to go out.

“Listen hyung. No matter the story between you guys, you have to talk to him.Clearly there are some feelings here and there. Somehow he found our house. He made the effort to go see you, he made the first step. Now you have to make a step toward him too, okay?” 

Taehyung was already having a little mental breakdown because of the nurse’s arrival. Yeonjun’s seriousness didn’t help as effectively as anticipated.

“But— but... I— I’m-“

“No _but’s_ and _I’s_ hyung. Man up and go talk to that man that has been waiting for you for,” He looked at his watch, “For five long minutes now.”

Taehyung looked at his brother for few more seconds in contemplation before scrambling to his feet. He rapidly went to the mirror located next to the door to see how he looked. He pulled a face at how tired he seemed but the quiet rasps at the door kept him from doing anything about it.

He opened the door after taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. Here was Jimin — the person had orange hair so it must have been him —, looking as tired as Taehyung did and Yeonjun could see from the back how all the tension seeped out of his brother when the smaller man smiled at Taehyung’s hairstyle.

“Hey,” Jimin sighed softly. 

Taehyung couldn’t answer for some reason, but Yeonjun believed it was because, somehow, Jimin must have looked breathtaking to Taehyung.

“Hum— Hey Jimin.” Was all Taehyung could muster.

That was Yeonjun’s cue to leave.

He broke the silence by taking his keys loudly “Hello nurse Jimin. Nice to see you again.” He turned towards his blushing brother, “Taehyung, I’m going now. To leave you two alone.” He gave both of them a pointed look.

That snapped Taehyung out of his Jimin-daze. “Fine, but you text me if anything happens, okay? If someone so much as breath too hard toward your direction, you call me and I’ll be there.” His brother spilled quickly. He then turned back toward Jimin who was still watching Taehyung with a fond expression and that made him blush even harder when he noticed it.

Yeonjun had what he wanted to he took his jacket and phone before nodding and waving goodbye. “Sure hyung, see you in few hours. Love you. See you nurse Jimin.” He fast walked out of his house before Taehyung changed his mind.

Both of the men hummed, definitely losing themselves in each other’s eyes. 

Yeonjun chuckled at that while making his way in the calm neighborhood. Time to go get his well deserved food.

 

 

***

 

 

He walked for fifteen minutes in the streets. He decided not to look for anything on the internet and let faith decide for him, so after some time finding a little diner was a blessing. He was starving.

The diner had a cosy vibe, the neon lights lighted the baby blue walls that had the same color as the booths that were scattered. There wasn’t a lot of people in the restaurant and Yeonjun guessed that it was for the better. Then it would be messy in his head because of all the faces. He wanted to have a peaceful meal, maybe scroll on his tumblr for an hour and then leave.

He sat down at one of the booth once the waitress that was at the bar greeted him. He texted Taehyung to inform him on tell him about where he was, to which his answer was ‘Okay, stay safe’.

The waitress — the same one he assumed — handed the menu to him. He ordered a cheeseburger with a milkshake because why not. He rarely had foreign food and he wanted to treat himself tonight.  

He did as he had planned and scrolled through his tumblr and then his Twitter. Red Velvet and Mamamoo, both of his favorite girl groups were making a comeback and he was really excited for it. He and Beomgyu were hardcore stans and he had to support them. In the meantime, supportthrough social medias would do.

He waited for his food patiently and didn’t glance up from his phone for ten minutes. At some point he had a weird feeling, like somebody was watching him, so he decided to look up. The moment he did it, he noticed that somebody was indeed watching him. Actually, the person was looking right at him because they were in front of each other, despite the fact they were booth away. 

The person looking at him was a boy, if his short brown hair were anything to go by. After a moment, the boy waved at him.

Okay, that was _weird_.

Yeonjun couldn’t recognize him for the life of him, so he couldn’t stop his confused expression even if he waved back.

The boy took Yeonjun’s physical response as a cue to come towards him and that made him panic a little. He still didn’t know who that was and he didn’t had the best memory of interaction with strangers at the moment.

Before he could run away or hide, the boy was already standing like a poll before him. Yeonjun looked at him helplessly and took notice of the blush that the boy carried when he said, “Hey... How are you?”

The voice didn’t ring a bell either. He didn’t know how to act. He couldn’t know if he had met him before or not. Technically he only person with brown hair he knew in Seoul was Soobin, but he couldn’t just make assumptions.

“Hum... hello, I am fine thank you and you?” He answered stiffly. Gosh, that wasn’t going well. Even the boy could notice how uncomfortable he was. 

“I’m okay..?” He seemed confuse of Yeonjun’s question. “It doesn’t really matter how I am at the moment.” he chuckled in what seemed to be some kind of frustration. He gestured toward the opposite seat on Yeonjun’s booth, “Can I sit here?”

Could he? For all Yeonjun knew, he was a stranger. Plus, If that boy was going to keep acting weird like he was right now, maybe letting him sit wasn’t going to be a good idea. Especially if he couldn’t recognize who it was. There was no distinctive sign to show who it was.

Yeonjun cleared his throat to find an excuse to dismiss the boy’s request, but the waitress beat him to it.

“Excuse me sir, I have to serve this food.” She said politely, full blush on. She looked at the by before quickly looking away.

The boy looked over at her and moved over to let her get to the table, smiling while he did so. That’s when Yeonjun noticed them.

 

The dimples.

 

A wave of memories rushed through Yeonjun’s mind, because now he knew for sure who that was.

“Soobin? Is that you?”

The said boy seemed startled by Yeonjun’s doubt, and fuck, what was that question?

“Uh, yeah? Didn’t you recognize me?“ Soobin asked. The waitress had already served the food on the table and left by now. It was only the two of them and Yeonjun had messed up big time by asking this specific question.

“Pshhh, What? Of course I did. What kind of question is that?” Yeonjun miserably tried to save himself by chuckling awkwardly and he was starting to shake his legs in nervousness. “Please, sit down” he said quickly to change the subject. 

That had fortunately worked because Soobin went back to the booth he was first seating in to get his stuff and put them on Yeonjun’s table while the latter was nervously chewing on his fries.

Once the taller boy sat, he looked at Yeonjun and there seemed to be little sparkle in his eyes. They went perfectly with the fond smile he was sporting and now Yeonjun was feeling nervous for different reasons. 

“So, how are you feeling since the accident?” Soobin asked quietly.

“Well, in term of health, better. I needed some rest so I stayed home after I left the hospital. But as you can see I still have bruises.” he pointed at his chest and cheek. “Now mentally is another story...”

“Yeah, that must have been traumatizing for you in some ways. I thought of you a lot this week.”

“You thought of me?”

Soobin blinked at him, “Well, yeah of course I did. Especially because i couldn’t reach you, so I kept wondering if you were okay or not.” He confessed and that made Yeonjun look at him in a fond, appreciative way. “I’m glad you’re fine...”

Yeonjun smiled at him and tilted his head at Soobin’s cuteness, a reflex he had from inherited from his father, “Well, thank you. That’s nice of you to worry, I guess.”

“It’s normal really.” Soobin was blushing and avoiding Yeonjun’s look by now.

The latter chuckled at that and took a bite of his burger before saying, “You could say that it’s normal but the last time I was in situations like this passerby didn’t act like you did.” And he had said too much before stopping himself.

Soobin’s avoiding gaze snapped back to him at his confession. He looked at Yeonjun in shocked silence and why did he let that slip up?

“What do you mean? This kind of assault had already happened before?”

Technically, Yeonjun knew he didn’t have to answer that question. If he wanted he could dismiss it because he had no obligation to share his life with a mere stranger. Even though that stranger seemed really cute. And... Dimples. 

Nevertheless, somehow, one glance at Soobin was all it took to make Yeonjun want to share anything and everything about him. Those sparkling eyes — even when he had a sadden expression — were another feature to add to something that Yeonjun could remember Soobin by, along with the pout he was carrying.

“Listen, I’m not ready comfortable telling you that. It’s pretty personal...” And it really was. It was directly related to his condition. He wanted to feel normal, for once, and he didn’t feel comfortable saying anything about it to Soobin. But the expression that the taller boy carried didn’t help, even though he still nodded in understanding.

Plus, he couldn’t see those puppy eyes and not do something about it.

So he said impulsively, “You know what? How about we get to know each other more before I tell you about it, maybe then I’ll consider it?”

Soobin sad expression was replaced by a surprised one. He blinked twice before nodding vehemently and wow he looked like a bunny while doing so. 

“Yeah. Totally. Great. Let’s do it— that. I mean let’s do what you said. Yes.” A blushing Soobin stuttered and Yeonjun’s mind started to sound like a broken record by constantly repeating the word cute.

But that’s what they did though. They asked question after question and it was simply amazing. Yeonjun learned that Soobin was a Music major too, hence the book they got mixed at the library. He learned that Soobin minored in business to take care of his mother’s music store, because that was his dream since he was a child. He had four siblings, two brothers and two sisters and that shocked Yeonjun because one brother was already more than enough for him.

When Yeonjun told him about his own family and more specifically about his late father Soobin was on the verge of tears. He said he was really sorry for his loss four times in a row and it was right at this moment that Yeonjun knew that Soobin was special in some ways. Yeonjun took his hand for a few seconds to assure him it was okay — a mere reflex really — , but Soobin quickly withdrew his hands before he could do so.

Before Yeonjun could feel hurt by the sharp action, Soobin assured him it wasn’t against him at all and not to take it the wrong way. The alarmed look he was sporting made Yeonjun quickly tell him it was okay. After that, he did notice that something was a little odd, and he couldn’t help but notice how Soobin hid his hands under the table for the rest of the night.

He also learned smaller things like the fact that Soobin’s favorite color was red, just like Yeonjun; that his favorite animal was the raccoon — Yeonjun had laughed loudly at that but stopped when Soobin told him he was serious—; that he loved bread and almond milk but couldn’t eat spicy food. That he winked at people when he was too nervous.

 

(“Wait what? You actually wink at people?” Yeonjun stomach hurt from how much he was laughing.

“Don’t make fun of me, it’s a reflex, I can’t help it...” Soobin whined.

“Oh dear, excuse me, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable. You might want to wink at me to death or something.” He said back. At first, he didn’t expect any response, used to have people who dismissed him when he said stupid jokes.

He didn’t expect a loud —so, _so_ loud — squeaky sound that broke through the restaurant. It wasn’t even one of the best ones Yeonjun got but he still had in sight a Soobin red from laughing way too hard.

“Don’t worry, I would be able to handle myself. Who do you wink I am?”

Yeonjun blinked twice, and this time it was his turn to explode in laughters at the bad pun.

It took them ten minutes to calm down, and it was solely because the waitress was few seconds away from throwing them out.

The fond smile that they both had couldn’tbe tempered though.)

 

On his side, he couldn’t say too much without revealing his disease, and he was categoric on the fact that he wanted it to be a secret. Soobin had asked about his choice of hair color, and Yeonjun couldn’t say it was mainly because he wouldn’t be able to recognize his own reflection if it wasn’t for this hairstyle. Instead he said it was simply because he felt like it was a nice color. Soobin couldn’t argue with that answer.

Later on they learned that Yeonjun was in fact the oldest one of the two. A nice surprise for him mostly.

 

(“So... should I call you hyung now?” Soobin hesitated. He probably didn’t want to overstep a boundary. He was currently munching at a fry, looking at the floor like it’s the most interesting thing in the world, and how cute.

“Hum... I don’t know if you can actually. People have to work for it, you know. My best friend had to hang out with me for like a year before I allowed him to drop the formalities. ” Yeonjun teased the younger. 

“Well, let’s hang out for more than a year then.” Soobin said, probably spontaneously because he abruptly closed his mouth, as if he could keep the words he just spilled back inside. But it was too late, and Yeonjun was already blushing.

“Actually, you know what? I’ll give you a free pass. You can call me hyung now.” Yeonjun said to ease the growing awkwardness. “Feel blessed by this opportunity, it happens once every two decades.” 

“Aren’t you twenty though?” Soobin chuckled.

“Yes, and? What’s your point?”

“Then it doesn’t make any sen-“

“Your life doesn’t make any sense!”Yeonjun retorted childishly. He smirked at Soobin’s shook expression from the intense way he got cut. He went back to eating his fries, full pout on.

At this point Yeonjun was endeared by every expression Soobin made.)

 

Yeonjun had then explained that the reason why he was doing his freshmen year a year later was because he had retook a year in middle school - and not because of the year he took to recover from the accident. Soobin seemed impressed by his academic progression. “Going from ‘failing a year’ to being a student of SNU”. Yeonjun chuckled awkwardly before changing the subject.

By the end of the night, both of them knew each other way better and Yeonjun had permanent smiles plastered on his face. Soobin was an adorable person and his own smile could light up the darkest night Yeonjun thought. He was so interesting, so mesmerizing, that Yeonjun hadn’t seen the time passing by. It was currently close to midnight and the last text he sent Taehyung about encountering a friend was an hour ago.

It kind of physically pained him, but he had to leave.

Soobin was in the middle of telling a story about his childhood when he noticed Yeonjun’s expression. He looked at the time and his own eyes grew in size.

“Wow, we’ve been talking for almost three hours now...” He chuckled unapologetically, as if he regretted nothing and, truthfully, neither did Yeonjun. He had a great time.

“Yeah I have to go, otherwise my brother will flip.” Although the lack of text or miss calls told him that Jimin was plenty of a distraction for the time being.

“Okay, let’s go then. Let me call the waitress.” Soobin waved his hand at shat seemed to be the same waitress as before. Yeonjun quickly paid before Soobin that had offered to pay too. It was still sweet of him to offer, and suddenly Yeonjun realized that this simple kind gesture, amongst others, could mean something more.

 

 

***

 

 

Apparently, they both lived in the same neighborhood so they walked slowly side by side, filling the silence of the night with quiet words and laughters. After the fourth accidental (was it though?) hand brush Yeonjun had to ask just to be sure.

“Soobin, can I ask you something?”

Soobin, whom’s eyes had never left Yeonjun’s face answered “Yes, of course.”

“Um... Are you into guys?” The question sounded stupid somehow with all the blushing that had occured on both parts, all through the night, but he still had to be sure. 

Soobin seemed relieved by the question, “Oh. Well, I’m pansexual. So gender doesn’t matter really. How about you?” He answered easily and Yeonjun heart couldn’t help but flutter at the response.

 “Um — I- Me too. I’m pan too.” He stuttered and he couldn’t understand why he was so nervous. It wasn’t the first time he confessed his sexuality to someone. He came out to his family and best friend and he wasn’t as awkward as he was at the moment. Still he was relieved that Soobin had smiled encouragingly at his answer. 

“That’s... great. Amazing even. I don’t know that’s... Okay.” Soobin laughed awkwardly. His eye smile was showing alongside his sweet, sweet looking dimples.

They walked a little bit more and after few minutes, they were in front of Yeonjun’s building. “Well, that’s where I live...” His eyes never leaving Soobin’s soft smile. 

“Do you live far from here?”

Soobin rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. His hair looked soft. “Actually, we passed by my place few blocks away.” Yeonjun’s eyes grew at the statement and Soobin answered his question before he could even ask. “I wanted to walk you back to your home. Just to be safe, you know.” 

Those few words left the two boys in a blushing mess, eyes avoiding each other in shyness. What the hell was this boy doing to Yeonjun’s heart?

“Why are you so nice...” Yeonjun muttered softly only for him to hear. Soobin wasn’t like any person he had ever met before. He made Yeonjun feel so many things in the span of a night. He felt like he was constantly floating in soft clouds, clouds that were as fluffy and warm as the Soobin’s smile.

And, weirdly, when Yeonjun looked at Soobin, he thought — for few seconds — that he could see Soobin feeling the same way about him.

(Or maybe it was just Yeonjun misunderstanding and by that, getting his hopes up. But he didn’t want think about that at the moment.)

No matter what it was, he felt like leaving Soobin with just a goodbye wave wasn’t enough. Yeonjun wanted to live his life to the fullest. And somehow the guy right in front of him, someone that he met not even a week ago, seemed to be just about everything to live for.

So, Yeonjun slowly approached Soobin, his eyes never leaving him or his red soft looking cheeks, before he closed them momentarily.

 

It was like time was stopping, like the whole world was on pause, and slowly he kissed Soobin’s cheek.

  

It lasted few seconds, Yeonjun knew, but he still felt like an electric choc crossed his body, leaving butterflies in his stomach. He felt even great about this bold move, because Soobin’s response was the cutest thing ever.

After snapping out of the daze he was in from the unexpected peck, Soobin backed away in surprise, both of his hands now holding the cheek Yeonjun had kissed. Probably because he felt the little sparkle that emanated from this simple action. Probably because he wanted to hide the even more noticeable redness that was now showing on his neck too.

Soobin’s cheeks were soft, Yeojun thought, but not as soft as the look that he was giving Yeonjun after few seconds of fluster.

“That’s a thank you for saving me, bringing me to the hospital, spending this night with me... For everything really. ” Yeonjun said quietly and he definitely couldn’t look at Soobin in the eyes anymore, especially with how the latter looked at him so intently.

Soobin smiled shyly, “You— You’re welcome... Anytime, really.” He stuttered.

“Could I get your number, maybe? To hang out more? Maybe?”

His hesitation made Yeonjun chuckled softly. He took his phone (ignoring his brother’s messages about his location — it could wait a bit, he already had texted him ten minutes ago) and gave it to Soobin who did the same with his own phone.

After saving his number, he handed back the phone and when he got his phone back, it seemed a little wet. He looked at Soobin in wonder and the younger looked away again, this time in embarrassment.

(Suddenly Yeonjun remembered the library ‘incident’ and how clammy were Soobin’s hands. Soobin didn’t mentioned anything about them that night when they got to know each other. He guessed that the younger wasn’t ready to talk about it right away, even though you couldn’t really miss it, and as Yeonjun had his own secrets he completely understood that, he decided to ignore it.)

He gazed at Soobin after the latter dared to look at him again and Yeonjun tried his hardest to show that clammy hand situation didn’t matter. If anything it made him even cuter, in some weird, gross way.

Yeonjun cleared his throat and said, “Well, I should go... I’ll text you. Or you text me. Hum— Bye Soobin.” he smiled softly one last time. Soobin waved back at him, smile still really shy while muttering “Bye, Yeonjun hyung”. He then turned around to open the front door.

He looked at him one last time before entering his home. Soobin was still looking at him. Yeonjun could explose in combustion at this moment, just by the way he was looking at him. He quickly entered the door before more gently closing the door.

He stayed still for what seemed like an eternity, back plastered on the door. Be glanced in the peephole to see if Soobin was still there, and indeed he was there, watching the front as if he was in a daze. Few seconds later, he shook his head to snap out of his thoughts. He threw one last gaze at the door, before turning his back to leaving.

This whole night felt like an hallucination, a strange, beautiful dream. Like a summary of every romcom movies he hated to love. 

Yeonjun couldn’t believe he had kissed his cheek like that. He wanted to die of embarrassment for doing such a bold action. But at the same time, he never felt more alive. He felt like he could walk on clouds. He felt like—

“Yeonjun, what the hell?”

The boy was in such a trance he hadn’t noticed his brother standing in the hallwayleading to the living room, looking right at him like he had gone crazy. 

“You texted me you were in the neighborhood fifteen minutes ago, where were you?” Taehyung was looking at him incredulously, but no act or rant from his brother could kill the butterflies he had in his stomach.

 

 

***

 

 

Later that night in his bed, he barely could shut an eye. Feeling so many things from the night he just had. He kept thinking about dimples and soft cheeks and clammy hands (the last one was kind of weird, but he still couldn’t help it).

He tried to stop the stray thoughts. After all, they had only just met a few days ago. He needed to calm his heart down before his imagination took over. He still had assignments to do the day after. He took a deep breath to clear his mind, and somehow, fifteen minutes later, it worked.

He was ready to fall asleep when he heard the little buzz from his phone, indicating he received a message. He slowly took his phone to check it and a smile spread through his face when he saw the name on his screen.

 

 **From** : **Soobinie**

Sweet dreams hyung

:)

 

Yeonjun sighed in contentment. Sleep were for the weak anyways. 

 

(He tried to ignore his heart getting weak for a certain dimpled boy.)

 

 


	3. We can run across the sky (be careful of the fall)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys...  
> I cannot be more sorry for posting this so much time after i posted the last chapter. I had personal issues and after i just wasn’t in the right mentality to pursue this fanfiction, with college and everything.  
> Anyways im back for real now and I’m super excited to post it, i hope someone will read it :((
> 
> Also!!!!  
> This may contain triggering events, obe of the character does have a reaction that could look like a panic attack. I never had one but few friends of mine did, so I think i can say that what I wrote wasn’t exactly a panic attack but I just everyone to be safe :(( 
> 
> Anyways other than that I made it extra long to make up for my absence.  
> I hope you enjoy it :) don’t hesitate to comment to scold me for my long hiatus, (or to show love lol)

 

After this night with Soobin, they soon got way closer. It was like the simple fact of willingly agreeing to get to know each other made them eager for more. More time together, one way or another. 

Yeonjun knew it wasn’t quite usual to get close to someone this fast, but he couldn’t help himself. Soobin was just too much of a good person.

They spent lunch breaks together when they could. Went to the library to study the the material of the classes they shared Came to each other’s home just to hang out. Sometimes Hyunjin tagged along and Yeonjun was just really happy in those moments.

Him and Hyunjin had gotten closer too. After the refused invitation, the younger was adamant on finding time to spend together, so that Yeonjun could ‘let loose’. Somehow the lie about the overload of assigments made Hyunjin think that Yeonjun was just inches from overworking himself to death, so it was like a mission for him to make sure the older relaxed when they were together. 

Yeonjun was feeling good.

Taehyung was also way cooler. A month after the assault, things were calmer, so Taehyung was less into Yeonjun’s business and it was fine by him. His older brother was way too focused on Jimin to meddle into Yeonjun’s life anyways, and Yeonjun was so grateful that his smaller hyung had arrived in his brother’s life. Although Taehyung still didn’t want to explain from where he knew Jimin, he was simply glowing every time the shorter male was around. Yeonjun found it adorable.

Beomgyu was just happy for Yeonjun, that he was finally living the ‘life he deserved’. 

(“As my two favorite Parks and Rec. characters said: TREAT YOURSELF JUNNIE.” Beomgyu screamed through the phone.

“Sir, this is a MacDonald’s drive through.”

“Oh, shut up.”)

Although his best friend was kind of jealous of Hyunjin, feeling like he was being replaced. Yeonjun had tried to explain that no one could ever replace him but trying to make him understand this kind of things was nearly impossible. 

“Taehyunnie is just so amazing Junnie, I feel like dying every time he’s smiling at me. Which is always by the way. Plus I like the fact that he can be savage too.” Beomgyu gushed through the phone. 

It was Friday night and Yeonjun was getting ready to go out with Hyunjin, he still didn’t know where. Hyunjin made sure to keep it a secret.

“That’s great Beomie, I’m so happy for you. And although i would love to hear all about Taehyun’s ability to zone out in any situation, his mouth wide open and googly eyes shining in the moonlight — ugh, why do I remember that — I have to go.” Yeonjun said unapologetically.

A silence, before a dramatic “Oh.” And here we go.

“Oh, so you’re leaving me for this Hyunjin again, uh? Leaving me stranded in this shit town, friendless, jobless, homeless, uh?” Beomgyu dramatically whimpered. Yeonjun just rolled his eyes, to what Beomgyu answered, “I know you’re rolling your eyes at me, stop it you brat!”

Sometimes Yeonjun was scared of how well Beomgyu knew him, but again, it had its perks so he didn’t complain about it too much. For instance, after four years of friendship Yeonjun never had to say his restaurant order when they were out because Beomgyu just always knew. Once he even anticipated Yeonjun’s next food allergy and when the latter didn’t want to believe him he felt quite like a fool, having to go to the hospital because of peanut allergy while Beomgyu was repeatedly muttering, ‘I told you so’.

“I’m not leaving you. You need to stop with your fake abandonment issues Beomie. You’re the one always talking about Taehyun while we’re calling each other.” Yeonjun reminded his best friend.

After seconds on silence he knew he had won this argument. 

“Ugh, you know what?” Beomgyu huffed, “I didn’t came here to be attacked, just know that your Hyunjin will never be me. There’s no one but me that could stay friends with you after I’ve seen you eating a whole bucket of mustard and clogged my house’s toilet not once, not twice but three times in a row.” Yeonjun winced at the embarrassing memory. God, could Beomgyu be a asshole sometimes.

“Why do you always need to remind this.” Yeonjun whined. He couldn’t look at his best friend’s family in the eyes for a month. “Your baby sister stopped having a crush on me after this. Actually, she stopped respecting me altogether after this.” Yeonjun chuckled. Beomgyu hated the fact his baby sister had a raging crush on ‘cool Yeonjun oppa’, especially because she loved to compare them both. That hit his ego in the best ways. 

“Speaking of crushes... Where is that pretty boy of yours, uh? I would allow him to replace me in your life of it meant you having a little fun.” The tease in Beomgyu’s voice was so evident and he was horrifyingly annoying. As soon as Yeonjun explained what had happened with Soobin that night they met at the diner, Beomgyu couldn’t stop gushing — read teasing — about it. Especially after he saw a picture of them both. It was the ‘cutest thing that had ever happened on earth, right after Taehyun when he laughed that one day he bla-bla-bla’. Yeonjun doesn’t remember what day it was, even though Beomgyu always make sure to remind him of that specific  ‘marvelous’ day. (It was a Thursday. No Thursday is marvelous.)

“See? You’re asking me about him, because you don’t know a lot about Soobin. Why is that, you ask? Because normal people don’t spend their time talking about their crushes 24/7 like you do. Please take notes from normal people Beomie.”

“You’re the one talking about him now, aren’t you? I was talking about your own lover boy for once, and you skipped this wonderful opportunity. Just for this reason, you don’t deserve my attention.” Beomgyu joked. What a brat. 

“What attention are you giving me, except thinking about me enough to call me randomly, huh?” Yeonjun pointed out. “Then it’s all ‘Taehyun did this’, ‘he did that’. ‘Oh Junnie, he’s so funny, he once caught a dragon fly in his mouth because it’s always open, that’s so cute.’” Yeonjun imitated his best friend. He could hear him gasp in indignation. “It’s not cute to have insects in your mouth. It’s only highly unhygienic.” 

“No it was cute. And you know what, let’s wait for you and Soobin to be all lovy dovy. Soon you’ll say the exact same things. And I will be right here, in the front line, to say that it’s, as you put it, ‘giving everyone diabetes’.” Beomgyu said finally. 

“It’ll never happen, but whatever helps you sleep at night.” Yeonjun watched his watch and it was nearly 10PM, he really had to move. 

“Listen I have to get ready. I’m going out tonight.” He announced solemnly. Beomgyu squealed — actual squeals, what in the world — in excitement at the news. It was one of the main reasons the younger couldn’t wait to go to college. Basically, to go out. To call fun nights nights that aren’t Yeonjun and him singing the entire Mamamoo discography and creating elaborate plans to have Beomgyu talk to his weekly crush (only to have the plan fail when they actually try it out).

“You better honor me tonight Yeonjun. Or I’ll come here to hunt you down.” Beomgyu announced threateningly and what a drama queen. Yeonjun just couldn’t understand why he didn’t like Hyunjin when they were pretty similar. 

“Yeah, well I still have to choose my outfit. So we’ll see how that goes, okay? I have to go now. See ya Beombble Bee.”

Before hanging up he vaguely heard a “You better send pics.”

After a long reflexion on the matter and Hyunjin’s texting him incessantly about how pretty he must look tonight because they’re going to a ‘place to impress’, he opted for a navy blue short sleeved shirt tucked into a black ripped skinny jean. He completed his look with the earring that Soobin had gave him as a late birthday present. It was a long silver earring that had a sun and a moon hanging at the end. He was so moved by the gift that he had practically jumped in Soobin’s arms after he had shyly gave the simple but beautiful present. 

Once he finished getting dressed, he applied a little bit of makeup just to be sure. He didn’t know if Soobin was going to be where Hyunjin had planned for them to go, but he hoped that he would see Yeonjun like this. The more him and Soobin spent time together, the more he let himself go, aka made no effort whatsoever to look good. Not that he needed to have reasons other than for himself to look good. Plus, it was good that in such a short span of time they were comfortable enough to be themselves. Still, he enjoyed pampering himself in this particular occasion, and if Soobin happened to be there, then so be it. (He hoped he would be here though. Goddamn it, he only looked that good like once a year.)

 

His phone buzzed for the nth time and he checked his messages right away to send a text to Hyunjin. 

 

From : Hyunjinie~ 

Hey

Answer me

Hey

Im talking to you

You better be ready 

Its 11PM 

 

To : Hyunjinie~

Im ready now

Are you gonna tell me where we’re going now?

I dont even know if i dressed up appropriately for the occasion

I dont know who im trying to impress

 

From: Hyunjinie~

Well

Now that you’re ready

And that im five minutes away from your home

Im going to tell you

Drum roll please

 

To: Hyunjinie~

... Am I supposed to really do them or...?

 

From : Hyunjinie~

No

Never mind 

You’re useless hyung wow

Anyways 

We’re going tooooo

A REAL COLLEGE PARTYYYYY

 

 

Yeonjun froze at the message. Technically he kind of expected it, it’s Saturday night and Hyunjin told him to dress to go out. The issue was he didn’t said anything to his brother because he feared his reaction. 

Now he had to sneak out.

He hated the fact he couldn’t just go out as he wished. He was in college for heaven’s sake. But he knew that simply explaining that to Taehyung wouldn’t cut it. The assault that happened a month ago was still fresh in their memory. Telling him that he was going at a party that started at midnight was risky. So he had to lie to Taehyung. 

According to the time on his watch, Taehyung was already in his bed, probably texting Jimin. All he had to do was wait ten minutes, then watch out for the time before saying good night to him without being seen. Then arrange some plushies in his bed that would make a believable silhouette of him. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. 

 

To :Hyunjinie~

Yeah okay then you’ll have to wait for me to sneak out of my house

Dont ask why

 

From: Hyunjinie~

I dont even need to ask why

The whole earth know why

Just

Just hurry up pls

 

So he executed his plan. The technical part was easy. It’s the “goodnight Tae” part that was going to be complicated. Yeonjun took a deep breath and peered in the living room to make sure his brother was indeed in his bed ready to sleep. All the lights were off except for the one in his room so the coast was clear. 

He moved closely to the bedroom door until he was practically stuck to it. He tried to hear what was his brother doing and all he heard was silence. The light was still on so he couldn’t be sleeping yet. Yeonjun had to wait for some noise. He couldn’t let his brother see him with makeup on, otherwise he would obviously be really suspicious. 

Then suddenly he heard a low chuckle followed by a slow sigh. 

“Jimin, stop, I’m not falling asleep.” The low deep voice said. So he was on the phone with Jimin. Perfect . He was going to fall asleep in the next five minutes. 

Yeonjun waited for the next silence before announcing loud enough “Hyung, I’m going to bed now. Good night.”

Few seconds passed before an understanding hum could be heard. Yeonjun thought he had succeeded his mission. He slowly walked away from the door but was held back soon enough. 

“Aren’t you giving me a good night kiss, Junnie?” 

Yeonjun froze at the question because how the fuck was he going to get out of that? What was even that question? They never did this before, so why now? Why here? Why—

“So I don’t know about your family, but we don’t do that in mine, Jimin. See? He didn’t even answered me. He’s probably already in his room by now.” Taehyung chuckled while seemingly answering Jimin and thank you Jesus because Yeonjun was about to have an heart attack. 

He toed his shoes and texted Hyunjin that he would be out in few minutes. He tiptoed to his bedroom window before climbing out of it and leaving it open to comeback when he’ll come back from the party. He did a last overall check of his room to make sure that everything was done and believable. Once it was all ready he climbed down and ran to Hyunjin’s car. 

He made sure that it was indeed Hyunjin before entering it. He could see the glint of the younger’s multiple earrings in the moonlight through the car window. Plus the licence plate was a good indication.

He opened the door and he could already sense the glare that his friend was sending him. 

“Oh. Thank you for gratifying us with your presence. We almost waited.” Hyunjin humored him, to what Yeonjun rolled his eyes with a small smile. He looked good. Yeonjun couldn’t see the whole outfit because it was dark even inside of the car, but he saw a white shirt with two buttons open (quite a surprise coming from Hyunjin that liked to put tape on his buttons sometimes because he wanted to ‘preserve his innocence’. Whatever that meant.)  He had tucked the shirt into black skinny jeans and had a midnight blue bomber jacket to complete the look. Yeonjun could also see the heavy eye makeup that brought out his eyes. Adding to that the multiple earrings and a silver chain, Hyunjin was indeed ‘dressed to impress’. 

“You’re welcome. It doesn’t take few minutes to look this good Hyunjin, okay? Not everyone can be effortlessly nice looking like you.” Yeonjun buckled his seat belt. “Plus, you told me we were going to a place to impress, so I had to make an effort.” He explained. “Who are you trying to impress though?”

“That’s a good question.” A deep voice at the backseat said  and Yeonjun almost jumped out of his seat in fright. He turned around to be faced to a blond person with short hair. His deep voice — deeper than his brother’s may he add — didn’t match the soft traits of his small face. He had big smile on that revealed perfect teeth when their eyes met. 

“Ugh, no one asked you Felix.” Hyunjin whined. He then realised that both of his friends didn’t know each other. “Yeonjun, that’s my friend, Felix. Felix that’s the cool hyung — THAT IS REAL. HE IS REAL. — Yeonjun hyung.” 

It was the first time Yeonjun met one of Hyunjin’s friend. He had heard a lot about them. Especially about Felix and some other guy that was his age, Changbin. So it was nice to finally put a face — or some features, at least — on the name.

They greeted each other quickly before Hyunjin started off the engine to drive to the party. 

“You didn’t answer hyung though— can I call you hyung?” Yeonjun nodded with a smile. ”Okay, you didn’t answered his question, who are you trying to impress?” Felix asked and Yeonjun could hear the curiosity laced in — was it insecurity? — his wavering voice. Yeonjun wondered what was that about.

Hyunjin didn’t answered right away and Yeonjun almost thought that the light blush on his cheeks were just an effect due the street lights. Something was definitely up. 

“That’s none of your business Felix.... Anyways, hyung what took you so long?”

Yeonjun decided to help Hyunjin in what seemed to be a real haste to change the subject. “Well,  as you know. My brother kind of doesn’t know I’m out right now so” he dragged the last word.” We’ll see how that goes.”

“Well, I’m planning to get smashed tonight. So I’m going to leave the car at Changbin’s house, and we’ll have to take the bus to come back home. I checked and the first buses come around 5AM. Hopefully your brother will still be asleep by the time you get back home. There’s a train station right next to Binnie’s home too.” Hyunjin was so thorough with this kind of stuff. Yeonjun appreciated that about him. 

“Thanks Hyunjinnie. You’re an amazing friend for once.” He teased him. Hyunjin giggled at the answer just as Felix huffed. Yeonjun looked at the rear view mirror and noticed that the blond had a frown on, his small lips forming a pout. Yeonjun really had to dig on that story. 

They made small talk during the rest of the ride, Yeonjun tried to turn around a lot to have a clear view of Felix’s features. The few pictures that Hyunjin had showed him before weren’t enough to pick up things to remember, except for the blond hair. That wasn’t even that unique when he had people like his brother and Beomgyu that had that distinctive feature. Felix had sharp and delicate traits  though, which was weird but endearing. His smile could also light up an entire room really. It seemed like Hyunjin had noticed that because his own smile grew every time he glanced at Felix’s. 

Although Yeonjun had question to ask later to Hyunjin about that, he decided to focus on the recognition task. Felix had an earring that looked familiar. He quickly gazed at Hyunjin’s animated figure as he was telling a story about the last party he went to and there it was. The same earring but if the gem in the silver sun was golden for Felix, it was ruby red for Hyunjin. 

Now his doubt weren’t only suspicions. 

They slowed down when they arrived near a big  mansion. The trap music could be heard from two blocks down. He could feel also Hyunjin and Felix buzzing in excitement. He only gulped when he peered at the amount of people that were only in front lawn. 

Yeonjun had completely forgotten about that determinant factor. Party equaled social gathering. Social gathering equaled people. People equaled danger. Big danger. He was going to be so mentally drained after that. Plus, knowing how friendly Hyunjin was, he probably knew everyone in the party. That meant he had to introduce himself and recognize some kind of features for a lot  of people. 

What had he gotten himself into. He was screwed. 

Hyunjin had already jumped out of his car as soon as he parked it. And maybe his anxiety was showing a little too much, even from the back, because he felt tiny hands taking his own. He turned around to see Felix looking at him with reassuring eyes.

“Hyung don’t worry. Jinnie told me that it was your first time going out to a big college party. I know it can be a little much, but you should relax and try to have a good time.” He squeezed his hands and that eased Yeonjun’s increasing anxiety a little, ”If you feel uncomfortable, come find me or Hyunjin. Okay?” The younger said softly. 

Before Yeonjun could answer and thank him, Hyunjin opened his door abruptly.

“Come on guys, all the good alcohol will be gone.” He dragged Yeonjun out of the car before locking it. 

He took a big breath as Felix sent him an encouraging look. They walked towards the house that was literally buzzing because of the loud music. 

He could do this. He waited his whole life to go out. He could do this. 

 

 

***

 

 

He couldn’t do this.

He was currently hiding in the toilet upstairs, a little drunk. What was the deal with this house? Doors everywhere. Bedroom full of people doing things he most certainly didn’t want to talk about. He walked on too many traumatizing things to count. He was scarred, for life. 

How did he got himself in this situation, you ask?

One of the things he remembered was the heat wave that hit him as he entered the house. It was hell, figuratively and literally because it was surely full of sins. Seeing all those people — a big part of them being around his age or younger than him — grinding on each other, smoking, making out and drinking, it gave him a new perspective on life. He thought that parties in movies were a myth. He was wrong. 

He walked straight to the kitchen after crawling his way through the crowd. Truly, he didn’t understood Hyunjin and Felix. They were in their element really. Hyunjin had already took over the center of the dance floor along with Felix, and Yeonjun was left alone in twenty seconds top. He knew it would happen but he still felt betrayed. 

Hyunjin had basically left him stranded in this house full of strangers that were all sweaty and sticky. So he made his way to the kitchen because he needed comfort food, or a comfort drink at least. Then when he entered the kitchen he walked in on more people making out. He recognized one of the boys as Jeno, his partner in one of his class. The boy had a sharp face and strong traits, he also had white hair and a pretty big nose that made him pretty much recognizable from everywhere. Yeonjun was lucky to have him as a partner for those same reasons. 

He would have said hello but he was sucking faces with someone so Yeonjun just sneaked in to silently take a bowl of 

chips and took some fruit punch. It was probably super spiked, but he needed that at the moment so he poured himself a cup. 

When he came back to the dance-floor-turned-living room, Hyunjin was grinding on some boy while Felix was grinding on Hyunjin himself. 

He had left for like five minutes. 

He made his way to a couch to eat and take some pictures of the scene (and have some evidences for his future questions) but ten minutes later, two boys sat next to him. Two loud boys.

They talked to him but he couldn’t hear anything, not that he wanted to listen to them anyways when they reeked of alcohol. After some time where Yeonjun tried to pointedly ignore them by sipping a little too much of his punch, one of them took his face in his clammy big hands and turned it toward him forcefully.

“I’m talking to you, doll.” He slurred. Yeonjun only wanted to have blackmail material on his friend and eat his chips in peace. He definitely didn’t need that guy’s hand on him. He pulled away from the strong grip. He also took off the hand of the other guy that was sneaking on his thigh when he didn’t pay attention. 

“Leave me alone. Right now.” Yeonjun demanded with bite. After his assault he decided that if he couldn’t physically fight, he would at least try to defend himself verbally. He quickly got up from his seat and stomped on the feet of the first guy that had grabbed his face, spilling his drink and chips on the other guy’s lap. He then had quickly scrambled to closest stairs to make his escape. He tried to glance toward Hyunjin to catch his gaze but the younger seemed occupied from other activities with Felix and the — triangle shaped face, Yeonjun noticed — guy. 

He climbed up the stairs two steps at the time and here he was in the bathroom, hiding from everyone and everything. He checked his watch and barely forty five minutes had passed since they arrived. He was tipsy, freaked out and a little sweaty.

He wasn’t going to survive this. It was a mistake. Frankly he couldn’t understand how it was possible that he had forgotten how big gatherings gave him anxiety. Maybe it was the fact that after his accident, the few occasions where he did went to those were with people he already knew. With people he knew could be mean and unforgiving. Maybe, deep down, he thought college would be different. That it would be a do over, where he could let his fears and apprehensions fade away. But it was a mistake. A big, huge mist—

His thoughts were so loud that he almost missed his phone buzzing of his phone. When he saw the name through his vision blurred, he felt like he could breathe a little better.

 

From: Soobinie

There are people grossly making out in front of my precious eyes and i don’t know what to do

Do something

 

Yeonjun chuckled at the message after taking a three big breath to calm himself down a little. He was still shaking a little from the events, but already felt a little better just by picturing the pout that Soobin was making at the scene he was describing.

 

To : Soobinie

Tell them that almighty Choi Yeonjun demanded them to stop this filth

 

To what Soobib sent laughing emojis. 

 

To: Soobinie

Where are u rn? 

 

They texted frequently but their weekend plans hadn’t come up in the discussion prior to now. He hoped that Soobin was there, somehow.

 

From : Soobin

I’m at a party

The music is so loud

Its some trap music too, not my favorite kind

What am I doing here...

 

Yeonjun could hear the trap music from his hiding place and thank you baby Jesus. Soobin was there.

 

To : Soobinie

Omg Soobin im at a party too!!!

We’re at the same party I think 

Lets check

Dis u just hear something crash?

 

From : soobinie

Yeah I did!

It was Hyunjin Felix and Changbin’s fault I think

But whatever!

Where are you?

 

To : Soobinie

Long story but I locked myself in the bathroom upstairs

Third door to the left

and I’m thirsty

Come save meeee

(Bring some food too pls)

 

He could feel the alcohol doing its effect with the minute passing.

 

From : Soobin

Ok ok

Im coming in few

 

Yeonjun felt way better at the idea. And at the prospect of food too. He quickly took a look at the mirror to check if he was still ‘dressed to impress’ enough. He glanced and saw his cheeks flushed from the alcohol but nothing else worth correcting. He then remembered that barely an hour had passed since the beginning of the party.

Few minutes later he heard a loud knock followed by a faint “Hyung, open up”.

He opened the door to chips and two bottles held high hiding the face of the tall figure standing before him. Yeonjun lowered the food and drinks to peer at the person. 

Dimples and perfect eye smile. Yup, that checked out. 

He let the boy enter the vast bathroom and say back on the closed toilets. 

“You didn’t tell me you were going to Changbin’s party hyung. I’ve been here for  two hours now, you should have told me.” Soobin pressed, full pout on. Ugh two minutes in and already such a cutie

“Well I didn’t even know I was coming here either. Hyunjin told me where we were going two hours ago.” Yeonjun explained back. Soobin put the food and drinks — coke and what seemed to be some kind of alcohol — down on the floor. He sat down on the ground and soon Yeonjun followed him. 

“Well, at least we’re both here now. I was getting bored. There is only certain amount of time before you get sick of seeing people swallow each other’s faces.” Soobin huffed. Yeonjun chuckled while opening the chips. He then poured himself and Soobin some coke, before mixing it with the alcohol with Soobin monitoring him. They drank in silence — the coke didn’t hide anything, he could still taste the bitterness of the strong alcohol — he could feel Soobin’s gaze on him. He threw him a pointed look.

“What?” 

“You look beautiful.” Yeonjun blushed at the compliment. Soobin was getting more and more confident with those, and Yeonjun more flustered every time he received one.

“You look really handsome too.” Yeonjun muttered. “I love the thing. The choker. Very hot.” He said teasingly. Soobin must have been caught off guard because he spluttered at the comment before laughing his squeaky embarrassed laugh. 

“And what about you? You’re wearing my present. It’s pretty on you.” The eye smile was back on and Yeonjun’s heart fluttered at the sight. He truly was a sweetheart. 

Yeonjun didn’t want to label what was going on between them. Obviously he had a small crush on Soobin, and all those compliments he received weren’t always solely friendly, too. He knew that Soobin felt something, too. But for now Yeonjun liked where they were, what they were. He didn’t need more for the moment being. 

“Well, thank you Soobin. I love it.” He answered. 

They kept talking and laughing together for some time — an hour and a half actually — and with that, getting drunker to the point that Yeonjun saw things in the bathroom all blurry. He was a lightweight apparently because Soobin was just fine. But after the fourth drink he had his head resting on Soobin’s shoulder and he was playing with the younger’s hands, even though Soobin was reluctant to let him do so. After a little bit of pouting he agreed, cheeks completely flushed from the action. 

“I love your hands, Soobinie. They’re so small. So tiny.” Yeonjun touched each fingers and stuck his palm to Soobin’s to compare sizes. They were clammy again, but Yeonjun couldn’t care less. 

“Hyung, my hands are bigger than yours.” Soobin chuckled awkwardly. The stiffness of his shoulder after Yeonjun started touching his hands alarmed the older and he raised his head from the younger’s shoulder to point it out. 

“What’s wrong?” Yeonjun asked. After few seconds of silence he continued. “You know, I noticed you hid your hands a lot.” The shoulders stiffened even more if that was possible and Soobin’s eyes grew in panic. 

“Not that it’s a problem or anything. We all have some things to hide from people. I don’t blame you. Once when I was a child I took a dump in my mother’s favorite vase, then blamed my dog for it. I hid that from everyone and I’ll take that secret to the grave.” Yeonjun confessed while slurring a little. He then realized he had just betrayed himself.

 

Oh well.

 

Yeonjun looked at Soobin for a while, the younger looked like he was debating with himself over something, little frown on and everything. He then released a sigh in defeat before meeting Yeonjun’s gaze. Soobin startled at the closeness of their faces and quickly put more space between them. Yeonjun pouted at the action but Soobin pointedly ignored it, even though he didn’t look all that happy to do so.

“Well. To be completely honest with you. I do feel self conscious about my hands.” He began hesitantly. Yeonjun hummed to tell him to go on while resting his head on Soobin’s shoulder again. He had stop playing with the younger’s hands but still held them gently as a sign support. 

“See, I was born with a genetic condition named focal hyperhidrosis. Apparently, my grandmother had it. Basically I sweat a whole lot. Way too much, from my hands mainly, and yeah, it’s something I’m a little ashamed of. When I was a child, for the smallest stuff I would freak out and sweat profusely, because the condition also caused me a lot of anxiety. Plus it didn’t help that other kids would make fun of me because of it. That caused me stress growing up, too.” Yeonjun could feel the buzz of Soobin’s voice through his entire body as he spoke and shuddered at the memories. “It was to the point that, around my sixth birthday, my close family was the only peole I wasn’t stressed around. That’s why I would always stick to my brothers or to my mother.” He smiled a little, “Obviously, I had to go to middle school and meet other people. Other people that knew wouldn’t be more understanding of my condition. Just grossed out by it.” he said in a quiet voice.

“My hands, every time I get in a situation that could be stressful, or that makes me nervous, or even that could require too much emotions, are becoming super sweaty, really fast.” He looked at the hand that Yeonjun wasn’t holding, and Yeonjun could see the disgust and sadness in his eyes. 

“Of course, people did bully me because of it back in middle school. Plus, the fact that I wasn’t all that strong and hated any kind of physical altercation didn’t make things easier. I was an easy target.” He muttered. Yeonjun wanted to hug him. And because he was drunk enough not to overthink it, he did. He slowly interlaced his arms around Soobin’s, then hummed to tell him to proceed before Soobin could get awkward about it. 

“It lasted for years. It was after a really bad fight that almost brought me to the hospital that I decided that it couldn’t go on. Medications worked a little but not enough to make the bullying stop. My parents tried to do all the researches possible to fix it indefinitely, but it costed to much because it was pretty severe. It was either this or not getting into the college I dreamed of since I was ten years old. So I had to live with it. And I did.”

“The only difference was that I couldn’t let people walk all over me. So I took boxing class at the start of high school. Figured that if my hand was the reason I felt self conscious, well, might as well use them to make me stronger... I don’t know if that made sense.” He flexed his hand and Yeonjun tightened his hold around Soobin’s arm. 

“At first it was hard. I was really skinny and weak because my anxiety would keep me from eating often lot. But after some time and motivation from my entire family and my therapist, I became stronger. Physically and mentally.” Yeonjun could hear the smile in Soobin’s word and it reached his own face, too. 

“Eventually bullies stop bothering me when they figured I could fight back. After some time I felt more confident about my flaws and worked harder to better myself. And, yeah, here I am now.” He finished with a sigh. He sounded exhausted but the small smile he had on, revealing little dimples, showed that maybe he needed to let it all out.

“Thank you for telling me. You’re really brave.” Yeonjun smiled at the growing blush that Soobin was carrying. He felt like it wasn’t only from the strong alcohol consumption. “But I don’t understand, you’re way more confident now — I mean you’re awkward sometimes but it’s adorable. So why do you keep hiding your hands from me?” Yeonjun asked and he was getting a little sleepy all the sudden. He felt Soobin gulp but dismiss it to rest his eyes by closing them for a few moments.

“Well, hum. You know why.“ He started, unsurely. When Yeonjun didn’t say anything he continued, “You make me nervous hyung.” 

Yeonjun opened his eyes wide at the confession. Sure, He was drunk but he was clear minded enough to see what Soobin meant by those words. He looked up back at Soobin that didn’t dare to look at him in the eyes. He looked straight ahead and Yeonjun could see how flush his neck was getting. It was cute. So he said it.

“You’re cute Soobin.” He said, eyes never leaving the younger. Soobin’s entire face was beat read by now and Yeonjun couldn’t keep himself from smiling when he whispered “Look at me.” 

Reluctantly, Soobin looked at Yeonjun and it was like time had stopped abruptly. Suddenly, it was like there was only them. The loud trap music was just white noise. All of their problems and everything else was dust, and they both blew it away with the shallow breath they would take while they were loosing themselves in each other’s gazes. At this moment nothing mattered. At this moment nothing could be heard except Yeonjun’s heart beat. At this moment Yeonjun felt like he could finally see Soobin. Even despise his own condition, he looked at him and for the first time since his accident he felt like he finally saw someone. Not their hair or mere accessories. 

He could see everything. 

Soobin leaned towards Yeonjun, leaving only few inches between their faces, so close that he could feel Soobin’s eyes closing by the flutter of his long dark lashes against his cheeks. The small puff that left Soobin made Yeonjun shudder as he closed his eyes as well. They just stayed unmoving breathing each other, savoring this moment of intimacy, hands interlaced. And yet it was all Yeonjun had never knew he wanted. All he thought he—

Knock knock knock.

The door jumbled abruptly. “Hey! I need to take a dump.”

The sound startled them out of their trance and they quickly withdrew from each other. Soobin cleared his throat awkwardly and scratched his hair. Yeonjun was just dumbfounded by what was going to happen. Before he could utter a word, more loud knocks interrupted him. 

“Yo, what are you doing in here?” 

Yeonjun groaned at the guy outside, cursing him in his mind. 

“We should get out anyways. We’ve been here for two hours.” Soobin said quietly, the music from downstairs almost drowning his words. Yeonjun sighed wanting to protest and Soobin didn’t dare looking at him in the eyes. After more knocks he quickly got up to open the door.

Some guy wearing cargo shorts was in front of the door, the wall being the only thing holding him from falling. He sounded and looked drunk. 

“Oh finally— Oh well isn’t that Choi Soobin.” Cargo Short said after peering over Yeonjun’s tense shoulders. 

Soobin waved at the guy, expression still crestfallen from what, Yeonjun didn’t know. 

“Hey, Eric. How are you?” Soobin didn’t even pretended to mean those few words.

“I’m doing great. The party is awesome. ‘Chicks are hot. ‘Booze is great right and I need to take a shit. So if you’ll excuse me.” Cargo shorts then pushed the two of them to lock himself into the bathroom. 

It was then that Soobin looked at Yeonjun and Yeonjun instantly regretted meeting his eyes. 

Regret.

That’s what he saw in Soobin’s expression. 

Yeonjun wanted to throw up. 

Soobin seemed to have something stuck in his throat because he cleared it again before saying “Huh, sorry for that back in the bathroom. I’m really drunk right now.” And he chuckled, but something just felt wrong in that. Yeonjun didn’t understand why he was laughing because his eyes showed anything but mirth at the moment. After few seconds Soobin’s words resonated in his head and soon his stomach dropped. He could feel his face decompose by the second. 

Had he misread the situation? 

Sure, they were both drunk but he didn’t even regret or second-guess what happened. And he thought that that much was clear on Soobin’s side, too. He looked at Soobin and he couldn’t read him anymore. He couldn’t see him.

Maybe he was wrong after all. He had to get out of this situation fast.

“Hum, I have to go.” He said quickly and he didn’t let Soobin the time to answer before fast pacing through the hallway and climb down the stairs. The loud music barely covered Soobin calling his name, but he acted like it did.

 

***

 

It was almost 3AM and he couldn’t find Hyunjin nor Felix. So he did the next thing that was rational after looking for them for 30 minutes. He drank.

Admittedly, it wasn’t the best decision considering he was already pretty buzzed from the drinks earlier. But he still downed half the bottle he was holding. He was currently on the wooden rocking chairs located in the backyard of the house. There were few people that, like him, probably wanted to leave the loudness — in every sense of the way — of the party. The wind was hitting his face and the music of the party was just background noises. Still, even though the calm was resting, it kept him from trying to avoid disturbing thoughts. Soobin related thoughts. 

He took a swig at his bottle to drown the memory. It was his first time drinking and he felt like he was good at it. He didn’t do anything stupid yet. Although he knew that it wouldn’t do him any favors in the morning. It was really irresponsible what he was doing right now and there was no way that Taehyung wouldn’t get suspicious. He groaned at the thought of Taehyung catching him. It would be such a mess. 

After fifteen minutes he decided to look for Hyunjin again. But before he could enter in the house again a guy came running towards him, making him stop in his quest.

“Oh my god hyung, where were you?” The guy said. He didn’t know who it was, really. Everything was a blur, he couldn’t focus to recognize anyone. He was too drunk. 

“Who are you?” He blurted out. It seemed like a valid question to ask but the person seemed chocked by it, if the way his expression fell was anything to go by — it seemed like a boy but it could also be a short haired girl. Who was he to judge someone.

“Hy-hyung it’s me. Hyunjin.” The person said. Yeonjun frowned to focus his gaze and see if it was indeed Hyunjin. After some time his eyes drifted from the boy’s face to look at his hair. He had nice hair. He needed to say it. 

“You have nice hair.” He smiled. The compliment didn’t seem make Hyunjin happy  — was it really Hyunjin? He had to find out. Maybe later though— 

After his remark Hyunjin Question Mark (Yeonjun decided to call him that for obvious reasons) huffed and took his arm. 

“Come on, hyung we’re going home.” He said decisively. But Yeonjun didn’t want to go yet. He didn’t have time to have fun. He only got disappointment out of this party. No ‘college experience’. That couldn’t do.

Hyunjin dragged him through the house, and Yeonjun let him do it while he bumped into the people that they were crossing. It was funny. Hyunjin didn’t find it funny though as he was apologizing to the people, throwing warning glances at Yeonjun. Yeonjun couldn’t say why though. But it was funny too.

What was even funnier was the people sat in a circle in the small room they had just cross. When he heard the words ‘Truth or dare’ he stopped letting himself being dragged. Hyunjin asked him what was going on. He seemed to have understood that Yeonjun wanted to participate at the game because his frown deepened while he said a sharp “No fucking way, hyung.”

Yeonjun pouted to negotiate. That was a good strategy. “Please Hyunjinnie, I want to play.” He whined. It’ll work for sure. 

He got interrupted in his plea when some blond guy with a deep voice called at Hyunjin Question Mark’s name. Well, the guy called him just Hyunjin. So that mystery was solved. He didn’t get dragged by a stranger. That was good. 

“Hey, Hyunjin are you coming to play?” Deep Voice said. 

“No, sorry Felix. Hyung is drun—“

“Yeah, we’re playing. Make room fellas.” Yeonjun couldn’t let this opportunity pass. 

Some people in the circle cheered and Yeonjun cheered with them because, why not. 

After some time and convincing full of pouts, Hyunjin agreed to stay, “just fifteen minutes then we’re out” he said. The bottle at the center of the circle spinned several time then. Hyunjin was way more relax after Hyunjin had dared Felix to make out with him for a whole minute. All went loose from this moment. When Hyunjin actively participated dares got more spicy. Two guys had gave a girl some hickeys after one of the dare. Some other guy with a triangle shaped head dared Hyunjin and Felix to do a lap dance for him. They both agreed easily, to Yeonjun’s surprise. It ended up being a mess and way more funny that intended after few minutes of them trying to act sexy but failing miserably. They finished their little show in a mess of limbs and giggles. 

They were cute Yeonjun thought. Almost as cute as Soo—

No.

He couldn’t think about him now. He was having a great time.

He shook his head to remove the memories of earlier. And said loudly. “Okay, it’s my turn now. Hyunjin give me a dare.” Hyunjin was already back in his spot, huddled close with the two other guys from earlier. He looked up and immediately looked at Yeonjun mischievously. 

“Okay, hyung” he snickered, “I dare YOU to make out with someone in this circle for two minutes. And you’ll be doing this while sitting on their lap.” And how cliché was Hyunjin for choosing this dare. Yeonjun cleared his throat and peered around the circle. 

Obviously he couldn’t recognize anyone. So he had to pick someone randomly. After taking a breif look at the people he crawled toward some red-headed guy. Yeonjun liked his golden skin. The more he approach the guy, the more his eyes grew and the blush on his cheeks deepened. 

After he was only inches from Golden Skin (He was getting good at this nickname thing) he straddled the guy’s thighs and put his arms around his neck.

“Hi, I’m Yeonjun.” He greeted cheerfully. “Sorry I didnt even asked if it was okay to sit on your lap.” He added. 

Consent is sexy.

The boy looked very awkward but still had some kind of flame in his eyes, similar to his hair color. Yeonjun stroked his nape to reassure him, still, because it worked with Beomgyu sometimes.

The boy looked less tense after the action and answered confident, “It’s okay. I’m Donghyuck.” He smiled, almost cheekily. 

His smile was really pretty Yeonjun had noticed. It wasn’t Soobin’s but it was still okay. The thoughts of Soobin came back. He had to made them stop. If Soobin didn’t want to kiss him, then he would kiss someone else. 

“I’m going to kiss you now.” He said quietly, to what Donghyuck nodded slowly. 

Yeonjun leaned and it wasn’t like with Soobin because Donghyuck was shorter. Even the feeling was different actually. He shooked his head again to wipe away the memories. He was going to kiss this stranger now. His first kiss too. He had hoped that his first kiss would be with someone he really likes at least, but you can’t have everything you want in life, he guessed. Plus, Donghyuck seemed nice enough. 

Only few inches separated their lips when he finally heard a throat clearing. 

He leaned back to chase the person away but when he looked at them he saw orange hair. It wasn’t Donghyuck’s hair though. It was someone else’s and Yeonjun couldn’t seem to remember who it was. 

“Yeonjun, let’s go.” The man — he seemed older — said dryly. 

The soft voice reminded him of something. Of someone. Of—

“Jimin hyung?” Yeonjun asked (more like slurred) unsure. 

“I said let’s go Yeonjun. Does your brother even know you’re here?” And Yes it was indeed his brother’s crush. 

Oh. He was screwed. 

He must have muttered that loudly because Jimin nodded almost nervously.

Yeonjun glanced at Hyunjin behind him and the boy looked at him with round eyes. The boy seemed to recognize Jimin from the few time they briefly met, so he understood how screwed Yeonjun was.

After seconds of silence some random girl said “Are you doing the dare or not?” Yeonjun wanted to strangle her. He clenched his hands in slight anger, to then realize that he still had his hands around Donghyuck as well as he was still perched on his lap. He slowly got up, throwing an apologetic look at Donghyuck that simply smiled at him in response. 

No dimples. 

Who was he kidding.

He didn’t want to kiss Donghyuck. He got rejected by the only person that he wanted to kiss. The person made of dimples and squeaky laughters and unnecessary huge amount of pouts. 

He peered through the room and he thought for a second he saw the same frown on someone that was standing near the door leading to the living room. But he didn’t have time to check because Jimin took his wrist gently.

“He won’t do the dare. Yeonjun, let’s go.” He repeated. And because he was tired Yeonjun did what he was told. He waved one last time at Hyunjin making him signs to tell him to text him. 

When he walked to Jimin’s car he realized that the pout was the same as his memories because it probably belonged to the person he thought about. The same person that had an hurt expression when their eyes met back in the room. 

Yeonjun groaned. 

What did he get himself into.

 

***

 

Jimin was oddly enough really understanding when Yeonjun had begged him not to tell Taehyung about the party. Yeonjun wondered how did Jimin even get to the party when the average age of the guests was 19. Jimin then explained that his own baby cousin (was it Jihoon?) was there and he had went there to check up on him. That’s when he ran into Yeonjun on someone’s lap, when he was supposed to be asleep in his bed. He had easily guessed that Yeonjun had sneaked out to go out, but he also guessed that Taehyung’s reaction was going to be over the top. So he made a deal with Yeonjun. 

They were in front of Yeonjun’s house, the sun hadn’t completely risen yet and the chilly morning wind was still blowing away the falling leaves of the neighborhood’s trees. Yeonjun hadn’t left Jimin’s car. He was still recovering from Jimin’s request.

“So... You’re telling me that you won’t tell my brother about me sneaking out, if I talk to him more about my life from now on?” Yeonjun repeated the question just to be sure. It wasn’t the most shocking thing he’d heard in his life but it was still unexpected and quite paradoxical. 

Jimin nodded, “Yeah... It may sound weird but even before we reconnected a month ago, you were always on the back of his mind. Actually, you and your safety and comfort were — and still is — mostly what he cares about.” Jimin ruffled his hair with a small smile adorning his face. “I know that logically I should tell him you lied to him. But he will just get worried and his rationality won’t be there to make him realize that keeping you from living your life won’t help you open up to him.” He sighed, “and that’s all he wants.” 

Yeonjun had no idea that his brother thought those things. He considered them close enough. But it was true that he had created invisible walls between them with time. Maybe it was due to the overprotectiveness, maybe Yeonjun felt like it was easier to block Taehyung from his own worries because otherwise his brother would turn them into something that was bigger than it needed to be. And maybe in the process of blocking him, he stopped being honest and stopped considering him like a sibling he could trust and more like a parent that kept him from freedom. 

Jimin seemed to have understood that and he threw a knowing look at Yeonjun. “I know you love your brother, but along the way, and because of your accidents” Yeonjun’s head snapped towards Jimin’s face in surprise, and the latter seemed to have read his distress, ”Yes, I know about them, I was dating your brother at the time. We can talk about that later.” Yeonjun nodded with a gobsmacked expression. He didn’t even know that Jimin and Taehyung used to date. “As I was saying, with your accidents I know that deep down he worries more and more about your relationship. You guys strayed from each other, he can feel it, and he doesn’t know how to act with you anymore. That’s why I’m telling you this Yeonjunnie.” Jimin looked at him intensely. “He wants it to happen naturally but according to what he told me, this strain in your relationship lasted way too long. It’s eating him up, when I think it could be resolved easily, just if you communicated way more.”

It took some time to process those informations, he was still a little drunk from the party. Jimin must have sense it as he sighed.

“You must be tired from your night so you should get going. But please think about it. Me keeping this from him could put me in a lot of trouble, but I want you guys to be okay.” The older said quietly. When Yeonjun looked at Jimin, he saw the love he had for his brother and frankly, he couldn’t understand how never had seen it before. Especially when Jimin looked at Yeonjun like he knew him so well. This thought was emphasized when Jimin slowly approached him to squish his cheeks in a fond way. And for some reason, Yeonjun let him do it.

“Your brother also kept things from you so I’m not blaming you for your confusion. But after all those years of hearing about how wonderful you are, I know you can do the right thing Yeonjunnie.” He smiled before gently letting go of the younger’s cheeks. “Now go, he’s going to wake up early, to work on his assignments.” Jimin shooed him away from his car and Yeonjun obeyed. He took his stuff and got out of the car. As he closed the car door quietly he looked one more time at Jimin. The older still sported a fond look at Yeonjun semi-lost and semi-tired expression and answered it by raising his fist in the air while mouthing the word “Hwaiting”.

Yeonjun gave him one last grateful look before walking toward his bedroom window to climb in. 

As he heard the car driving away he was already in his bedroom taking off all of the accessories and clothes quietly. 

He looked at his reflection in the bathroom‘s mirror, only seeing the familiar silver mess of hair, plushy lips and earrings being taken off one by one. He looked like a mess.

All he could do was sigh at how the night had went. All he could do is wonder if things would get better. 

 

***

 

It took some time but things were a little better. 

Taehyung never found out that Yeonjun had sneaked out. Jimin had texted him on the sunday after the party to remind him of their deal, just he case he had forgotten because of how intoxicated he was. As promised, Yeonjun made some efforts to open up more even though it did take some time to adjust because of how Taehyung overreacted at some things. 

They were currently in the kitchen, the Thursday after the party weekend. Taehyung hadn’t questioned how Yeonjun had slept until 1PM the Sunday, nor did he mentioned the headache that his baby brother had the rest of the day. He just saw Yeonjun looking sick and had went into Mama bear mode. 

Now it was few days after and all of it was forgotten because — naturally — the weird symptoms due to Yeonjun’s hidden hangover had disappeared. 

They were making hotteok in the kitchen. Yeonjun hadn’t talk to Soobin since the night of the party. He hadn’t done any effort to recognize him on the campus, so for all he knew he might have ran by him without knowing. Talking about the party to Beomgyu had resulted him into a long rant on how boys could be so stupid and inconsiderate — Yeonjun included — before calming down and telling his best friend to talk about it with Soobin to clear the air. Of course, logically it was the right thing to do, but Yeonjun was not about that life. The logic choice life. No, Yeonjun was about that immaturely sulking until the problem fixed itself life. 

 

 

He liked that life as much as he hated it. He was currently sulking about the decisions he made but it maybe wasn’t the right place or time to do it because he quickly spilled some mix on his shirt while being his daze.

Taehyung hissed at the mess Yeonjun made, “Yeonjunnie, focus! Look at what you did.” He moved quickly to clean the spilled mix on the counter, then clean his brother’s shirt because he hadn’t moved to do so, still in his daze. 

He guided Yeonjun towards the sink to help him to deal with the stain. He glanced at his baby brother and che still had that crestfallen look on. Yeonjun hadn’t said anything specific yet, just mentioned ‘people problems’ when Taehyung had asked what was up with him for the third time the day before. 

Taehyung still didn’t know what ‘people problem’ meant. 

“Okay, Junnie you have to tell me what’s going on right now. Clearly something happened. You’re acting like a bum more than usual.” He said the last words in a teasing way to relax his brother that looked tense from the previous interrogations, quickly snapping out of his daze. 

“Hmm, I’m fine hyung. Nothing is happening.” He stuttered while shivering because of the cold droplet of water splashing on him while they cleaned his shirt. 

Taehyung rolled his eyes, “You can fool yourself but not me. Just please tell me. Don’t you trust me?” Taehyung muttered the last part, eyes avoiding his brother’s.

Yeonjun suddenly was reminded about what Jimin had mentioned. That was an example, spot on, of how his brother wished to know more about his life. 

He had to make some efforts. 

“Okay, I’ll tell you.” Yeonjun sighed. Taehyung looked up with a big smile at the prospect and Yeonjun chuckled at how cute his hyung could be sometimes. “Basically on my first day in college I met a guy. Several times, actually. I just didn’t know about it, for obvious reasons.” Taehyung nodded to tell him to keep going, “And yeah, we hit it off pretty well. Especially because he was the one who found me and called the police, and you when I got assaulted.” 

Taehyung’s eyes widened at the new informations, his mouth opening and closing at the loss of words. He busied himself by proceeding to take care of recipes. 

“I didn’t know that you kept contact with him. I mean, I wondered who it was that saved you, but I was just so focused on you that I forgot about him.” His brother said while looking at the batter falling on the pan to bake the hotteok. “Plus, you never told me about him. So, what? Are you guys friends now?” 

Yeonjun flushed just by the thought pf the state of his and Soobin’s relationship — friendship? He didn’t even know if it still had a name, or a label. 

“Well,” He cleared his throat when his brother looked at him strangely because of the long silence, “Well, I don’t know what we are... I have a crush on him? I think?” 

 

A silence.

 

Yeonjun dared raising his gaze to look at his brother. He found a frozen Taehyung, big round eyes twitching. 

“You’re — I’m... Yeonjun I didn’t know you were...” His brother stuttered. His face was beet red like he was flustered. He just kept on looking at Yeonjun like he had grown a second head. 

Yeonjun had mixed feelings about his brother’s reaction. Granted, they never talked about this together — oddly enough — so Yeonjun could understand that it was a surprising news that Yeonjun was able to develop a crush on another human being. Especially because he’s still a baby to his brother’s eyes. But Taehyung looked like he just confessed murder.

“That I was what? Able to have feelings?” He joked to ease up the heavy mood that reigned it the kitchen.

“No.” Taehyung recovered from his daze in haste. “That you weren’t... straight.” 

Oh.

“Oh. Yeah... I mean, it was pretty obvious, don’t you think?” They never really talked about sexuality either, but Yeonjun never considered it necessary. Mostly because Taehyung came out as gay when he was thirteen and everyone was so supportive of him. After that he understood that whatever he felt for people wouldn’t be a problem. To his family, at least. Taehyung’s shock was pretty surprising.

“I mean, yeah we never really talked about it, so I kind of get your surprise.” He agreed, “I’m pansexual, hyung.” He announced.

By then Taehyung was sat in defeat on their couch, the hotteok completely forgotten. He just laid dramatically, all sagged like he was tired out by the news, and Yeonjun didn’t really understand why he needed to be so extra about it.

“Hyung, it’s not a big deal to you, right? I mean I didn’t have sex yet if that’s what youre wondering, never even kissed someo—“

“I’m going to stop you right here, Junnie. Let’s wait a little before you tell me what you’ve done or didn’t. You’re you and I love you no matter what, and who you are, but I’m still your brother, so please stop.” Taehyung sighed, he tensed less after Yeonjun joined him on the couch, gently taking his hand in reassurance. “Just tell me what happened with that boy.” Taehyung winced out.

Yeonjun then explained everything from their meeting to their little fight, without mentioning the party (He said they were really tired from late night studying, thus them not being in a state of full consciousness, and left out him almost kissing that stranger during the truth or dare. Taehyung mostly bought it but not without a skeptic look.)

 

“So... You guys almost kissed but you believed he looked like he regretted it when you were interrupted. So you just ran away...?” Taehyung summed up. 

Yeonjun winced at how ridiculous it sounded but argued, “I mean you should have seen him Hyung, he just looked so embarrassed of the situation. Then he started rambling about it being a mistake, I just couldn’t take it.” He pouted. Taehyung gave him an understanding look and reached to his head to press him close to his chest, letting Yeonjun rest his head on it. He ran his fingers through his baby brother’s hair like he used to when Yeonjun was younger and got scared of the thunder. 

“Listen sweetie, I think you should be more understanding of his point of view— and before you say anything hear me out.” He cut his brother before the younger started whining. “Picture this, you guys are practically high on sleep deprivation, he just confessed a heavy aspect of his life, something he is insecure about. And then when you guys were going to k-ki—kiss.” He stuttered the word while shivering at the mere thought of it. Yeonjun chuckled at his brother’s antics.

“When you were going to kiss, someone ruined the mood. Then, he probably realized what that action was going to imply. He probably thought of the fact that he wasn’t completely in his right mind. That you weren’t in your right mind. So he stuttered the first excuse he found to justify his action, that both of you might have regretted— not because of anything else than the circumstances you were in.” He finished in haste.

 

Well.

 

Sometimes Yeonjun forgot how clever his brother was on this kind of stuff. He had a point. Maybe Yeonjun had overreacted a little bit and drew conclusions hastily. He said those exact word to his brother after minutes of silence.

“I think you were overwhelmed by the possible rejection and you acted without thinking, honey. I also think you guys should talk it out because, If i understood well, he is going to feel bad about it and it will strain your relationship in the future.” He added with a small smile. Yeonjun blinked when he again realized that his hyung was right. He had to do something about it, quickly. He visibly relaxed because of the foreseeable future being brighter. He hoped that Soobin would forgive him. The mere thought of him made Yeonjun blush and a small smile drew itself on his face. Taehyung gave him a teasing look like he was reading his mind. Yeonjun whined to the action shyly, before the older chuckled lightly, looking also visibly happier of Yeonjun’s confession. At this moment, Yeonjun could see the effect of a mere confession about his life on his brother. He could be a lot sometimes (most of the time) but there wasn’t anyone that Yeonjun loved more, and he knew the feeling was mirrored. 

“You’re feeling better, now Junnie?” Taehyung asked softly.

Yeonjun nodded and hugged his brother tightly.

“Thank you, I love you Taehyung hyung” He muttered in his brother’s hoodie. Taehyung held him back even tighter if it was possible and said it back while kissing his baby brother’s head. 

Yeonjun had to settle things with Soobin quickly because he did miss the younger. 

 

But for now he was going to cuddle is overbearing although adorably understanding brother. And it was just perfect by him. 


	4. Run away with me precious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello....  
> Literally I have no excuse. Ive been working because school then i had the flu for three weeks, then— (it sounds like excuses doenst it)  
> So yeah— enjoy that if you still can :((  
> I love you guys so much

It took two weeks. Two weeks before Yeonjun caught Soobin and finally  to talked to him. Although Yeonjun was a little mad when he did because Soobin quite literally ghosted him physically.

It was already pretty complicated to catch him because of his condition. Yeonjun had to be focused all the time while he was walking through campus, because otherwise they would never have a chance to talk. Apparently Soobin was somehow convinced that Yeonjun was mad at him and was going scold him or something like that. Because he clearly avoided him. 

At first, Yeonjun only had some suspicions when he thought he saw a tall dimpled person whose face fell when their gaze crossed in one of the toilets of the building of the class they shared, and this same tall dimpled, pouting boy quite literally scurried away with a squeak right after that. Then, he was pretty sure when he was walking on campus and someone shouted a “Soobin” very discernible. Five seconds later a tall figure zoomed passed Yeonjun, letting their earphones fall in the process. Of course, they stopped in their run to pick it up. But they did it so swiftly that Yeonjun barely had the time to say a word. 

After another incident of the type, Yeonjun had had it. He missed the younger and he couldn’t help but think that this time apart was time wasted. Although, It did help him put things into perspective. No matter what Soobin meant by saying that them almost kissing was “a mistake”, Yeonjun didn’t care. He wanted their relationship to advance to something new. And after some pep talk coming from Beomgyu (“CHOI YEONJUN. GO GET YOUR MAN OR I’LL DRAG YOUR ASS TO HIM MYSELF.”) he decided to man up and do the mature, rational thing.   
Trapping Soobin into a situation so that he can’t possibly escape.   
Yeah. That sounded like the only plausible solution. 

The problem was that he couldn’t recognize Soobin for obvious reasons, so trapping him — and actually being sure that it was him — could be a hard task. 

Enter Hwang Hyunjin.

“You want me to what?” 

They were currently at a cafe not far from Hyunjin’s job because he had to get to his shift soon. Yeonjun was just seeping his cinnamon hot cocoa loudly, eyes avoiding Hyunjin’s incredulous stare. 

“Okay, first of all, why you always need to make things so dramatic?” Yeonjun sighed. “I’m not asking much of you.”

“Oh excuse me sir,” Hyunjin scoffed,” I didn’t know that luring your puppy of a crush into the University’s bathroom and lock him in it just so that you can trap him into loving you again was a normal thing to do. Sure. I did it just last week actually.” He humored.

“Oh really? Was it for boyfriend number one or number two, huh?” Yeonjun teased his younger friend, to what the latter blushed while sputtering. 

“Shut up you don’t even know what you’re talking about.” 

“I’ve seen enough at the party, and trust me there’s not enough bleach in the world to keep me from seeing that traumatizing event.” He shuddered. Hyunjin tried to hit him but Yeonjun ducked before his fist reached his shoulder. The younger huffed. 

“Whatever, what’s the plan exactly?”

Yeonjun explained it carefully, not leaving a single detail out. When he finished he could see the mixed expression that Hyunjin carried. Both confused and amused. When it seemed like he was about to protest once again, Yeonjun immediately cut him with a pouty “Please Hyunjinnie.”   
After few seconds the younger sighed in resignation and Yeonjun knew he had won. 

The operation was on.

——

The operation was going to fail miserably.

It had been an hour that Yeonjun was hiding in the music building’s handicap bathroom stall and he was starting to not notice the disgusting smell of unflushed, clogged toilets because of how long he had waited in there. Hyunjin last text had been twenty minutes ago and it was a cryptic ‘nit yert boo u gottq wait’. 

To say that Yeonjun was a little fed up was an euphemism. 

Just when he was about to send an ‘abort’ to Hyunjin his phone buzzed. He quickly checked the message he just received. 

 

From: Hyunjinnie  
He just entered the building  
Get ready

 

Finally.

Yeonjun hoped that the plan was gonna succeed. Technically it wasn’t that complicated and Hyunjin was not unreliable per say, but a little unpredictable because of his dramatic tendencies. Basically the operation was going like this: 

1\. Hyunjin stays close to the music buildings door to keep  an eye out — fortunately it was quite close to the bathroom where Yeonjun was hiding. 

2\. Then Soobin arrives, Hyunjin sends a first text to Yeonjun to warn him and then goes to Soobin. 

3\. Hyunjin creates a lie that would get Soobin to the toilet. And lead him to the last largest stall (where Yeonjun was waiting to lock Soobin in with him).

4\. Forcing him to talk about their feelings.

One could understand why Hyunjin was skeptical about it. Because even if Step 1, 2 and 3 went smoothly (which he highly doubted), step 4 wasn’t going to go easy peasy either. Yeonjun had just dismissed him at the time. 

Soobin entered calmly in the building. Hyunjin had been fidgety ever since he took his position to watch the entrance. When Soobin walked near one of the hall, Hyunjin stopped him by ‘running into him accidentally’ bearing a wild look. 

“Oh, Soobin! Jesus, I’m so happy you’re here. I need your help, dude.” He explained frantically. He pulled Soobin’s arm and in haste and disbelief Soobin let himself getting dragged.

“What’s wrong Hyunjin? Where are we going?” Soobin spluttered as Hyunjin walked them to the bathroom.

“Soobin, listen to me right now. I am going to ask you something that I wouldn’t ask from a lot of people. And it is going to sound weird okay? It is going to sound weird and crazy and a little out of place, a maybealittlegaybut—“ 

“Maybe a little what?!” Soobin stopped letting himself being dragged, but they were already in front of the bathroom. Hyunjin fidgeted again. Soobin was already spluttering because of the last jumble of words that Hyunjin muttered. The younger sighed. He couldn’t believe what he was going to say.

“Soobin, stop talking and listen.” Soobin forcibly closed his mouth because of the harshness of Hyunjin’s command. “I hurt myself like two hours while i was practicing because of the fabric of my new training pants Soobin. Okay? So now I have some kind of rash. I don’t know man, maybe I have an allergic reaction to my new fabric softener. Do you know the brand ‘StayFresh’, Soobin? ‘It make Softness Stay’ they said in the commercial. Well, that’s bullshit, dude. It hurts. A lot.” Hyunjin breathed out.

Soobin blinked, still staring at Hyunjin in mortification from his previous statement.  
“Okay. I’m really sorry for you, but what do you want from me Hyunjin?” He asked in fright.   
“Well the weird rash is on the back my thighs and I need someone to check it out for me right now dude.” Soobin gaped at him. “Before you ask, no I can’t ask anyone else, I’ve been practicing for hours and I just need to know what it looks like so I can text it to my mother’s friend who’s a doctor.” Hyunjin spilled.

There was a lot of holes in his excuse. Frankly It wasn’t all that believable, to Hyunjin himself. But it was crazy enough so that he could drag Soobin inside the bathroom without him actually noticing. Yeonjun also had told him that Soobin was such a good soul that he wouldn’t say no directly to any of his requests. 

“Hum— I-I— Hyunjin... This is quite the request. We’re not even that close to each other. No offense.” He muttered frantically, checking the stalls to see if anyone was here. Hyunjin glanced at the last handicap — so biggest— stall. Normally Yeonjun was there, probably trying not to laugh. 

“I know dude, but imagine if that rash reaches more sensible areas? Huh? I can’t let that happen. Help me out please,” he whined. Soobin’s whole face lost his colors and it took everything for Hyunjin not to snicker at his expression. 

“Huh, I really don’t know if I can do that. I think I would have a small issue doing that for my own brother, so...” Soobin rambled flustered. Hyunjin had had enough by then. He didn’t need this kind of drama. He loved it but not to that extent. Plus, now Soobin would probably think he’s some kind of exhibitionist.

Enough was enough. 

He  huffed and simply pushed Soobin to the farthest stall. Of course, Soobin resisted.  
“Hyunjin, I don’t want to see your rash!”

“Just— Shut up and go to that stall!” Hyunjin hissed. He used his strength to push the boy inside the stall and huffed in relief when Yeonjun smiled at him through the sliver of the door before shutting it forcefully and locking it fast. Soobin groaned at the impact of his back against the bathroom stall’s walls. Hyunjin huffed. 

His job was done.

Before exiting the toilet he let out a “You owe me big time hyung.” And all he heard back was a squeal followed by a “Yeonjun?”

Hyunjin was getting too old for this stuff. 

 

Well, Yeonjun was satisfied anyways, the result was the same. Soobin was there and couldn’t run away from him anymore. He looked panicked. Yeonjun could almost not see those familiar dimples that would make him so discernible from others. Those little gaps on each of his cheeks that made him forget that he couldn’t actually see or recognize his face. Not because dimples were a unique feature, but because it was on a unique person, if it made sense.   
He had missed it.

As Soobin was about to get up to try to escape, Yeonjun stuck his back against the door and threw him a pointed look.

“Soobin. Stop running away from me.” He hissed. The younger looked nervous and Yeonjun could see his hands tightening and at the sight of the sweat starting glistening, Yeonjun calmed down and sighed. 

He wasn’t going to be the cause of Soobin’s stress. 

“Listen Soobin. Soobinie.” He whined. The taller was still on the floor, back against a wall, and red splotches adorned his face because of the nickname Yeonjun called him. 

“I’m sorry if this caught you off guard but I just wanted to apologize, okay? I am sorry. Sorry that I ran away from you that night.  Sorry that I didn’t talk to you about it afterwards, and kind of tried to kiss someone else on impulse in my drunken state, later after that... I suck.” He concluded, his lips pressed in a thin line. 

“Wh—why are you apologizing hyung? I was the one who almost took advantage of you while I was drunk.” The younger explained, pouting. 

Sometimes Yeonjun forgot how much of a dumb cutie Soobin was.

“Soobin, what are you even saying? We were both drunk, so if anything, we both took advantage of the situation that night.” He sighed with a small smile. ”You’re too sweet. And a little over the top sometimes.” Soobin blushed at the fond gaze he threw him, “But honestly, why were you avoiding me?”

“Hyung, I did it because I thought you were avoiding me at first. We ran across each other five times. The two first time, I tried to wave at you from afar so that we could actually talk about it. But you ignored me. Really well at that. It was like you couldn’t see me actually. So I figured you needed space or something. So the three other times you actually saw me, I ran away before you could caught up to me. But that’s just me panicking really.”

 

Oh.

Oh, shit. 

Yeonjun hadn’t even considered the fact that he could have ran by him before. As it is a reflex for Yeonjun to act like he can see faces just fine, he had completely missed Soobin.

Every time it happened, he felt a little powerless in those times. Once again he was réméré how difficult that his condition made things for him and he that he couldn’t possibly dodge its consequences. It was so infuriating.

Maybe his upset state was showing on his face because Soobin quickly got up from the dirty floor and rushed by Yeonjun’s side.

“Hyung, it’s okay. We’re both at fault I guess. We both could have handle this more maturely. Please don’t look so sad.” He reassured Yeonjun while softly resting his hand on his shoulder. The older naturally leaned towards the warmth, and looked at Soobin’s sparkling eyes. 

Yeonjun found him beautiful, despite not knowing what he actually looked like. It wasn’t only the cute features he had. It was him as a whole. Somehow, Yeonjun had found a genuinely caring and adorable friend (and maybe more) in Soobin. And at this moment, the extent of his inner beauty could be seen through the little shimmers adorning his eyes. 

Oh, Yeonjun was falling. 

“I’m more upset than anything sad to be honest. Upset because you said that us almost kissing was a mistake when I know for a fact that I would have done it sober.” Yeonjun declared boldly. 

Screw being shy. Like Beomgyu said, he was going to go get his man. 

Soobin was clearly affected by Yeonjun’s surge of confidence because his whole face was getting redder by the second. 

“Hum— I, I... Yeah actually, me too.” He said finally. Yeonjun could now feel his own face warming. “I only said what I said because... I don’t know. I wanted to give you a chance to go back on your action, even though I know that we both leaned. I didn’t want you to regret it afterwards.” He explained shyly. 

Yeonjun stopped himself from gushing. 

 

He gently took the younger’s hand. It was moist and Soobin tried to pull away but Yeonjun just held it tighter before interlocking their fingers.

“Go on a date with me, Soobin.”

Soobin blinked. They stared longingly in each other’s eyes and suddenly Yeonjun almost couldn’t see Soobin’s because his eye smile came back full force.

“I would love to, hyung.”

 

To: Hyunjinnie  
Plan succeded

From: Hyunjin   
I deserve a raise

 

——

 

Everything got better after that. They got out of the bathroom holding hands and even if Soobin was still reluctant to do it, a simple look towards Yeonjun’s blinding smile was enough for him to settle for it. Eventually they had to let it go because Soobin was actually going somewhere in the building before Hyunjin trapped him — he physically shuddered at the thought, which made Yeonjun doubled in laughters. Yeonjun had to study too so they left each other after some lingering stares and shy waves.

Yeonjun was happy. 

Taehyung had been thrilled at the news of the two boys making up. Although he was still cautious because he was first and foremost his overprotective-self after all. He had asked more updates on them pretty insistingly and somehow it didn’t bother Yeonjun to answer him. Jimin’s arrival in Taehyung’s life was such a relief. He grounded his older brother and pushed him to be more rational and possibly even sweeter than he already was.

Beomgyu also had been thrilled to know about Soobin and Yeonjun’s reconciliation. Well, Yeonjun assumed Beomgyu was happy when he called him a dumbass in form of congratulations. But that was Beomgyu for you.

Now it was two weeks after and Yeonjun was getting ready for their date. Soobin had constantly texted him about it and how we was planning it and it was going to be great and exciting (‘hopefully’ he always added). 

Yeonjun could only trust him. 

Yeonjun himself had a little suprise of his own. After some thinking he decided to dye his hair. Call him weird but that little episode with Soobin did something to him. The fact that his condition almost costed him his relationship with Soobin — if he hadn’t stepped up himself— simply irked him. When he got home after them making up he was happy but still a little shook for it had been the first time in a long time that his condition had really bothered him — if that’s a word for it. When he looked at his reflection in his bathroom’s mirror, he felt powerless once again. His roots were showing and his silver hair were still there, almost fried and somehow that’s all he could see. He watched himself and saw a stranger.   
It just irked him. 

So after some thought he decided that if couldn’t change the fact he couldn’t see faces, not even his own, he was going to ‘amper up’ the thing he actually could control. Beomgyu thought it was a good idea, although he still carried a sad expression through the small screen while nodding at Yeonjun’s decision. Yeonjun just sighed and it was enough for Beomgyu to go back to his cheerful I’m-not-letting-you-get-sad-Best-friend mode. Yeonjun couldn’t be more grateful for that. 

So here he was in front of his long mirror, styling his freshly dyed metallic blue hair with Taehyung on his bed carrying a proud smile. His older brother had also decided that he was going to do some changes to support his baby brother. Thus he had dyed his own hair vibrant red, and it looked good, that even Yeonjun could admit.

“I don’t know what to wear hyung.” Yeonjun whined while throwing away his blue sweater on the ‘No way’ pile, right next to the ‘Meh, we’ll see..:’ plie. “Soobin said It was going to be a casual date. But it’s still my first one, so I want to impress him a little you know.”

“I know,” Taehyung cooed as he got up from the bed to help him find an outfit.” Are you going to wear makeup?” 

“I mean yeah maybe a little. Just so I can enhance some stuff on my face. You know...” he mumbled almost embarrassed.

Taehyung chuckled, “No need to justify yourself hon, I’ll do your makeup if you want.” Yeonjun face lighted up at the idea. “Now let’s find you some clothes.”

He still had an hour before heading out to the location of their date. Some cafe that Yeonjun had never heard of. He still wanted to be aware of his surroundings, evaluating the amount of people there will be and maybe try to remember some features of the waiters and waitresses there. 

He had the jitters, to say the least. 

“Honey I can feel you shaking from here, don’t be nervous, okay? Here sit down I’ll pick something for you. Everything is going to go great, babe.” All the pet names tamed Yeonjun’s nerves a little, Taehyung knew that really well. 

After ten minutes Taehyung opted for a simple white shirt and skinny jeans, the key point of the outfit being the fashionable leather jacket with suede on the collar and cuffs. 

(“The jacket makes the outfit. Do not take the jacket off Junnie.” Taehyung demanded.   
“But hyung—“  
“No.”)

He completed the outfit with fingerless gloves to give him an ‘egdy look’ —apparently. Taehyung then followed Yeonjun to the bathroom so that he can do his makeup in front the mirror. He settled himself on a chair they brought from the hairdresser in Yeonjun’s room.   
Taehyung took care of his younger brother’s makeup while the other remained silent. Yeonjun kept on watching his reflexion in the mirror, and unconsciously started moving his face in different angles, as if he could catch a glimpse of his face other than the mere superficial features he forced himself to notice. 

“Stop moving, Junnie,” Taehyung groaned, “I’m going to miss the liner.” 

Yeonjun huffed in resignation. At the sight of his unintentional pout Taehyung started to bite his lips feeling the distress of his brother.

“What’s really wrong, babe?” He settled the makeup brush down to focus fully on his baby brother.

“I dont know,” he hesitated a moment to find his words “Lately, my prosopagnosia has been on my mind again. Pun non intended.”

“Not that I didn’t think about it before. I mean it’s permanently there, I kind of got used to it, obviously.” He huffed, “No, the real issue is that, I was always around people that knew about it and now I’m meeting new people and I just... I don’t know. It’s difficult, you know.”  
“Yeah, it must be... “ Taehyung had a calculating look as he picked the brush back. “...But what’s difficult exactly?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that hiding it is complicated, but it’s the fact that I feel the need to hide it that bums me out.” He mumbled.

The older hummed, “Orange or pink?” held the eyeshadow palette for Yeonjun to choose.  
“Pink. And I want shimmers please.” He said in a pout. 

“Okay, baby,” he chuckled while dipping the brush in the eyeshadow powder. “Also, tou already know what I’m going say about this.” He said proceeding to do his brother’s makeup.  
Yeonjun frowned, “I have my reasons why I didn’t tell them the truth hyung.”

“And that is?”

“I... I just like to feel... normal I guess. Not like a freak, or a coward”

Taehyung stopped abruptly to apply the makeup. “Choi Yeonjun! You are none of those things.”

“...But I’m not normal either.”

“Don’t put word in my mouth.” He hit his brother with the end of the brush, the other whined, his natural pout residing permanently now. “Fuck being normal anyways, babe. Do you know how boring it is, to be normal? No, you, my cinnabun,  are spe-”

“Please don’t call me the S word, hyung. I hate it. And honestly let’s call it as it is, I am disabled. I can’t see faces and can’t recognize shit, I can’t be normal, I’ll never be and there’s barely any bright side to it.” he hissed at his brother, startling Taehyung.

A tense silence tightened the room, Yeonjun’s heavy breathing being the only thing that could be heard. Taehyung tried to hold the other’s look in the mirror’s reflection but Yeonjun’s eyes were glued to his own face.

“Okay...” Taehyung sighed, “I’m sorry baby. Hey, look at me.” He gently took the younger by the chin, forcing him to meet Taehyung’s eyes. Yeonjun’s own expression looked overwhelmed. Angry and a little saddened by the turn that their conversation took. He tried to avoid Taehyung’s gaze again but even he could see the frown that his older brother had on. Eventually he sighed and saw his brother’s eyes holding an intensity.

“You may be frustrated. You may feel powerless. But I forbid you to even think for a second that you are a coward, nor a freak. You have a disability that is a true pain in the ass, and your prosopagnosia is the only reason why you’re lying! You and I both know that on any other circumstances you would have told them the truth. But you’re not ready, and it‘s okay.” 

“So, I was wrong okay? You are allowed to take your time. But know this,” He paused to take the brush again while Yeonjun’s gaze was still on him. “The longer you wait before telling them the more it will hurt for them, but also for you, because let’s face it, you will be beating yourself over it. Especially if you’re moving forward in your relationship with Soobin.” He finished the last touch with some highlight on the tip of Yeonjun’s nose. 

Yeonjun pressed his mouth in a thin line, which the older chastised him for because it would ruin the lipgloss he had applied. 

After the last finishing touch he turned Yeonjun so that he could watch is reflection. A reflex more than anything else. 

“I just want you to think about it. You still have time, anyways. Plus, I know that you are mature enough to know when you’ll have to tell the truth. I raised you well after all.” He smiled at his younger brother that couldn’t help but smile back at him, nerves relishing him a little more. 

“ You know what I see in this reflection baby?” Taehyung asked with a affectionate smile.   
“I literally can’t answer that, hyung.” He chuckled bitterly.

“...I see someone beautiful and so, so strong that is just a little lost. But you know what? You always seem to find your way. Whether it’s by reflecting silently in the garden for few hours or by just by talking it out with Beomgyu, mama or me.” He said with a small smile. He then pushed the younger a little to make him stand up, leading him to his room. “You are so capable Junnie. You deserve so much in life. I would hate for you to stop yourself from living fully, just because of obstacles you’re kind of creating yourself.” He finished wisely. 

Yeonjun had to reflect on what his brother had said. Because after all it was always like that, Yeonjun straight up meditating on life advices thrown at him by his loved ones. 

Yeonjun finally finished to get ready after putting some setting spray for his makeup - just in case. He put on the earrings that Soobin gave him and put on his favorite All Stars Converse.   
He still kissed Taehyung goodbye with a lot of rushed ‘Thank yous’ despite potentially ruining his makeup. 

He was still nervous about the date and a little anxious by his condition, but at least he had a great brother, always for him.

And nothing could change that. 

 

——

 

Yeonjun had arrived twenty minutes earlier at the address that Soobin had cryptically sent him. The place was hole in the wall coffee shop. The interior decoration were all Autumn themed, so the shades of varying brown to orange colored walls were matching perfectly the pumpkin orange comfortable looking couches and armchairs that were spread in the dim lit coffee shop. The place just radiated warmness and it also diffused in Yeonjun’s heart because Soobin had actually listened to him when he rambled about preferring small cosy coffee shops, like back in his hometown, to big ‘corporate chained’ coffee houses. 

He approached the counter to see the pastries exposed and he realized how hungry he was when he saw all the delicious looking treats, especially the American Cinnamon rolls that he loved so much. Soobin had really chose well.

Speaking of Soobin, Yeonjun figured he would be here soon enough so he quickly took a look at the people behind the counter wearing similar orange apron, so that he could distinguish at least the waiters and waitresses there. Fortunately there weren’t a lot of people in the cafe, so he could relax a little bit more. He chose a table in a corner of the cafe opposite to the door, because the couch looked the comfiest. 

He kept his jacket because he felt nice and warm with it and frankly his brother hadn’t lied when he said it made the whole outfit. He put down his stuff and picked his phone up to text Soobin. He was ready to see him now. He was still nervous, but less than before now that he had did his ‘recognition’ work beforehand. 

Just when he was about to text Soobin he received a message. 

 

From: Soobinie  
Don’t look behind you~

 

Yeonjun isn’t one to do what is asked so he turned around to find someone in a crouching position trying to make themselves as small as possible (despite being anything but that), right behind the couch. The prominent dimples were enough of a sign to have an idea of who it was. 

“Hey,” Yeonjun couldn’t help but grin at the pout that Soobin carried.

“I asked you not to turn around, hyung,” he whined childishly, with a hint of playfulness, “Well you’ll have to make it up to me later then,” His eye smile came back fully on and Yeonjun’s heart was alreay doing summersaults. 

“Hmm, I don’t know about making up to you. It depends on what you ask of me.” Yeonjun poses in a thinking face exaggeratedly. Soobin sat next to him, leaving some space between them, to Yeonjun’s grand dismay. 

“I’ll make sure to make it bearable for you. We wouldn’t want his majesty the blue prince to be uncomfortable or anything like that.” Soobin teased. Yeonjun could feel his face growing red, and he hated how much simple words had such a huge effect on him.

“It’s just Blue Prince to you, peasant.” He responded with a scoff. Soobin’s eyes grew to the comeback before bursting into laughters that were in shapes of squeaks. 

Had Yeonjun mentioned how much he loved Soobin’s laugh?

Because he surely does.

“Speaking of blue, do you like my new hair color?” Yeonjun asked almost embarrassed. As that hairdo was based on a decision to change himself a little, he hadn’t really thought about whether it looked okay enough for the date. He wouldn’t want Soobin to dislike it, even if at the end, what matters the most is what he thinks of himself. 

Soobin didn’t answer directly to the question to the point that Yeonjun raised his gaze in worry. Soobin was staring at him with big glazed eyes and a tomato red face. After ten seconds of pure silence and awkward eye contact Yeonjun let out a small “Soobin?”

Suddenly the younger seemed to wakeup from his stupor to splutter some random jumble of words.

“What? No. I mean yeah. Yes. Hmm, yes. It— It looks good. Great even.” The more he was stuttering, the redder he got. And Yeonjun didn’t even try to hide his relief (and fondness).  
“You really like it?” He asked him in mirth.

“You always look gorgeous Yeonjun.” Soobin said with finality, the hint of shyness still present. It was Yeonjun’s turn to blush ridiculously. 

Before he could combust he squeaked a “Shall we order?”

 

They ordered their drinks. Yeonjun doesn’t really drink coffee (he hated the taste actually but Soobin was so offended by the fact he didn’t like it that he chose not to say that out loud) he opted for cinnamon vanilla hot cocoa - that tasted heavenly - and Soobin chose an ice Americano.

“What is wrong with you people? This drink his simply disgusting. Its cold, and bitter.” Yeonjun complained at the sight of  Soobin’s drink. He winced when Soobin seeped at the coffee through his straw. 

“Well this drink is at the image of my soul. That’s why I like it.”

“Soobin, you’re a fluff ball, what are you talking about? If anything we should switch drinks. Because I’m the bitter one in this relationship.”

“Um, excuse me, I’m no fluff ball,” Yeonjun noticed the blush that creeped through Soobin’s cheeks and smiled fondly at him, “I’m actually super edgy.” 

“Sure, Jan. That’s why you’re wearing a baby pink coat right now. I mean come on, you and I, we’re like those cliché fan arts of an Angel and a Devil right now, Soobin.” He pointed out. Actually, Yeonjun loved the outfit that Soobin was wearing. It was a baby pink coat over a white oversized hoodie. He wore blue jeans and white shoes to complete the look. Yeonjun had actually almost took off his coat from how flustered (and kinda hot) he felt when checked - not really subtly- Soobin out. He just looked so soft and, for Gods sake, anyone could appreciate that! 

He sure did. 

Soobin chuckled at Yeonjun’s remark and took out his phone. “Well then it’s almost like a couple outfit then.” He pointed out shamelessly. “Let’s take a picture together...?” He asked then, completely switching his bold demaneour to a shyer request in five seconds.   
Yeonjun felt giddy and flustered at the request.

“Sure, Soobin.” He then proceeded to scoot closer to the younger and shyly rested his chin on his shoulder so that his whole face could fill the screen of Soobin’s phone. He felt Soobin stiffen at the contact, but he relaxed quickly when Yeonjun looked at him with big doe eyes through the camera. From the angle Yeonjun could quite literally see the red splotches forming on Soobin’s neck and from how suddenly warm he himself felt.

They took several selfies together and started progressively to loosen up, even making silly faces at the camera. Yeonjun was having so much fun. 

When they were done and the selfies were already shared, they didn’t scoot back and stayed close to each other. 

They kept chatting for another hour before Soobin checked the time and gasped.

“Oh my god it’s already 9:15?! We have to go, this is only part one of the date!” Yeonjun found it so cute how Soobin frantically spoke because he was quite literally pouting his words. Gathered their finished mugs to throw them away. Soobin then stretched his clammy hand towards Yeonjun to help him get up from the couch. 

He looked nervous from doing so, but he still feigned confidence. It was more than enough for Yeonjun to take it with a big smile.

——

They walked in the now lit up streets, the sun was already going down and the sky was glowing in orange and pink hues, some shy twinkling stars already up. But not even the brightest star could compete with the shimmers in Soobin’s eyes as he talked passionately about music. 

Every time that they eyes met, even for the briefest second, Yeonjun lost himself in them.   
They had walked for fifteen minutes, fingers still interlaced and Yeonjun could feel Soobin’s thumb gently grazing his knuckles, almost absentmindedly as he spoke without interruption.   
“Hyung are you listening to me?” 

“What?! Uh, yes, yes. I also love classical instruments in the background of mainstream music.” He said hastily. Fortunately he wasn’t completely lost in Soobin’s eyes to not listen what he was saying. 

“Yeah, It adds so much to the quality of the songs, in my opinion, and— oh we’re here!” He interrupted himself, Yeonjun forcefully unglued his gaze to watch the place they were heading towards. It was some kind of zoo, but it was already closed. He mentionned it in worry.  
“Don’t worry hyung.” Soobin answered cheekily with a wink. He led them to the parlor at the entrance of the zoo, where the guard — that looked quite young — was on his phone, not doing much guarding.

“Yoongi hyung! Hi!” The young man slowly dragged his look towards them and his stoic face transformed into a gummy smile when he saw Soobin waving at him. 

Yeonjun understood why. Soobin was just that cute. 

“About damn time Soobin-ah, I’ve been waiting for you for like 45 minutes.” Yoongi said leisurely. “Too busy cooing at each other I guess,” he smirked at the now blushing boys.   
“What?! No—no, we. Shut up, hyung...” Soobin defended them poorly. Yoongi just laughed at them. 

“I was teasing you guys. Go ahead, the sun is almost going to set and be careful not to get caught by the other security guard patrolling while you’re going through the park, I’m not risking my job for you to not enjoy your date at least a little.” He smirked a little at them, Soobin nodded hastily and once Yoongi opened the little door leading them inside the zoo through the parlor, they both thanked Yoongi. 

They were now walking in the zoo, the animals were all quiet, almost all entranced by the sun setting, its rays glowing a warm orange on the trees that filled the pens and vast recreations of the animal’s natural habitats. They walked in peaceful, comfortable silence, hands still clasped tightly as Soobin led them deeper into the zoo. Yeonjun kept himself from cooing too loud when they passed by the otters. They were seemingly sleeping on water as they held their paws not to stray from each other. Soobin noticed the soft gaze that Yeonjun was bearing and carefully brought their interlaced hands to softly kiss the back of Yeonjun’s hands.  
   
Yeonjun just squeezed his hand back with a shy smile, almost enamored at this point.   
“We’re here,” Soobin whispered softly after some time. They had approached a huge greenhouse hidden in between the trees. The rays of the sun went through the windows leaving an almost magical array of colors in between the mass of different flowers and plants.  It was breathtaking. 

Yeonjun gasped at the scenery, and Soobin just nodded with a big smile. Yeonjun couldn’t possibly wait to enter so he ended up pulling Soobin deeper in the jungle of beautiful greenery. Every plant almost glistening and twinkling thanks to the sun’s doing. He inhaled at the beautiful flowers that he smelled with care, letting go of Soobin’s hand to preciously cup the flower white rose in his hands. He couldn’t keep his attention on a corner of the vast greenhouse for more than a few seconds, a new colorful flower catching his attention after another. He wandered into the deep greenhouse for few minutes before he turned back to Soobin,  hearing the click of a picture being taken. Soobin was pointing his phone at Yeonjun without him noticing. 

“Surprise,” he said softly. “I remembered how much you missed the garden back at your hometown. Because it calmed you. So, I figured you would like being here.” He said softly and Yeonjun was speechless. He kinda wanted to cry at Soobin’s thoughtfulness. No one had ever done something so sweet just to make him smile, just to make him happy. He didn’t know what to say to express how fond he was of the dimpled boy standing with an awkward smile in front of him. 

Soobin fidgeted at the silence “Also, I’m sorry I couldn’t buy you mint chocolate ice cream because I know you — somehow — like it but maybe sometimes we could—“

He never finished his sentence, because his lips were suddenly busy with Yeonjun’s, pressing carefully against the other. It seemed it took him some time to process what Yeonjun was doing before he realized and pulled away briefly to kiss Yeonjun back fully, his hands automatically cupping the older’s warm cheeks. 

Soobin’s lips were as soft as Yeonjun had imagined, they molded perfectly into his own, as if  they were made to kiss him and he smiled in the kiss at the thought, his arms reaching around Soobin’s neck to run his fingers through his silky hair. Soobin’s hands automatically rounded Yeonjun’s waist to hold him tighter, closed. Yeonjun couldn’t help but smile even into the kiss at the action of the younger, and Soobin smiled back.

His senses were all over the place, almost heighten  as Soobin boldly deepened the kiss by grazing his teeth against the other’s plush lower lip. He could feel Soobin heating up by the second, just as much as he did. After a minute of not being able to physically letting each other go, Yeonjun could barely hold his breath anymore and reluctantly pulled away for air. 

They were both breathless from the kiss they just shared, panting in each other’s mouth, both smiling from what just happened. Yeonjun kept his eyes closed to ground himself, Soobin’s taste still on his lips. When he felt a clamy hand caressing his cheek he fluttered his eyes open to see a blushing Soobin who’s eyes glimmered as if there was an entire galaxy lying in them. 

After seconds intimacy translated through ragged breath and loving stares, Yeonjun regained his train of thoughts,“ This is the cheesiest and most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me...” He mirrored the shy, fond look that Soobin was giving him, and he slowly closed his eyes to steal another kiss. Soobin’s lashes were fanning against Yeonjun’s cheek and the simple contact gave him goosebumps all over his body.

“I’m so glad you like it,” Soobin whispered back when he pulled away. He then drew back a little more, as if he wanted to contemplate Yeonjun’s face and really look at him, which made the older blush more than he already was. 

“You’re completely worth the cheesiness.” He then said, “you’re too beautiful and amazing to not be treated the best.” 

And as Soobin was whispering those words in the air, looking at Yeonjun, a boy he met barely several month ago, a boy that he had told so many secrets to when he couldn’t do the same, like he was the single most precious thing in the world, Yeonjun was melting. 

As they looked at each other in silence, holding each other as if they would have a hard time letting go, the sun was setting slowly , fairy lights automatically lighting up the fantasy like greenery. The scenery was even more pretty if that was beautiful.  
 

As the sun was setting, Yeonjun was also slowly falling deeper and deeper.

——

They spent the rest of the evening cuddling on a makeshift bed from the blanket that Soobin had brought in his backpack, eating the treats he had brought for Yeonjun and goofing around while sharing fond (read: enamored) gazes. Yeonjun was on cloud nine. 

Turns out they were so busy kissing each other and giggling, that they missed the actual sunset. There were some captors that automatically turned on the fairy lights as soon as the sun was shy of disappearing, that Soobin and friend of his had installed during the day. Yeonjun was left speechless by the elaborate plan, but Soobin had still been a little upset of his grand romantic plan failing but he quickly got over it when the other kissed his pout away.  
   
While they were resting against each other looking at the fairy lights that decorated the glass windows showing the small cliff that gave a view on the city, they could see fireflies buzzing all over the greenhouse. They chatted — and laughed — more , both eager to know more about each other. Soobin had told him about his childhood and Yeonjun was just looking at him so softly, picturing an all-cheeks Soobin that was sulking in his room because his siblings didn’t want to play with him. He cooed about how cute it must have been and how cute he still was when he was pouting. Soobin complained more about how unfair the treatment he received as a child was, but this time with a big blush covering his face. 

Yeonjun wanted to be the most truthful with Soobin, even if he wasn’t ready to talk about his condition. Especially with all his self doubt and little surge of anxiety that it caused him. So he still talked about his life as much as he could, but without mentioning his accident. But obviously it was quite the hard task, because it had happened during his teenage years. He tried to be careful as possible but eventually, of course, he had to slip up.

It had started with something trivial really. Simply saying, “Winter is my least favorite season.” To what Soobin had been quite offended — gasping and everything. Yeonjun then chuckled at his antics and simply kissed his cheeks — he was addicted to kissing him, especially when he realized that it was his first (phenomenal) kiss he had shared with Soobin, it made him giddy and he eager for more — and Soobin only responded, “Winter is the best season Junnie hyung, it’s about coldness turned into warmth and cuddling in blankets. Yeah, there can be snow and cold rains but, hear me out.” He paused dramatically, “Two words: Hot cocoa.” Yeonjun glanced at him in mirth at how ridiculously proud Soobin sounded. “Also December is my birthday month, it’s an important month!” He exclaimed. Yeonjun smiled more at his enthusiasm but it faded a little at the reminder of what December meant to him.  
   
It was indeed the cold and the rain he thought about. Winter was about Cold and freezing rain that hit you so hard you couldn’t see anything. Not even someone driving frenetically towards you. It was about hearing your mother sobbing quietly for four years straight every time it was that time of the year, asking quietly to God or Something out here what did she do to have her child suffering like that, just to show a radiating but shaky smile the morning after. It was about having some kind of phantom pain on the scars that didn’t heal properly on his back and right leg. It was about pity looks given by the teachers in school every 5th of December. As if they had jotted the date down in their calendars, a big red ‘Choi Yeonjun’s Pity Party Day’, to treat him like he’s made out of glass. December wasn’t about warmth, because nothing, not even the amazing Christmases he had with his family years after, could overpower the freezing feeling of memories coming back to haunt him for weeks before and after that fatal date. Nothing could possi—

“ Hyungie?”

Yeonjun stiffened. He had almost forgotten that Soobin was next to him. The younger was looking at him with worry in his eyes, if his deep frown was anything to go by. Yeonjun swept a look at him before openly avoiding the younger’s look.

Soobin insisted, “You’re shaking, what’s going on?” And indeed Yeonjun hadn’t even realized but he was shaking like a leaf at the surge of those memories. He cleared his throat and put on the most believable smile he could plaster, but he still wasn’t able to really look at him, fearing tears that would burst out at the simple reminder of the obvious. He couldn’t see him.  
“N-Nothing Soobinie, I was just thinking about some stupid things. Nothing to worry about.” He played it off.

Soobin was still frowning and Yeonjun turned to him completely and gave him an earnest look. “I’m okay honey. Can I call you honey?” He asked with a small smile, quickly changing the subject. 

Soobin blushed and nodded flustered, completely forgetting about the previous matter.   
Cue Yeonjun changing the direction of the conversation, and simply looking at the younger’s eyes to lose himself in them more, while he was rambling. 

It was safer to do so, than to think about unwanted memories. 

 

——

Eventually they had to leave the zoo. Well, more like they got pretty much kicked out by Yoongi. Especially after he found them laying down on the covers, Soobin quite literally attacking Yeonjun with his lips by kissing him all over his face and neck, the older giggling about how it tickled.

Yoongi hadn’t  ‘signed up for this  cheesy shit.’

So he took one of the watering can and poured water on their head — just a little though. They screeched at the action but it was effective. They quickly gathered their stuff, apologizing at their hyung for the scene. Even if they carried red beet faces from getting caught in such a position, their hands were still clasped tight at they left the zoo.   
They were currently walking in the streets so that Soobin could walk Yeonjun home. They knew that he lived 45 minutes away and they walked through a bus station, but it was better this way. They both didn’t want this date to end, as it seemed that they always had so much to say to each other.

“You know I’m starting to doubt you. You’re way too much of a good kisser to not have any experience in this field.” Soobin teased the older. Yeonjun laughed as his neck warmed up at the joke. Soobin had his arm around Yeonjun’s neck and decided to bring him closer. Yeonjun took the opportunity to rest his head in Soobin’s neck. Soobin smelled amazing. Like fresh peppermint and cinnamon but also like freshly cut grass somehow. It was lovely.  
As he couldn’t see faces, he started developing and grant more importance to his other senses, and smell was one of the most important to him. Soobin’s scent was another reason he rather be close to him but apart, it was sickening almost. Yeonjun couldn’t even comprehend how hard he was falling for someone in such a short amount of time, but when he smelled Soobin, he simply understood why. 

Wow, I sound ridiculously whipped, he thought. 

He remembered he had to answer, “Well, believe it or not, you were my first kiss, you doofus.” He laughed, “and congratulations, I’m now happy that I took the cheesy road to ‘wait for someone special’ because it was a great first kiss.” He grinned at Soobin’s almost relieved smile. 

“Thank God, I don’t know what I would have done if you found it horrible, especially for a first kiss.”

“I know what I would’ve done. Run away from you and your atrocious kissing skills. Run away far and never come back.” Yeonjun joked and Soobin scoffed at the words.

“You know what? Let me withdraw my words. Because I just remembered that you adored me? So much? So, even my hypothetical sleazy kisses wouldn’t keep you from adoring my amazing person.” He fluttered his lashes in an exaggerated way, and Yeonjun stared at them a little too intently, being mesmerized by them, ironically proving Soobin’s point . “See, you can’t take your eyes off my face.” 

“... Shut up, you idiot.” he blushed and Soobin simply cooed at him with a satisfied grin. Yeonjun distracted himself by watching the time and his eyes widen when he saw that it was already 10PM. Time really flew by, he was so distracted over the course of the night that he hadn’t realized that they had spent almost four hours together. Not forgetting the fact that within those four hours they had somehow gotten to know each other way more, confessed their feelings and kissed several (amazing) times. He had had his first kiss, something he had fantasies of when he was younger, as he was ever the romantic type. 

“I can’t believe you never kissed anyone before though.” Soobin thought out loud, as if he read Yeonjun’s mind or something, “Not only because you’ve done a great job so far,” Yeonjun looked at him in a mix of amusement, fondness and cringe at his own words, “But also because, objectively, you’re a really cute and kind guy. Like how is it possible that you never had any kind of romantic relationship? Or silly awkward kiss in middle school?” His natural pout emerged as he asked the question into thin air. They were walking slowly in a pretty empty street, lit up by the stores signs and the streetlight, and Yeonjun low chuckled echoed between the buildings.

“I don’t know, to be honest. I just never did. Plus I had Beomgyu and my family, I didn’t need anyone else.” He confessed shyly, “I mean, back in middle school, I knew some girls in my class had crushes on me but I wasn’t interested at the time. Then... things happened and people started changing so, yeah, I stopped trying to even think of having a relationship.” He muttered the last part, feeling suddenly colder at the memories of after his accident. 

“What do you mean by people changed?” Soobin asked distractingly as he was checking the direction to Yeonjun’s house, just to be sure. 

Yeonjun stiffened briefly at the question, even if he he had to expect it. 

What did he meant?

People —his comrades and teachers—  changed alright. If they weren’t walking on eggshells with him, they didn’t really understand, or were straight up bullying him (calling those actions pranks when they weren’t funny nor nice). He went through that in the end of middle school and in high school, and except for Beomgyu and few nice people, there wasn’t anyone he considered dating because he simply wasn’t interested and kind of was disgusted of any non platonic interaction with anyone in his school (and Beomgyu was not even really considered because they knew too many disturbing stuff about each other to see themselves in any other way than in a platonic way).

He didn’t realize that he had started zoning again while overthinking but Soobin had noticed quickly and decided to wake him up from his daze by kissing his cheeks. 

Yeonjun chuckled embarrassingly, as Soobin said slowly, “You dont have to answer my question if you don’t feel like it...” Yeonjun felt relief at the words. He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Although he still felt guilty to omit such a huge part of his life when their relationship was clearly taking a new turn. 

He gulped and said, “Thank you. I-I know that you’ve been nothing but honest with me but school was really tough for me and I—“

“Don’t even worry about it hyungie. I don’t expect you to tell me everything right away. We can build the trust, until we’re fully ready. There’s no rush.” Soobin smiled warmly as he looked at Yeonjun so so fondly to the point Yeonjun’s heart skipped a beat. Damn, Soobin had ways with words. It made Yeonjun feel safer than he had ever felt before. It made him forget every little problem, as soon as their eyes met, even for the briefest second. 

It was so ironically beautiful in a way, because when Yeonjun looked at people, he didn’t see them. That meant that his sense of sight was a constant reminder of his disease. It wasn’t physical pain, except for the panic attack he sometimes had. It wasn’t something that just happened. It was always there. Leering. Lurking. Every single time he looked at someone.   
But one look at Soobin. One look at this face, that had features that weren’t as unique as one would think (dimples weren’t that unique for someone like Yeonjun that scavenged for clues to remember everyone , even if Soobin’s dimples were endearingly deep.), one simple look at Soobin, and Yeonjun would feel so much, without even being able so actually see him. And If it weren’t for that damn sight, that was a summary of everything that was wrong with Yeonjun, he wouldn’t have met and just sense so much, in such a short amount of time. 

Soobin was one of the first people that made Yeonjun not care about his condition, because most of the time it felt like it didn’t matter if he couldn’t recognize  Soobin, because he was so much more than a face. 

Yeonjun didn’t know if his eyes were able to convey all of this but the soft and almost shy gazes they exchanged spoke louder than words. 

By that time, they had stopped right next to what seemed to be a small ice cream parlor, the big windows showing few people in it. But Yeonjun didn’t really pay them any attention. As he turned around to face Soobin, his arms already surrounding Yeonjun’s waist, the older leaned his forehead to press against the other’s. 

“You’re really way too cute for me to handle,” he muttered. In the background he heard the door of the parlor being open  but didn’t looked away from Soobin’s eyes.  
“I’m not even trying. And if anything you’re the cute one in this relationship.” 

“Oh yeah?”, Yeonjun chuckled fondly, “well you—“

 

“Choi Yeonjun?”

Yeonjun startled at the sudden voice, interrupting their moment. He turned around to see two guys looking at him. Well, one of them was clearly looking at him in a big smile and what seemed to be disbelief. The other was a little more behind, more withdrawn but still smiling at him, dimples showing. 

He slowly detached himself from Soobin, whose arms were still around his waist.  
“Hum... Yes?”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe we’re meeting there after all. I didn’t see you since graduation! How are you dude?” The first guy spoke excitedly, in a voice that sounded familiar to him. 

“I- I’m fine, I...” he answered hesitantly. He then quickly tried to scan the first guy to recognize him. His hair were jet black — nothing out of the ordinary to Yeonjun’s dismay— he had earrings, his nose was pretty big and his big cheekbones just stood out so much.   
Oh crap. He couldn’t remember for the life of him. 

He was starting to panic a little and the longer he was staying in silence, the more the excited smile on the guy’s face was fading. The uncomfortable air could be felt. 

“Are you okay..?” The guy asked in concern, “You seemed— OH. Oh my god. How could I forget... It’s Wooyoung, Yeonjun!” Yeonjun’s eyes widen at the name. Of course! How could he forget Jung Wooyoung. Suddenly all of the features added up in his mind and yes, it was definitely his old high school friend. 

“Wooyoung! Oh wow dude, how are you?” He answered almost excitedly. Wooyoung was one of the few people in his class that didn’t treat him any differently after his accident, because he was simply that much of a nice guy. Oftentimes Yeonjun would sit next to him in class because he was so cool and chill. Somehow Wooyoung didn’t care about the stares of other students when he sat next to Yeonjun and even called them out on it. He also was really fond of Yeonjun because he was the only other guy in their class that was attracted to guys, and Wooyoung just loved to lay over all of his boys problem frequently. Overall, he was an overly excited puppy about everything, to the point it was contagious, and Yeonjun sometimes really needed that. They left high school and promised to keep in touch and although they both knew that it maybe wouldn’t be the case, they still had good feeling about each other. 

Wooyoung quickly reciprocated his smile back, “I’m great! I’m in college, living my best student life —on a budget of course— and it’s amazing. School is still a bitch though, nothing changed. Like you wouldn’t believe the—“ a throat cleared. It was from the guy with dirty blond hair next to Wooyoung that threw him pointed looks with a fond smile. Only then Yeonjun noticed that they were holding hands.

“Babe, I’m so sorry, I— Yeonjun, this is my boyfriend, Choi San.” He introduced the other guy with the most loving smile that Yeonjun had ever seen on Wooyoung. 

The other guy waved shyly and started moving his hands in practiced and successive ways. And oh, it quickly downed on 

“He’s saying hi to you guys, and that it’s nice to finally meet you Yeonjun.” Wooyoung was still looking at him as if he was the most precious thing in the universe. He then turns back to Yeonjun, “Oh, he said also that he had heard so much about you. It’s true that I mentioned you a few times.” Yeonjun chuckled silently as he stared at Wooyoung that was introducing himself to Soobin. It was so ironic that Wooyoung, the loudest boy Yeonjun had ever met, ended up dating someone mute (or deaf, but he seemed to hear Wooyoung’s rambling just fine as he rolled his eyes in a fond way). Although, It shouldn’t be surprising that it was an option for Wooyoung as he had mentioned that cousin was deaf so he knew Korean sign language. 

Wooyoung zeroed on Soobin’s arm surrounding Yeonjun’s waist “Yeonjun... You have a boyfriend and you didn’t told me... I can’t believe that! It seems like just yesterday that you were as you said it ‘forever alone’.” Wooyoung teased him, without catching a breath. To the point that San held his arms gently, physically calming Wooyoung down immediately. 

Yeonjun blushed at his old high school friend’s assumption, but Soobin quickly responded, “We’re not boyfriends... yet. We’re in our first date actually.” 

Yeonjun squirmed as he could feel Soobin’s stare on him. Wooyoung just gasped dramatically and then proceed to scream in excitement, surprising everyone by the piercing shrill. Even San was startled by the sound, but just smiled at his boyfriend calmly right after, because Wooyoung was still holding his hand while doing so. 

“Shut up! You guys are on a first date! Woaw your guys, that is exciting!” Wooyoung smiled. “See, Yeonjun? I told you you would find someone!” He said with a cheeky smile, he then turned to Soobin, “This guy was so sure that he would never date, because of what happened.” Yeonjun smile faded quickly at Wooyoung’s words. 

Shit.

He gulped as the friend kept going “And I always said, dude, it’s what’s on inside that matters!“ Yeonjun paled, and quickly threw a glance at Soobin to see a confused face. 

Shit.

“What?” Soobin asked cluelessly.

“Yeah, all I kept repeating was ‘You seeing Faces doesn’t ma—“ and without thinking Yeonjun raised both his hands at Wooyoung’s mouth to keep him from saying another word with a pointed almost crazy-like look. 

Time froze.

Wooyoung was looking at Yeonjun in clear shock just like everyone else did. Yeonjun himself was in shock. 

What the hell did I just do?

He quickly withdrew his hands and suddenly he could feel the weirdness of his action more than ever. Wooyoung was still dazed over the sudden action and San was staring at Yeonjun with what seemed to be suspicious frown that he purposefully avoided.

“Uh... What was that?” Soobin asked awkwardly, and Yeonjun glanced at his expression mirroring the others’.

Yeonjun cleared his throat, “Hum... I— I am so sorry I...” he couldn’t find his words. He really just had physically shut his ex-classmate off, just to keep his secret from Soobin.   
“Wooyoung, I’m sorry...” he tried, “It’s just that you can’t...” he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Not in front of Soobin. Not now. 

He felt panic take over him and he started shaking a little. 

Wooyoung looked at Yeonjun with concern, “I... Yeonjun what are you—“ suddenly a hand gently touched Wooyoung’s cheeks and his attention focused on his own boyfriend. He quickly signed few things, Yeonjun couldn’t understand them, but it seemed to have been enough for Wooyoung, as some sort of realization hit him. Wooyoung then quickly glanced at Yeonjun’s panicked expression then at Soobin’s clueless’ then he pressed his lips in a think line, eyes softened as they fell on Yeonjun again.

“Hum, I... It’s me who should apologize. I didn’t know that... Yeah” Wooyoung said as if he was a little upset. Yeonjun wondered if San really told him what was going on, but one glance at his small understanding smile told enough for him to feel a little bit of relief. 

Yeonjun looked at Soobin to meet his confused expression. “Is everything okay?” He asked and Yeonjun couldn’t even answer him, because it would be another lie.

Wooyoung answered instead, his big smile coming back right away, but not as genuine, “Yes, I’m so sorry. I was about to spill some juicy secrets probably shouldn’t be heard on the first date.” Yeonjun internally sighed in relief at the white lie. It seemed to not be really believable to Soobin, but enough was enough.

“Um yeah Wooyoungie, not yet,” he chuckled awkwardly, still feeling the remaining of the panic even if it slowly sipped away. Soobin smiled at Yeonjun bur he still had a small frown on, probably still confused over what had happened. Yeonjun took his hands startling him.

“Well, Wooyoung, San, it was great to see you guys, but Soobin has to take me home...” Both of the guys were still looking at him with pity in their eyes, even if they had smile on to not alarm Soobin probably. He huffed, and looked at Soobin that was already staring at him with a little frown. He was suddenly so tired.

“It was great seeing you again, Yeonjun, we really need to catch up.” Wooyoung said pointedly, teeth gritting through his smile that didn’t reach his eyes. San just smacked him slowly on the arm then took it a little bit firmly to drag Wooyoung away, also carrying a smile.   
They waved at each other as the couple went in the opposite direction but Wooyoung still mouthed a “Text me asap” while Soobin had his back turned. 

Yeonjun just sighed and dared looking at Soobin. “Shall we head back?” Soobin was still looking at him with a puzzled expression, and who could blame him really.

They walked in silence for two long minutes, Soobin’s arm was still around Yeonjun’s waist and that lifted a little bit of the weight on Yeonjun’s shoulders.

Finally Soobin blurted out, “I know I jusy said that we had time, but I just have to ask. What the hell was that about?” Yeonjun winced at the words. 

“We—well you heard Wooyoung. It’s some secrets that I’m not willing to talk about yet.” He trailed, Soobin still held a skeptical look.

“Hyung, what kind of secret has you physically jump someone to keep their mouth shut?! It was so weird.” He pouted. Yeonjun felt even guiltier because here he was trying to convince this puppy whem he deserved the truth.

Not now.

“It’s not something I’m proud about... Could we just drop it?” He asked quietly.

“Well, I wish I could drop it, but it kind of concerns your dating life, which I’m kind of part of. So—“

“Soobin! You literally said twenty minutes ago that you wouldn’t force me. So, just, please just drop it!” Yeonjun raised his voice in frustration and maybe because he was getting nervous. He immediately winced at the shock in Soobin’s face. He had never raised his voice at him like that before. He sighed and muttered an apology. Soobin remained silent. 

“Listen Soobin, you’re like, this amazing person and I just love hanging out with you. But what I like the most about you is your patience. So right now I just need you to stay patient and forget about this atrociously awkward incident.” He pouted. His expression must have been pitiful enough because Soobin’s frown softened relatively. He then stopped and brought Yeonjun closer again.

Yeonjun’s eyes were already closed when he felt Soobin’s lips against his own, then against the corner of his lips and on his forehead.

After some time, he muttered an “Okay...” Yeonjun quickly kisses his cheek back with a small smile, “I just don’t like seeing you all nervous and shaking, it freaks me out so much.” He whined. Yeonjun kissed his pout away and hummed until he could feel Soobin smile again. 

“Don’t worry too much about me, okay? You have such a calming presence, you know. Like, yes I can lose myself in my thoughts, but I don’t think that anyone can bring me back from them as fast as you do.” Soobin beamed at the cheesy words, “Just keep being yourself, that’s all you can do to help me”.

Soobin nodded and kisses his cheek again. Oh, how Yeonjun adored his kisses.

They eventually let go of each other, even if they could have kept going because no one walking in the streets they were in. They walked in silence, small talks occasionally filling them, but even if the matter had settled, and that the silence was comfortable, Yeonjun still felt some unease from what had happened. 

Some twenty minutes later, they were in front of Yeonjun’s house. Yeonjun didn’t want to say goodbye, because despite the last minute fiasco, he had an amazing night. It seemed that Soobin thought the same because he was firmly holding on to Yeonjun’s waist like it was his lifeline. 

They were holding each other in silence, as something occurred to Yeonjun. 

“Oh— how could I forget... Soobin?” He looked at him shyly and Soobin’s round eyes stared at him back. Yeonjun onky focused on the galaxy in Soobin’s eyes as he said “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Soobin looked at him in shock, Yeonjun laughed at his gobsmacked expression. “I mean, I know it’s just one date, but I feel like we both want this and—“ he never finished his sentence because his lips were suddenly occupied by Soobin’s, once again. 

Butterflies and fireworks filled him, the giddy feeling never leaving him. He could feel Soobin nodding against him as they kissed, making it really sweet but really weird too. They both felt it as they stopped it prematurely to laugh. They took a minute to stop, until Soobin looked at him with the most gentle look he had ever seen, “Yes. I would love to.” 

Yeonjun pecked his cheek once again, feeling his own warming up, almost similarly to Soobin. 

“Choi Yeonjun, get your ass back in the house, right now.” He heard a deep familiar voice resonate. They quickly pulled away, and Soobin’s hands, for the first time in an hour, left his waist, making Yeonjun almost whine at the loss.

He then glanced at the redhead glaring at them from the doorstep, a smaller orange headed seemingly trying to pull him back inside the house. 

“Taehyung, leave them alone—“

“No. Not my baby, he was—“

“I don’t care, you’re going to embarrass him.”

“And I don’t care about that, it wouldn’t be the first time anyways.” 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and turned back to Soobin, who carried an amused expression, “Well I guess that’s my cue,” he laughed. 

“I think so too,” Soobin laughed back. He still held that giddy look, that practically make Yeonjun melt at the sight. 

“Well, I’ll see you, then.” Soobin said shyly, “‘I’ll text you, okay?” 

Yeonjun just smiled back, “Sure. Good night... honey.” He teased the younger at the blush spreading all over his face and that probably reached further down. 

Yeonjun quickly looked behind him and he could see his brother bickering with Jimin. He took advantage of the moment of inattention to drop a quick kiss on Soobin’s lips, startling his boyfriend (oh my god, boyfriend) once again. He then backed away to walk towards his home with a small smile. Jimin was pushing Taehyung back into the house but all Yeonjun could think about was the shy wave that Soobin threw and dopey smile that he carried. 

When he walked back into the house he didn’t even register his brother’s scolding about how late it was, or Jimin trying to calm him down.

He couldn’t care less actually. 

He just had the most amazing night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading,  
> this will probably have two more parts (that will probably be posted before the end of 2020 eye—)  
> Also you probably noticed the cameos. I love them and all the people i include are my favorite idols (Yeonjun, Taehyung, Hyunjin, SANNNNN, I love you all so much, its not even funny)  
> There will probably be more of them because why not lol  
> Also I’m considering (one day, after i finish this) writing a spinoff to tell the Wooyoung and San story because they are my ultimate ship wow I love their relationship and dynamic so much


	5. Grab my hand, We’re gonna fall right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, she’s back earlier than expected. Is anyone still reading this at this point?  
> Nah? Okay.
> 
> Well, i still lov you guys and the story is almost over (two chapter left)
> 
> Just one thing tho. I messed up the ages. Because Yeonjun is a 99 liner irl and in this story too, and my ff is taking place in 2019 so he should be 21 (korean age) but somehow Beongyu is 18, Taehyun 17 even tho they’re 01 and 02 liners (when they should be 19 and 18 if the story takes place in 2019)  
> I messed up but couldn’t fix it otherwise things wouldn’t be logical in the the story
> 
> Also i realized that Yeonjun was 21 but starting college??? Did not think that through at all, even if I did mention he started a year later.  
> Im so sorry guysss  
> Its not a big deal but I just had to say it now. 
> 
> Anyways love you, please comment and tell me what you think, i love to read your lovely messages ❤️
> 
> Enjoy

 

The day after, Yeonjun was cooked up in his room, lazing in his bed, rethinking all of his life choice. The date had been amazing, and the simple thought of Soobin’s... everything, made him blush silly. He had sighed for the fortieth time at the memory of Soobin’s soft gazes amd cheeks, when he heard his phone buzzing.

 

From : Wooyoung

Wtfffffff was that Jun?!

Also hi

Im texting you bc I know your ass was going to ignore me :)

 

To: Wooyoung

Oh

hi

hello

I forgot u had my number....

How is San? He looks nice :)

 

From: Wooyoung

I know you did...

San is great

Hes amazing and beautiful and great

And dont change the subject Yeonjun!!!

Listen

I didn’t even understand what was happening until San explained

And yeah, im not at your spot so I couldn’t possibly understand your situation

But You know what i think about your insecurities about your condition...

 

To: Wooyoung

Yeah i know

You think its dumb

But you don’t know my relationship with Soobin

 

From: Wooyoung

Dumb is a word for it yeah

I think its stupiddddd

even if I dont know the nature of the relationship you were on a first date, sucking faces and he was looking at you like i look at San soooo

I think things are pretty serious between you two

You should tell him Jun

You cant do what you did at the dance club again

 

 

Yeonjun huffed at the reminder of the dance club incident. In their last year of high school Wooyoung had convinced him to participate to a dance lesson in a small dance club he was in. Even if Yeonjun was skeptical at first, he decided to go, because he loved dancing in his free time. And indeed the first class was great, so great that he decided to go to two other sessions, while Wooyoung and even Beomgyu were encouraging him to do so.

 

One thing he liked so much about those classes was the fact that he didn’t receive any kind of special treatment or looks for his condition. No one except Wooyoung knew about it and he never mentioned it to anyone in their class either. He felt normal and great.

 

(Looking back, it was those moments in which he felt normal and just alive that made him so adamant on saying nothing to Soobin.)

 

Nevertheless, quickly, things went south . At one class, more people came to participate to the dance session and he could barely follow their instructor because he simply couldn’t distinguish him in the big dance practice’s mirror. It was fustrating. Well, that and one of the assholes in his school that had joined the session and had made annoying remarks that made him grit his teeth in anger. He was so angry that he fell while he tried to focus (in vein), almost injuring himself seriously. At the end of that session, he decided to never come back. Most precisely he decided that if he could, he would never tell people about his condition, because although he wasn’t a prideful person, he hated feeling weak and powerless.

 

From: Wooyoung

Yeonjun

Theres a lot of people from our school that are studying in Seoul and you won’t be able to stop all of them from talking about it

Just avoid all of this and own up to it!!!

 

Ah, the infamous Tough Love Wooyoung Style. Yeonjun huffed in anger. Easier said than done.

 

To: Wooyoung

Do you think it’s easy Woo?

Dont you think I wouldn’t love to tell him the truth? Do you think i like lying?

I like Soobin so much you know, its only been a few month but I have never felt such strong things for someone

But Woo

Im sick of being looked at like im terminally ill

Or like im a joke and a laughing matter

I just want to be normal

I dont expect you to understand that

Mr. Social butterfly

 

He tossed his phone in anger. It didn’t buzz for another twenty minutes, and he started to feel guilty for being harsh towards his high school friend.

 

From: unknown

Hi Yeonjun ^^

This is San

(Wooyoung’s boyfriend)

Sorry to bother you but he gave me your number

He said you needed to talk about your feelings immediately?

 

Yeonjun groaned at the messages quietly. He knew that the silence was weird, coming from Wooyoung. Now he involved his boyfriend in this.

 

To: San (Woo)

Uhh hi

Its really nice of you, but dont worry about it San

Everything is alright

 

From: San (Woo)

You sure?

Even if I’m deaf I’m great at listening you know :D

I know We literally met yesterday but from what ive gathered your trouble is something that I could probably relate to

And maybe I could help you somehow?

 

Warmth filled Yeonjun at the words. San seemed so comfortable talking about his own disability. It wasn’t an easy one too. He couldn’t imagine how devastated he would feel to lose his sense of hearing. He would probably feel bitter mostly. Still, San looked so bright the day before and sounded so kind through those text messages. Like it was important that Yeonjun could trust him, even if they just met. Yeonjun watched the time. 10AM. He then looked at the unread messages fron his mother, Beomgyu and Soobin. Some ‘how are you’s, ‘how was it’ and a single ‘good morning boyfriend’. Yeonjun didn’t dare answering back despite the butterflies he felt in his stomach at the sight of the last message. It wasn’t normal that he couldn’t get to answer back to the adorable message. He felt like he didn’t deserve such a sweetheart in his life.

 

He had to fix himself to deserve him. So he unloaded everything on San, trusting him blindly by explaining everything. San never interrupted him in his messages, only sending emojis to show he was still there.

 

Maybe forty minutes later he sighed and flexed his fingers from typing so much on his phone’s small keyboard.

 

From: San (Woo)

Can i tell you what I think?

Honestly?

 

Yeonjun felt dread has he typed ‘sure’

 

From: San

Well first of all, I’m so sorry about your accident,

i was hit by a drunk driver too when i was six and its still gets to me sometimes

You seem (i emphasize on the seem) fine and its amazing that youre so strong-minded that you can still laugh and allow yourself to be happy after all you went through

 

Yeonjun felt tears bunch up at the words. In his opinion he wasn’t strong-minded at all, but despite that, it felt good to hear that.

 

 

From: Sannie

But Yeonjun, i dont know about you, but my accident and what it brought was a pure curse

But also somehow a blessing

A lot of people around me changed so much and at first i hated it

But somehow the people who didn’t change or that changed for the better

\+ Those amazing people that I met because of my accident

They’re all a blessing

They’re all so worth the anguish we had to live through

And I think you know that too

 

 

Yeonjun thought of Beomgyu’s presence. His brother and mother doing everything in their power to make him smile.

 

 

From: Sannie

But thats the thing too Yeonjun

I think that you, trying to avoid and ignore your condition

Something that (whether we like it or not) is part of you, of your identity

It doesnt do you any good

More importantly

That’s, often times, more in the way of your happiness than the condition itself

I know that, that was the case for me

Besides Yeonjun, i know you think you’re doing them a favor by hiding your condition from Soobin and your friends. But know that honestly if they’re good, understanding people, it wont help them

Sadly it could even make things worst...

You know what i mean?

 

 

Yeonjun knew exactly what he meant. He understood it when Soobin looked at him with hurt in his eyes because he wouldn’t tell him the issue the night before. He understood it in the eyes of confusion that Hyunjin held when Yeonjun asked him to find people for him on campus for uni projects, almost as if he was afraid to question Yeonjun’s weird demands but still executed them. He hated lying to them. He did feel less happy to do so, and deep down, he knew that none of his new friends, or Soobin would be jerks about his condition, but the pity looks... he couldn’t handle that again.

 

 

To: Sannie

I understand

But i cant handle more pity San

I dont need to see faces to know that theyll all watch me with pity....

 

From: Sannie

They probably will

But you know what?

It’s okay, because then you can talk to them, and once again, if they’re understanding they will eventually know how to behave around you to make you feel comfortable

Of course its a process

But trust me it feels amazing when you reach that state in a relationship or friendship

But you need to take the first step Yeonjun

As soon as you feel ready of course

I hope i helped :((

 

 

Yeonjun sighed and chuckled a little. He had helped him so much more than he had expected. He felt lighter at the words and thinking of telling the truth didn’t leave a feeling of excruciating tightness in his heart anymore.

 

 

To: Sannie

You helped so much

I dont feel ready yet but...

I do feel better and like i could actually do it one day

And it’s all thanks to you

I couldn’t thank you enough ugh you’re really as great as Wooyoung described you huh

 

From:Sannie

Aww, youre so welcome sweetie :((

And did he say this about me, really? ^^’

Hes such a dork sometimes ugh

And don’t hesitate to come talk to me when you feel down, okay?

Ohhhhh also

I’m part of an association of some kind, that may interest you?

We call it Tomorrow by Together (name in progress its pretty silly)

And basically its an small association in which young people like us that are disabled can meet and we do group activities and have meetings to talk about our feelings and stuff ^^

Its refreshing, you should join us Yeonjun

 

Yeonjun gulped at the idea. He never had the chance to have be in this kind of community back in his hometown. And perhaps he didn’t want to associate with them at the time. But if he wanted to fix his issues and have more confidence in himself, he had to open up to this kind of things. That’s why he agreed to go to their meeting on Friday a week after, to San’s delight. Yeonjun was happy about his decision. He was finally taking actions to move forward.

 

He also had felt so much lighter that he answered everyone back, Soobin included, the younger getting a little worried over his lack of answers, which made Yeonjun coo.

 

He hoped that things will be fine, eventually.

 

———

 

“So you’re going to go to the AA meeting?” Beomgyuasked through the computer screen. Yeonjun huffed a chuckle. It was Wednesday — a week after the date and the message exchange with Wooyoung and San — and he was trying to do his math problems due for the day after, while chatting with Beomgyu who was also ‘doing his homeworks’ (but not really).

 

“For the fifth time it’s not an alcohol anonymous meeting. You’re not even funny Beomie.,” He sighed while the other snickered, “it could really help me open up to people about it... I don’t know, I believe it could do some good.” He muttered.

 

“Hey, I’m teasing you so that you can relax a little. I’m really happy you’re going to this thing, Junnie.” His best friend smiled genuinely. It warmed Yeonjun’s heart. Just a little. Not that he would ever tell Beomgyu.

 

“Yeah, and maybe I can make more friends. I love Hyunjin and his friends but I kind of feel like a fourth wheel now that he’s dating Felix and Changbin— I talked about them, remember?” Beomgyu nodded eagerly at the potential gossips, “Well, yeah I can see that Hyunjin is trying to include me but its difficult when the sexual tension is always there between the three. I swear I learned to just mute their conversation in real life. Everyone is disgustingly cute around me, ugh.” He whined.

 

“How hypocritical of you, Choi Yeonjun. You literally have a boyfriend you fawn over every time we text.”

 

Yeonjun almost choked at the accusation. “Excuse me, what?! YOU are the one annoying the shit out of me to give you unnecessary details everytime I hang out with Soobin. If it wasn’t for you I would barely talk about him, so don’t come at me.” He deadpanned.

 

“And you should feel fucking grateful I’m doing efforts to keep this friendship alive by asking for details. I’m your best friend! I shouldn’t ask for details! They should already be presented on a silver platter. I’m entitled to those details!” At this point they both knew that he didn’t make any sense whatsoever but they secretly loved when it happened. It was their way to say they missed each other.

 

“Shut up brat, you’re not entitled to shit. I shouldn’t have to tell you if Soobin used tongue or not when we kiss. It’s weird.” Yeonjun’s voice cracked at the memory of that awkward discussion. He wasn’t shy per say about this kind of discussion but it was a little cringy when you went into details according to him. Beomgyu, him, loved it though.

 

“It’s not weird! It’s important stuff that best friends should know about each other. I made out with Taehyun yesterday, if I had to choose one word for it, it would be wet. It was wild.” He answered smugly.

 

“Eww. See? I didn’t ask that. I would have been fine not knowing that Beomgyu,” He cringed. Beomgyu’s eyes widened at the double meaning he had missed.

 

“You know that’s not what I meant by wet, Jun.” He said hurriedly. “We were in his uncle’s jacuzzi, literally— It was great by the way. He’s been talking about it for so long saying he wanted to try it out. So we went together this Saturday. Anyways we were just relaxing and then I dont know how, we ended up kissing. But that’s all.” He explained frantically, although he still smiled at the memory.

 

“I didn’t say anything though.” He sighed, “You can do whatever you want with him, anyways.” He said carefully, “Kissing or, you know... like more—“ Beomgyu’s eyes tripled in size once again and he gasped. “Don’t look at me like that! I— What I mean is that— for once you have someone you truly seem to care about and you’re 18 right now and he’s...? How old is he, again?”

 

“17, hyung.” Beomgyu reminded him, with an amused look.

 

“Oops, never mind then. Nope.” He gulped. Beomgyu just giggled at Yeonjun’s disturbed expression. “Stop laughing, I didn’t know he was underage! And how is that even possible? You’re both inSophomore!”

 

“He skipped a class so he’s a year younger than everyone. He’s so smart too. Like he has to tutor me in math AND history. He’s THAT good.” Beomgyu pressed. He started having starry eyes again, Yeonjun sighed. He lost him again.

 

“Anyways. I don’t even know how we’re never able to finish a conversation.” Somehow they always jumped from one subject to another. That’s just what they always did. “We were talking about me going to the first meeting and making friends, and somehow you still brought it back to Taehyun.”

 

“It’s a talent, you know.” Beomgyu looked away in pride and Yeonjun just glanced at him in faint annoyance now.

 

“Once again, I’m glad that I’m not like that about Soobin,” he sighed.

 

“Well, we’ll see about this. Now that he’s your boyfriend,” Beomgyu teased him by stretching the last word, “Soon all you’ll be talking about is him. You’ll see.” he grinned. Yeonjun sneered.

 

“I really don’t think I’ll ever reach your level, though. Besides it’s only been a week and a half since we got together, we still need to see where this relationship is going.”

 

“You’re talking like you’re going to break up with him or something,” Beomgyu chuckled almost nervously. At Yeonjun’s silence he raised his eyes to stare in shock. When Yeonjun avoided his insisting gaze he sighed, finally understanding.

 

“Oh, Yeonjun...”

 

It wasn’t that Yeonjun didn’t like Soobin. On the contrary he liked him so much. It had been a week and a half since they started dating and it had been so amazing. Soobin was such a caring person in general, and he made sure to always take care of Yeonjun in ways that were so thoughtful that it overwhelmed him. They had hung out several time and every time was better than the other.

 

No, Soobin wasn’t the problem.

 

Yeonjun was.

 

He still had this self-destructive thought process. It really enhanced, now that he spent so much time with someone else. Someone that naturally paid attention to everything. While Yeonjun, simply couldn’t.

 

To be honest it wasn’t even a big deal. From an external point of view, at least. It was small things, like Soobin running by Yeonjun in the street near the campus and waving at him but Yeonjun simply kept moving because, of course, he had no proof it was actually Soobin and not just a stranger having similar features to him. Besides it didn’t help that Yeonjun had his earphones on. So, Yeonjun would keep on walking, thus ignoring Soobin and then the younger would stop him, physically. Then came the frantic explanations — read: Lies — as to why he ignored him. He would find a half ass lie. For instance, that he didn’t see him, or that he didn’t pay attention. And it mostly worked.

 

The first time at least.

 

The thing was that this happened five times within a week and a half. Five. Times.

 

And each time Yeonjun could see Soobin getting upset more and more. Thinking that Yeonjun did it maybe on purpose, that he was mad at him for some reasons. Especially the third time when, before that, they had a small fight before this happened— nothing major, really, just a debate that got heated — and Yeonjun had feigned being mad before leaving. He wasn’t really mad, of course. But Soobin didn’t know and when Yeonjun had ‘ignored’ him once again, Soobin really took it the wrong way. Yeonjun tried to explain once again and they made up quickly after some kisses.

 

Still, it was a little exhausting. Simply because, before he had to be aware of his surroundings but, really, not all that much because within those months of studying at SNU he hadn’t met that much people that frequented the same part of the campus he usually was in. Sure, he had partners in projects, but they were mere acquaintances and fortunately weren’t the type to be offended if he didn’t say hi outside of class. Even Hyunjin and his friends were actually pretty cool about that. They all thought that Yeonjun wasn’t the type to pay attention to people around him, except if they were right in front of him. He was fine with that interpretation, it helped him if everyone believed he was just clueless.

 

Except that Soobin didn’t believe that.Because he was his boyfriend, and no matter how clueless one can be, you pay attention when your boyfriend was around, right?

 

Soobin had never said it openly, but Yeonjun knew that he thought this, knew that it was the reason why he was upset about it.

 

All in all, it was quite enervating for the both of them. And more specifically it saddened Yeonjun. Hence the possibility of him ending things with Soobin.

 

Fair enough, he knew that deep down he was all talk. He wouldn’t be able to break up with Soobin even if he really wanted to, which he didn’t. The younger was way too adorable to even picture the disappointment in his face if he were to break up with him.

 

That didn’t rule out the option of Soobin breaking up with him though.

 

Even if Soobin was quite literally a bunny, everyone had to reach a point of anger that could lead them to having enough of a situation. And, implicitly, Yeonjun’s condition could be that turning point.

 

“I’m not going to break up with him, because he’ll be the one that will get sick of me eventually,” he summed up for the nth time to Beomgyu, “I keep ignoring him. And before you tell me otherwise, yes it does matter because he doesn’t know that I don’t do it on purpose.” He pouted.

 

“Junnie,” Beomgyu coaxed him into looking at him. “You know he wouldn’t break up with you because of this. He likes you a lot, anyone that remotely know about the way he is with you could confirm that.”

 

“I honestly don’t think he would end things, and even if he was angry, he would talk it out with you before considering breaking up, I’m sure.” Beomgyu said it so confidently, like he wanted to convince himself. But the older could see the cracks in Beomgyu’s reassuring smile. Himself was unsure of what would be.

 

Yet, out of nowhere, Beomgyu gasped, and slammed his fist on his desk so hard that the noise resonated in Yeonjun’s bedroom, startling him in the process.

 

Beomgyu looked enraged, face growing red, “You know what? No! No, no, we’re not doing this, okay? You reached the age of twenty, so your teens years are over but somehow you’ve never been more of an angsty teenager in your entire life than right now!” Beomgyu spat.

 

Yeonjun spluttered at the accusation, “Don’t look at me with those kicked puppy eyes, Yeonjun! You’re being a weak bitch, and most of all you’re letting your condition win!” He hissed.

 

“But, no! Papa, did not raise no quitter! You’re going to stop letting this situation control your life, because it will always be there, _ALWAYS_! I, so long as I live, will not stand by passively, while you mope over your condition keeping you from being happy!” He looked revolted and a little over the top to be fair, but it did steer something in Yeonjun.

 

“You have to live with the fact you’ll always be in uncomfortable situations like those. And it will suck. It will be a true pain, but are we going to let it dictate your life?!” At this point Beomgyu looked like a madmen, eyes so big they would pop out of their sockets and hair disheveled from the frenetic hands gestures somehow reaching his hair. Yeonjun gulped and inhaled deeply.

 

The madmen was right.

 

“You’re right. I can’t let it affect me forever.” He looked at the earrings that Soobin gave him for his birthday, at the picture he set as a lock screen of the two of them smiling cutely during their first date.

 

He really tended to forget that Soobin was worth it. That if his happiness was Soobin, it was worth chasing it. It was simply hard to remember that with how overwhelmed he got.

 

“It’s just overbearing sometimes...” he muttered, but he still held Beomgyu fierce look, as the younger nodded.

 

“I get it, but you’re stronger than your condition Choi Yeonjun! You’re so much stronger.” He said finally. Yeonjun could only nod, because although the pep talk was well needed he was still unsure about that last statement. He still felt weak emotionally. He knew that it would be a long sinuous way to go before he could firmly believe that his condition didn’t define him.

 

Yeonjun was sure that Beomgyu knew that too, but it still felt good that he had someone to cheer him up and tell him things as it is. He was once again so grateful he had him in his life.

 

“I’m strong Beomie but we both know that I have to get stronger to beat down my... demons? Ugh, I do sound like an angsty teenager, sometimes, uh?” Beomgyu just nodded with a mocking smile.

 

“It’s kind of sad because San gave me the same kind of speech, and I was well for some time but look at me now. I still let it get to me.” He sighed hopelessly.

 

Beomgyu just gave him a small reassuring smile and softly said, “That’s what those meetings will be for, Jun. Hopefully it’ll help you get stronger about this. But you have to take the first step, right? Like yeah, you’ll go to the meetings but you’ll also have to work on yourself to make things better.”

 

Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu fondly. Maybe he wasn’t the smartest person — but that was merely because he hated studying, he still could get excellent grade if he decided to work, but Taehyun was pushing him more, and Yeonjun was glad about that— but Beomgyu was just so emotionally intelligent. It surprised Yeonjun each time.

 

“You’re right.” He beamed at his best friend. The other was already trying to go back to his math problems while Yeonjun zoned out lost in his thoughts. “I love you Beomie. I really do.” He said seriously.

 

“Eww, feelings. Stop.” Beomgyu whined, and Yeonjun kept saying cheesy stuff just to annoy him more.

 

Soon, they went back to their respective work as the clock of FaceTime hit the 3 hours mark. They didn’t plan to hang up any time soon.

 

———

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

Good luck for your practice, babe!

 

 

Yeonjun smiled at the pet name, even if he felt guilty about lying to Soobin about the meeting. He said that he had vocal practice, when normally he had it every Thursday. Soobin knew that but he still didn’t second guessed Yeonjun excuse. He trusted him.

 

Yeonjun felt even guiltier.

 

He shook the thought away quickly.

 

Soon he would be able to tell him.

 

It was currently Friday afternoon, twenty minutes before the meeting and he was already in front of the small building where San had told him to meet him in.

 

He walked inside and the interior was like any lobby of an office. The room was medium size with a desk office where a young woman was talking through the phone. He decided to not bother her and just go straight to the waiting area next to the big desk. He would wait for San here.

 

After texting Soobin back and blush like an idiot (he knew that that’s what he looked like) at the cute messages his boyfriend texted him, he heard the automatic doors open themselves. Someone entered quickly and looked around as if he were looking for someone. The person — a guy — had blong hair parted in the middle, and Yeonjun recognize the white graphic tshirt that San had send him earlier in the day so that Yeonjun could recognize him immediately. Yeonjun got up and waved and San startled before giving him a huge grin, eyes disappearing and dimples on full display. It reminded him of Soobin.

 

(But less cute.)

 

“Hi, how are you?” Yeonjun smiled. San only nodded and muttered a ‘fine’ in a small voice, smiling back.

 

San nodded at the receptionist that smiled back warmly. He then pointed at the hallway on the other side of the desk that led to an elevator. Yeonjun nodded and proceeded to follow him.

 

“It’s been a long time since I didn’t speak out loud so tell me if I’m talking too loud.” He warned Yeonjun softly. Yeonjun just looked at him dumbly before he remembered. It struck Yeonjun that San was deaf, and that he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with him. They didn’t really talk about their respective conditions after that first exchange, and San was so outgoing by text that his deafness was easily forgettable.

 

Yeonjun nodded frantically. He would make sure to pronounce his words carefully because as San said by text, he was able to read lips expertly if people talked at a normal pace.

 

They entered the elevator and San pressed the number 9, before turning towards Yeonjun with the same warm smile.

 

“Did you have trouble coming here?”

 

“No, not at all. I just got worried I would be late, but turns out I got here earlier,” he said sheepishly. San only snickered after a few seconds he took to decipher Yeonjun’s words. People did tell him he tended to speak in ‘pout’. He had to be careful.

 

“Yeah, I saw you got here earlier, but we’re all like that, you’ll see that we’ll probably be the last one here. Everyone is super punctual. Well, except for me, generally.” He laughed in small, high pitched squeaks. It was adorable.

 

Yeonjun gnawed at his lips in nerve. He was a little bit nervous of meeting all those people at once. They were nine, and ten with Yeonjun, San had said, but it’s still was a lot when you had to learn the features of each one of them.

 

San must have noticed his distress. He softly put his hand on Yeonjun’s stiff shoulder, “Don’t worry for a second, it’s gonna go well. Everyone is very welcoming, you’ll see.” Yeonjun could only believe him.

 

They reached the ninth floor, San then took the right and they walked in silence to the end of the hallway. On the closed door was stuck a piece of paper with a bold “TXT” wrote on it. San looked at him before rolling his eyes at the sign. He knocked on the door before letting himself in.

 

Yeonjun entered the room and the scene in front of him was... chaotic.

 

The room in itself was bright. It had big windows that let the sun inside the room leaving a calm aura. But the two boys pushing a third one against said window forcefully with an evil smile while the victim screeched for them to let him go was... less calm. On the other side of the room were a girl in a wheelchair and another one holding a crutch filming a guy dancing to... Twice’s Fancy? Finally at the middle of the room nine chair placed in a circle. On two of those chairs, two guys, one of them wearing sunglasses and holding a long stick he was hitting the other with while a dog barked aggressively at the guy being hit.

 

It was... quite a scene.

 

San just nudged him with an embarrassed smile before clearing his throat.

 

“WE HAVE ARRIVED.” San spoke, in a — surprisingly well controled — loud voice, silencing the chaos.

 

“Guys, this is Yeonjun.” San cleared his throat, Yeonjun just waved awkwardly at the mass of people. “He’s the guy I talked to you about.” He finished with a smile.

 

“Oh god, hi new recruit. You’re cuter than what I had expected, what the hell!” The girl in the wheelchair said with a smirk, advancing towards them. Yeonjun was just standing there with a small even more awkward smile.

 

San just scoffed, “Calm your hormones down, Yerim. He’s taken.” He warned her.

 

The girl — Yerim — sneered at San, “ Shut up San, you don’t even know what I said to him.” She muttered.

 

“I know you enough.” He stuck his tongue out to her and she did it back playfully.

 

“Well, congratulations Yerim, for flirting in point three seconds after the guy’s arrival. It’s a new record.” A red headed guy — One the guy who was holding the shorter one against the window laughed as he simultaneously signed the words he said.

 

That was quite impressive.

 

Soon everyone was taking their seats on the chairs, as they each introduced to Yeonjun. San insisted that they tell at least their name, age, and briefly explain their disability. Yeonjun gulped at the last one.

 

To Yeonjun’s right was Kim Yerim, she was Yeonjun’s age. She explained that she used to be a figure skater but got an injury that paralyzed her from the waist down when she was ten years old. Hence the wheelchair. Yeonjun was already mortified but especially shocked of how laidback she was about all of it.

 

Next to her was her best friend, Mark Lee, a Canadian Korean guy who was also their age. He briefly introduced himself explaining he lost his right arm in an accident he still wasn’t ready to talk about. Everyone nodded in understanding even if they looked like they were expecting it. He had an awkward smile when Yerim looked at him sadly, a smile completely different from the one he had when he was pushing the other guy against the window, before. Yeonjun recognized him because of his mint green hair.

 

Then came the turn of a girl that balanced her single crutch on her right leg. She introduced herself as Hwang Yeji with a bright smile, and almost feline like eyes, that reminded him of someone. He didn’t know who though. She mentioned she was born with a diabetes so severe that she lost her leg really young. She got to wear a prosthetic leg instead so she felt lucky about that. Once again she shrugged at Yeonjun’s sad smile, as if she was completely okay with.

 

Impressive.

 

They went through the tour of the chairs.

 

Na Jaemin, 20 years old, born with a bipolar disorder.

 

(He was the one who danced to Twice earlier, Yeonjun pointed it out jokingly. He knew it was him by the pink hair. Jaemin just smiled and said he explained that he took his meds and that he was okay for now, and that nothing could tame the Once in him.)

 

Song Mingi, 21 years old, he suffered from social anxiety.

 

(He still had a beautiful smile as he introduced himself, eyes completely disappearing. Yeonjun noticed he was signing everything that was said since they have arrived, expressly turning towards San and the other tall, blond guy next to him to translate everything for them fast. They both smiled at him fondly as the spotlight was momentarily on him, even though he did looked a little uncomfortable about it.)

 

Jeong Yunho, 21 years old, mute because of a throat cancer he survived a few years ago.

 

(He looked like a big puppy as he signed his introduction even though Mingi was phrasing it out loud with much less enthusiasm. Mingi still looked at him with a big smile when he was done and patted his leg as if to tell the red head he had done a great job.)

 

Finally the last one, who had stayed calm during the entire round, his cane still folded on his lap.

 

“Hi, my name is Huening Kai, but call me Kai, or Hyuka. I’m 18 years old, and as you guys can see, I’m blind. Pun non-intended.” His serious façade cracked as he chuckled at his own joke. The atmosphere lightened immediately as everyone snickered at his lame joke.

 

“I had a car accident when I was twelve years old and the head trauma made me lose my sight. I now study in a special need school, or as like the call it, the asylum.” He joked again. Yeonjun liked how laidback he was. Actually how laidback they all were. He could never.

 

“Honestly I already said it before but I’m saying it again, things sucked for a while with the blindness thing. But I got my amazing princess Lea, — named after my great sister who can coincidentally be a bitch sometimes — made it all worth it.” He cooed at the big dog that just licked at his hands as Huening Kai petted her affectionately.

 

San just looked at him was an amused smile before clapping his hands. “Now that everyone introduced it’s your turn. Yeonjun?”

 

All eyes were on him. Normally it would stress him a little but he felt weirdly.... Safe with those people. Maybe it was the warm smile they all had. Or the cozy, friendly atmosphere. He didn’t know exactly but he liked it.

 

“Well... My name is Choi Yeonjun, I moved here for college. I’m 21, I’m a music major at SNU, and—-“

 

Gasps already filled the room.

 

“Holy shit, big shot! SNU?”

 

“Oh my brother study there!”

 

“I could never...”

 

“You’re still in highschool, Kai.”

 

“Yeah, that’s why—“

 

“Guys, Mingi can’t sign all of it at the same time, calm down.”

 

San clapped again, “Can we let him finish? Mister Big Shot hasn’t finished his speech.” He teased him. Yeonjun just blushed a little before clearing his throat.

 

“... Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m in college in hear but I’m from Seongnam City. And huh, I have prosopagnosia.” He said finally.

 

“Proso-what?” Yerim asked.

 

“Prosopagnosia.” Yeonjun repeated, although he knew that it was such a rare condition than repeating it wouldn’t really make it clearer.

 

“How do I sign that?” Mingi asked in a quiet voice. He directed his question to San, eyes avoiding Yeonjun. Yeonjun didn’t push him of course.

 

“Hum... It’s a neurological disability. I— I can’t see faces. Like I can’t recognize faces, even though I’ve seen them several times, I am unable to distinguish faces.”

 

He left them some time to process it. It was kind of hard to grasp when you’ve never heard of it before, Yeonjun understood that.

 

After some time, he heard a lone “That’s a real thing?”

 

“Yeji!” San scolded her. “That’s not a nice thing to say!”

 

“San, don’t worry,” Yeonjun chuckled, he then turned to Yeji, “I know it’s quite hard to believe but yeah, it’s a thing. It’s like a super rare condition. One in a million chance actually. But I got... hit by a car,” he winced at the memory, “when I was fifteen and few recovery months later I was this one in a million, I guess.” He said awkwardly. Somehow he made it sound better than what he felt.

 

“Well damn, son.” One of the guy — Jaemin, according to the pink hair — wheezed. “And I thought had it hard.”

 

“Are you kidding? You have it way harder than I do. I— I just live with it, you know?” He spluttered. When he did talk about his condition he tended to minimize things. Beomgyu hated that, and he tried to stop it, but it was difficult. He did had it hard, otherwise he wouldn’t be there.

 

More chaos ensued

 

“Oh, come on! I’ve never heard of that, I’m shook. Like how do you live?”

 

“You can’t recognize anyone? Not even your parents?”

 

“I don’t know how you do it. How do you even make friends, it must be—“

 

“Guys! Don’t overwhelm him,” Yerim hissed.

 

“It’s okay, really. Thank you Yerim.” Yeonjun reassured her.

 

“Hey! How did know it was Yerim?” Mark pointed at him with his good arm.

 

“... She’s the only one in the wheelchair, Mark.” Yeonjun said awkwardly. Yerim hit Mark on the head for his remark. Everyone just snickered again as Mark whined and apologized.

 

“And if you wondered, I’m actually happy you guys have all those special hair colors, because it makes it way easier to distinguish all of you. By the way, they look great.” He joked, and fortunately they all laughed at his painful attempt to lighten the mood.

 

“Thanks, Yeonjun. But mind if I ask, how do you do it on a daily basis? Like, surely not everyone doesn’t care enough about their scalps to dye their hair in a color that you can easily recognize?” Yeji laughed. Once again, she looked so familiar. Maybe he had met her before.

 

“Hum... well, I had to adapt I guess. I use different ways to recognize people. Their voices, if they have special features such as facial hair, moles, special shaped eyes, nose or ears. Or if they have dimples...” He blushed at the teasing look that San gave him. He may had mentioned his obsession with the deep dimples that Soobin had that made him pretty recognizable as so soon as he smiled.

 

Fortunately, people didn’t catch it.

 

“It must be difficult, it means you have to focus all the time, to remember who has what every time someone talks to you.” Yeji gasped. Even Yunho had lost his smile, frowning in worry as Mingi translated what she had said.

 

Yeonjun grimaced, “Yeah, it’s... it’s hard.” He said almost quietly. The mood had considerably dropped after that. So Yeonjun decided to pick it up.

 

“Bu—But it’s okay. I mean you guys have to live everyday with those disabilities. I got off uninjured physically at least, and—“

 

“Uh-uh, none of that, Yeonjun.” Yerim chastised, “Don’t try to minimize your situation. If you’re here with us, it’s because it matters to you, because you matter, and you’re looking for a safe space. Not to hide or deny its gravity.” She said in a motherly tone. Yeonjun just looked away sheepishly.

 

“I need to work on that, yeah...” he said awkwardly. “I’m just afraid, I guess? I... It affected my life badly but it’s not something that can be actually seen or noticed until I mention it or until people get suspicious. I went through... A lot after my accident, and now that I’m in a new city, I... I kind of hid it. From people. Around me.” He said sadly. No one said anything.

 

It made him nervous.

 

“And I guess it would be fine if I hid it from some friends, here and there, but somehow this amazing person decided that I was worth dating. Now it’s November 8th, I’ve known —my two weeks old— boyfriend for three months now, and I still didn’t tell him that I don’t know what he looks like. That if he doesn’t show his dimples or if he doesn’t talk, I wouldn’t be able to know it’s him. And I know it’s only been two weeks, it’s not a big deal. But within those two weeks I’ve ran by him five times on campus without knowing and he thinks I’m ignoring him on purpose because I’m mad or something. But no. Not at all. Actually, I’ve never felt so strongly for someone and the lies are eating me alive, guys...”

 

The silence that followed was almost eerie, everyone looking at him with a distraught look. Yeonjun avoided their sad compassionate, gazes but still. He felt relieved he let it all out to someone else than his best friend.

 

“But, Yeonjun?” Someone asked. He raised his gaze and realized it was Huening Kai that had spoken, his body turned in his general direction.

 

“Yes, Kai?”

 

“Why do you lie?” He asked so simply.

 

That was a good question.

 

“I guess, I... just want to feel normal.” He said finally.

 

Suddenly everyone nodded their head in understanding, some shaking it as if they completely got what he meant. It wasn’t surprising that they did, after all. When you’re somehow different, no matter how much you act like you’re okay, like it doesn’t bother you, ultimately there’s always a point where you wish you could just be like everyone else.

 

“When I had my accident everyone in my school and neighborhood knew about it. I received stares of pity, of compassion too, but it still felt like pity. Some people were pulling pranks on me, were bullying me, were calling me a liar when I explained why I mistook them. I just—,” he sighed in defeat, “wanted to be normal. For once. Just like before that fucking drunk driver hit me with his car.” He muttered a little bitterly.

 

More silence ensued.

 

He had finally let it all out. And he felt so much better.

 

He sighed in relief after few seconds, and he heard few chuckles. San looked at him woth a knowing smile, “You feel better, huh?”

 

Yeonjun laughed back, “Yeah I really do.”

 

San patted his shoulder, “If it’s any consolation, I think we all,” he pointed at his friends around him, “At some point wished we could be normal. But sadly we can’t. But that’s why we have each other,” he smiled warmly.

 

Kai nodded with a smile of his own, “Yeah we’re like a family. We’re here for each other and we make each other feel like we belong.”

 

Suddenly Yunho signed some things with a soft smile, and Yeonjun looked at Mingi for translation.

 

Mingi awkwardly cleared his throat, “He said that you’re part of the family now, and that it can be your safe space too, if you want.”

 

Yeonjun just beamed at the words, eyes hopeful. He looked at the others just to be sure.

 

“Sure”, “Of course”, “Is that even a question?”, “You’re already part of the family, I followed you on Instagram”, “You’re so cute, of fucking course.”

 

“Yerim!”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Yeonjun chuckled warmly. He had confessed all of it’s demons and people didn’t reject him, and actually welcomed him with open arms. It felt good.

(It didn’t mean that everything would be as smooth if he said it to Soobin, though, Yeonjun thought.)

 

“Then it’s settled then. Yeonjun is part of the TXT, now. Welcome to hell.” Kai smirked evilly.

 

“Shut up, maknae!” Yerim hissed before using a calmer tone, “Well, Yeonjun thanks for sharing with us. How about we talk about our respective weeks, now, huh? Nana, you start.”

 

Jaemin proceeded to explain while everyone listened. Well, almost. Mingi signed it for Yunho and San, Mark tried to pet Lea while she was asleep and Yeji chastised him for waking her up in the process. Yerim just sighed while listening to Jaemin.

 

Yeonjun discreetly leaned towards San to mouth him a ‘Thank you so much’.

 

San just squeezed his shoulder with a big smile that Yeonjun gave back.

 

They then focused on Jaemin’s story as he went into full detail so that Yeonjun didn’t get lost. He listened carefully to the member of his newfound family with a fond smile.

 

———

 

The meeting — he found out they called it weekly crackheadery — ended an hour after, most of them having other things to do after it, as it was Friday night.

 

Yeonjun had to meet Soobin at his dorm to hang out, but Soobin had night classes that finished at 9PM, so he still had time.

 

They exited to the building, all of them waving goodbye and ‘throwing see you next week’s here and there. He had hugged San before he ran to the bus station to meet Wooyoung somewhere. He was now left with Huening Kai and Yeji, that had plans to go eat together.

 

“Do you want to tag along?” Yeji asked as she held on to her crutch on one hand and took Kai, interlacing their arms together, on the other one.

 

Yeonjun hesitated for few seconds. He didn’t want to impose.

 

He expressed out loud his thought before Kai scoffed at him, “Don’t be ridiculous! You’re family, now. Let’s go, I want barbecue!” He then dragged Yeji to a random direction.

 

“It’s the other direction, sweetie.”

 

“Then what are we waiting for, uh?” Kai turned around immediately. Yeji just looked at Yeonjun and they both laughed quietly.

 

“I’m blind, but not deaf you guys.”

 

———

 

Being with people who were physically disabled was... different.

 

The stares were incessant and Yeonjun just wondered how they did it on a daily basis.

 

Of course, Kai couldn’t see the stares but Yeji could and apparently they hung out a lot together despite their age difference, because they used to be in the same high school before Yeji graduated. It meant that Yeji had to suffer through the stares of people alone for years now. A twenty minute ride in the subway was already unbearable for Yeonjun. He didn’t know how they did it everyday.

 

Granted, a blind six feet tall boy, next to an handicapped fake legged, crutch holding five feet six girl and their blue haired equally tall friend was quite a show.

 

But couldn’t people be more discreet with those stares?

 

Despite that, Yeji and Kai were perfectly fine, chatting as if everything was perfectly normal. And it probably was for them, given the fact that they had to suffer through that since they were children. Yeonjun didn’t know if he could be as cool with it as they seemed.

 

They were truly brave.

 

After some time, they arrived in a very familiar neighborhood. Yeonjun quickly recognize it, as it was quite close to his university.

 

“Yeji, where are we going?”

 

“Oh, well, to a great barbecue place. But, oh! You must know it. We are quite close to your campus, right?”

 

“Yeah? How do you know that?” Yeonjun enquired.

 

“Her brother works in the barbecue and studies at SNU too.” Kai answered for her. She just nodded in excitement.

 

“Oh... okay, then.” Yeonjun said back. He felt some dread, as they approached the extremely familiar barbecue place.

 

Two minutes later, Yeonjun felt like he was gonna pee his pants.

 

Shit.

 

“Huh, Yeji?”

 

“Yes, Jun Oppa? Can I call you Jun Oppa? I’m gonna call you Jun Oppa.” She smiled at him before entering the restaurant after Kai.

 

“What’s your brother’s name, Yeji?”

 

“Uh?” She hummed as she skimmed through the restaurant as if she was looking for someone.

 

Shit.

 

“Kai, what’s her last name again?” He hissed at Kai who was standing there completely clueless.

 

“Who? Yeji? It’s Hwang—“

 

“Hyunjinnie!”

 

Shit.

 

“What are you doing here, you witch? Lia is not here for you to flirt.” Hyunjin hissed at his — oh, God no — sister, before pulling one of the braids that were in her ponytail.

 

“Stop being an asshole for one second, I want to introduce you to someone. My new friend,” she turned around but Yeonjun could already see the look of recognition in Hyunjin’s face.

 

“Yeonjun hyung?”

 

Everyone froze for a second. Yeji just looked between the two of them, confused. Kai wasn’t moving but his frown showed that he was assessing the situation by listening.

 

“You know my sister?”

 

“You know my brother?” They said simultaneously.

 

“Hey! Stop copying me! We said we wouldn’t do that anymore!” Hyunjin whined at his sister. “We have to stop doing twins things! Otherwise people will always associate each other.”

 

Yeji sneered at her brother, attention focusing on him again, “Shut it, assface! You wish people would associate your ugly ass with mine.”

 

Hyunjin just dismissed her with a scoff before turning back to Yeonjun.

 

“Hyung, I didn’t know you knew my sister. What a small world! We’ve been friends since September and you’ve never mentioned it.” Hyunjin smiled at him softly but Yeonjun was still frozen.

 

“How did you guys meet anyways? Oh, by the way, hey Kai.” He turned back to his sister after he got a small greeting back.

 

“Oh, I met Jun oppa at the meet—“

 

“OH GOD, I’M STARVING. YEJI, YEONJUN HYUNG HOW ABOUT WE GO EAT THAT DAMN MEAT, HUH?” Kai interfered loudly before dragging Yeji expertly far into the restaurant, not bumping into any table until Yeonjun stopped them in an empty booth. He could still see Hyunjin looking at them in shock from where they left him.

 

“I guess, I’ll go get your menus then.” He said loudly so that they could hear it from the other end of the restaurant. He then left.

 

Yeji watched his brother leave before turning towards Kai, holding her crutch tightly.

 

“What the hell was that Hyuka?! I knew you were weird but damn.” She shook her head before she carefully sat on one of the chairs by holding on to the top of the chair so that she could sit herself without putting her prosthetic leg in an awkward position. Yeonjun helped her by putting her crutch away as he sat on the end of the booth. She thanked him with an earnest smile, before turning back to Kai.

 

“Well, I for one, listen to people and remembered that Yeonjun didn’t want his friends to found out about his disability. And not to be dramatic or something, but I think that Hyunjin — one of his friends — is clever enough to know that if you two met at TXT, Yeonjun is somehow disable.” He explained simply.

 

Yeji’s eyes widen at the memory and turned to Yeonjun with apologetic eyes. “I’m so sorry Jun Oppa, I completely forgot. I’ll make sure to not say a word until you’re ready to tell him.” She said in determination.

 

He looked at her guiltyly, “Thank you, so much. I’m so sorry you have to lie to your brother for me, though.”

 

“Don’t even worry about! I lied about worst things.” She shrugged off with a mischievous grin.

 

“Thank you to you, too, Kai for reacting so fast, I was going to piss my pants.” He joked even though his heart still beat pretty hard at the scare.

 

“It’s okay, hyung, I got your back.” He smiled cooly in Yeonjun’s direction. “Now! Meat! Yeji, you know what I like. I’m famished. Do something about it, child!”

 

“You brat! I let you speak to me informally because you’re my best friend, don’t push it. I’m not your maid!” She hissed at him, hitting him on the head.

 

“Guys.”

 

“It was your mistake to agree to that! Suffer, sucker!” Kai stuck his tongue at her and Yeonjun could see her getting redder in irritation by the second.

 

“Guys.”

 

“Be careful Hyuka, I know where you live and you’re blind, I could murder you in your sleep!”

 

“As if I wouldn’t hear your fatass —-“

 

“GUYS!” Yeonjun screeched.

 

“What, Oppa!?” She asked still seething.

 

“What do we say to Hyunjin when he asks where we met?” He asked finally. He really didn’t feel like saying it today, after he unloaded all of his to seven perfect strangers, (trustworthy but strangers nonetheless.)

 

“I’ll find something, don’t worry.” Yeji reassured him. Yeonjun just smiled back at her.

 

Soon Hyunjin came interrupting once again the two youngers’ banters with the menus. He gave two then slide the last one towards Kai that took it with a small but grateful smile.

 

“Have a nice read, Kai. We made the character especially big for you.”

 

“Shut up, Jinnie.” He turned to his waiter friend with the same smile, a blush adorning his face. Hyunjin just pinched his face, with a fond smile. Kai whined, spluttering and his blush reached his ears.

 

“We’ll take the usual, waiter. Oh, Oppa would you like something else? We usually order way more than necessary so that I have leftovers for home.” She explained.

 

“Oh well, I’ll take an extra portion of Samgyeopsal and a coke, please.” Hyunjin scribbled the order and pick the menus back right after. He brushed Kai’s hand accidentally and the younger just stuttered a sorry, to what Hyunjin just patted his hand muttering a no problem.

 

Hyunjin left and immediately Kai sighed, adjusting his sunglasses before putting his face in his hands and shaking it as he groaned.

 

Yeji just patted his shoulder in compassion and Yeonjun did not get what was going.

 

“See? He didn’t even ask again how we met. Problem sol—“

 

“What the hell was that? Why is Kai so red?” Yeonjun asked distraught.

 

Kai just sighed in embarrassment, but Yeji answered, “That, my friend, is years of unrequited crush summed up in one awkward interaction.”

 

Kai just huffed, cheeks still red from the moment earlier. “I was so awkward. Kill me now Yeji.” He whined dramatically.

 

“No can do, sweetie, I need you alive.” She patted Kai’s shoulder softly, Kai just huffed again. “Besides, I really think he’ll never see it. He has boyfriends to take care of. Remember?”

 

“Ugh, how could I forget. The guy scored two boyfriends. Everyone is in couple and I’m single as ever.” Kai whined more.

 

Yeji scoffed, “Are you kidding me? I’m single, too! Everyone in school is head over heel in love with you because of how handsome you are — I’m still waiting for that ‘Thank you’ note for the glasses I picked, that made you look a hundred times cooler, by the way. You just don’t care about your admirers.”

 

“All I care about is your brother and meat. And since your brother is taken... Where the hell is my meat?!” Kai screeched loudly, people in the restaurant staring at their table in annoyance.

 

Yeonjun just chuckled at them fondly.

 

He loved his new friends.

 

———

 

The weekend had ended peacefully. He had met up with Soobin in front of his dorm on the Friday night. This time Soobin had worn the same old sweater he loved, so Yeonjun had no trouble to tell it was him.

 

They spent the weekend together, studying, eating and kissing. Yeonjun still had to go home every night despite the fact that he spent the whole day at Soobin’s dorm, his roommate being away. Taehyung was intransigent about Yeonjun not spending the night. Jimin tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn’t budge. Yeonjun had just accepted it, not wanting to mention what Taehyung thought that Soobin and him would be doing if he spent the night.

 

(It was stupid because they could just do it during the day if they really wanted to? But Taehyung wouldn’t change his mind despite Jimin’s argument.)

 

Midterms were coming, so Yeonjun spent a lot of time in the library, trying to finish assignments in advance and studying materials he struggled to understand.

 

Trying was the right term.

 

He still went to the meetings every Friday afternoon, following the same lies he had told Soobin. He still was clueless about it. Hyunjin too didn’t found out about the way Yeonjun and Yeji had met, because of more lies.

 

He was getting tired of them truthfully.

 

As weeks passed, he met more and more with the TXT crew and he just felt so comfortable with them. They were teaching him so much too, without them even knowing about it. The more he spent time with them, the more he realized he didn’t necessarily needed to feel normal.

 

He was now friends with people who had struggles that they couldn’t hide, even if they wanted to. But they weren’t ashamed of them. It was something they were grappling with but they still stood strong and live the fullest they could despite that.

 

Yerim had pinned out all of the ways and good corners that was easy to access for her, and if it weren’t the case, then everyone would help until she was comfortable. Despite that she always had a smile on.

 

Jaemin still had some episodes when he didn’t take his meds for his bipolar tendencies, because they made him feel like crap sometimes. Everyone just found a moment in their weeks to talk to him, to convince him that it would help him and that they would support him no matter what.

 

And Huening Kai. Amazing, funny Huening Kai that was a real mood maker in their little group. Well, they all took care of him without him knowing. Or maybe he did, but just let them do it. Yeonjun had learned that Kai really didn’t like being treated like he was made out of glass, and somehow everyone else in the world thought he needed help. It annoyed him to no end, he had complained several time. That’s why the group took care of him, but by letting him choose where they were going, walking by his side but not touching him except if there were obstacles on his way. They let him be as independent as he could, even if he still loved to be babied, being the youngest.

 

Yeonjun and him had really hit it off, spending more time together outside of class, studying at Kai’s mansion,(apparently his parents were ‘loaded’, Yeji’s words exactly).

 

They mostly talked about the small similarities in their disabilities. Yeonjun couldn’t see faces, and Kai couldn’t see anything. They both had to count on their other senses to know who they were addressing.

 

The first time Kai pointed it out, Yeonjun had spluttered, claiming that he couldn’t possibly compare their situations. But he came to found out that it grounded Kai. Having someone, who shared, even a little, his struggle made him feel better. So Yeonjun let him do it freely.

 

Everything was getting better for Yeonjun. He had people to talk about his problems. He was getting better at recognizing Soobin (who was loving as ever), Hyunjin and his other friends. Few weeks after that, he had passed his exams and done pretty well.

 

Things were getting better.

 

 

Until it didn’t.

 

He was texting Soobin, lazing out on Kai’s king size bed, the younger listening to an audio book calmly next to the fireplace.

Because his room had a fireplace.

 

(“It’s not my fault you’re poor, hyung. In this household we living lavish and we’re never cold while doing so.”

 

“Shut up, you brat.”)

 

The days had became colder and shorter, and once again Yeonjun shivered at the memories that cold brought back. It was almost the ‘anniversary’ of his accident, fifth if December approaching fast, and he could already feel the mood dampening around him because of it. Beomgyu and Taehyung had this yearly agreement to do everything to make him feel better, and although it was cute, it didn’t change his sour, sad mood.

 

His phone buzzing woke him up from his daydreaming.

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

Babe~

What day are we~??

 

To: Soobunny 🐰

You can look on your own phone~

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

:((

Just play aloooong

 

To: Soobunny 🐰

Okay...

It’s November 28th bunny

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

EXACTLY

Something really important that needs to be celebrated is going to happen next week

 

Dread filled Yeonjun as he looked at the message in confusion. In a week?

 

What the hell?

 

To: Soobunny 🐰

... What?

What is it?

 

From: Soobunny

Hyuuuung

How could you forget

Its the start of December

Special day coming up

 

Yeonjun blanched. He didn’t know what was going on but he was already scared. He couldn’t help but gasp quietly in worry.

 

Kai who was still spread on the fur carpet, listening to his audio book raised his head at the sound. “What’s going on, hyung?”

 

Yeonjun just answered, “Nothing, Hyukah. Just a little misunderstanding with Soobin. I— I’m gonna call him to clear it up. Could you lower the volume of your book please?” He asked, teeth already gnawing his lower lip in anxiety.

 

Kai completely paused his book and Yeonjun saw the frown etching his face.

“Something seems wrong, hyung.”

 

Yeonjun tsked and clicked on Soobin’s contact name.

 

After three rings he heard a clear, “Hello, babe? Why are you calling me?” Simply hearing Soobin’s voice soothed him. But he still had this dread that took his stomach achingly.

 

“Hi, bunny, huh...” He hesitated, and at this point Kai was in a sitting position, fully listening to what was happening, worried frown still present.

 

“Is everything alright, babe?” Soobin said in concern now.

 

“Hum... Soobin. What is happening next week? What is that special day you mentioned?” He simply asked. Kai’s eyebrows raised at the question, knowing it was serious. Yeonjun had expressed lots of concern about his ‘anniversary’ day. That’s why he had insisted they hang out when Soobin was busy with his classes, to distract him from that dreadful day.

 

“Oh! Well,” Yeonjun could hear the smile coming back in his voice, “Next week is my birthday, hyung!”

 

His what?

 

“Your what?” Yeonjun’s voice was trembling.

 

Kai was crawling to the bed expertly, avoiding the plushies on the floor, until he reached Yeonjun’s hand, which was shaking a little.

 

“My birthday, hyung. Fifth of December!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

No.

 

No.

 

Please, no.

 

Kai mouthed a ‘put it on speaker mode’. But after few seconds, Yeonjun didn’t move, Kai knew he was still trembling, even more now. Kai took his phone from his hand and Yeonjun didn’t even struggle. The younger put the speaker mode on after few seconds of looking for it. When it turned on you could hear Soobin, rambling about things.

 

Yeonjun was still shaking.

 

“Soo— Soobin. Your birthday is December fifth?” Yeonjun repeated anxiously.

 

“.....Oh, it’s true we never really talked about it. But, yeah! The most amazing day, December fifth. By the way, I think I want to do a little party to celebrate it. I—“

 

But Yeonjun wasn’t listening. His breathing was getting ragged by the second, tears filling his eyes against his will.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

 

Why?

 

 

Why this day particularly?

 

Yeonjun’s head was pounding, Kai was quietly trying to calm him down even if he couldn’t see what was going on. Yeonjun felt bile rising in his throat, stomach churning angrily, as he tried to catch his breath.

 

“— And I just can’t wait. It’s the happiest day in my life each year! My mother call it the blessing day, but she’s over the top you know that,” the younger chuckled obliviously, “I— Hyung are you still here?”

 

Yeonjun got up, quickly running to the bathroom, and before Kai knew it, the younger heard heaving through the door that was violently slammed.

 

“...Hyung?” Soobin called in a small voice.

 

Kai still in shock simply took the phone as he got on his feet in direction of his bathroom.

 

“Hum, Soobin, hi it’s Kai. Yeonjun had an emergency, but he’ll call you back.” He said in worry as he could still hear dry heaving behind the door.

 

“What? Is he—“

 

“Bye, Soobin.” Kai hung up right after before turning the phone off.

 

He slowly opened the door. The smell of puke attacked his nose, he could also hear sobs coming from the back of the big bathroom.

 

After few seconds he walked expertly towards the noise, until he felt Yeonjun taking his arm so that he could kneel in front of him. He placed himself carefully next to the older, back against the bathtub.

 

Kai stroked his hair calmly as the older kept crying in his shoulder. He could feel how hot and sweaty Yeonjun was through his thin shirt.

 

After some time Yeonjun calmed down, and when he started breathing properly, he raised his head from Kai’s shoulder.

 

“... Are you feeling better?” The younger asked carefully.

 

He heard more silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I have to break up with Soobin, Hyukah.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayooooo  
> FINALLY KAI IS HERE, IM SO SORRY BABY  
> Lots of new characters to feed multistans, here’s the list  
> Red velvet Yerim  
> Nct Mark and Jaemin  
> Ateez Yunho and Mingi  
> Itzy Yeji (and Lia mentionned)  
> Everyone is here, a bitch is happy
> 
> Also, did you think that Yeonjun over reacted?  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated 💕💕


	6. My Heart Grew To See You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, you’re surprised, i updated two times whithin a week, WHAT THE HELL
> 
> But the truth is that I have exams in two weeks and I was desperate to find something to relax so guess what? I wrote 11k in two days :D
> 
> This is the last chapter! 
> 
> After that it’ll be a last one shot and an excuse to write some Yeonbin fluff and Ill probably post it after my exams so I consider the story completed (until I post the slice of life)
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting my loves  
> Your reactions were so funny to me  
> Anyways enjoy

Silence.

 

It was one of the things Huening Kai hated the most in his life. Considering the fact that he had lost the sense of sight when he was quite young, his sense of hearing was one of the most precious things he had. Every sound, melody, and tone was important as it could tell so much. The quiet rumble of a car motor coming to a pause told him that the traffic lights was red, and that he could cross safely. The sound of the leftover falling rain drops still present on the leaves of the tree next to his bedroom window told him that he should be careful when he left his home, otherwise he could slip due to the wet ground.

 

It was quite the same with people. Their way of expressing themselves, the intonations, everything perceptible to the ear, told so much. 

 

And when Yeonjun said those words, in a trembling, watery voice, as if he had already made his decision, the silence that followed was the loudest.

 

“You have to what?”

 

Yeonjun shuffled and sighed, “I have to break up with him.” He said again. It sounded foreign to his own ears. Maybe because for the first time, he actually considered it.

 

“... But why?” Kai simply asked, “Hyung, it doesn’t matter. His birthday date doesn’t matter.” Kai reasoned with a well controlled voice.

 

“Except that it does, Hyuka.” Yeonjun answered firmly.

 

Kai tsked and shook his head, “Hyung, you know it doesn’t—“

 

“Kai! It does!” Yeonjun almost shouted. He was starting to breath abnormally fast again. He panted for few minutes and Kai just rubbed his back in silence, probably to let him think.

 

After some time, “Do you know why it does?” Yeonjun asked deafeningly quietly.

 

Kai stayed silent.

 

“Ever since I met him, he’s been a constant reminder of my insecurities— hear me out, please” he cut himself before Kai interrupted him. “What I mean is that at first I thought that he was like a light, an angel that came to save me, to make me forget about that inner demon that is my prosopagnosia.” He paused to catch his breath. Kai kept on rubbing his back to sooth him. “But actually he’s more like another figment of darkness. He’s just doing it more discreetly than my disease.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“What I mean is that I’ve never felt so bad about my condition than when I’ve been with him, Kai. It’s like he’s always there to show me that I can’t be who I want to be.”

 

“Because _you_  decided to hide it from him, hyung—“

 

“Yes, it was my own mistake, that’s what I thought at first. But I feel like this, the fact that he was born the day that literally destroyed me mentally, the day that haunts me every year. It’s a sign, Hyuka.” He said in a voice that got Kai worried instantly.

 

The younger gulped, “A sign...?”

 

“It’s like the universe is telling me to end things with him. That we’re two opposites.” Yeonjun whispered, almost eerily. Kai was getting worried for him.

 

“Hyung, listen,” he paused to choose his words, “You just had a panic attack, you’re not thinking straight. You should just—“

 

“I’m texting him, right now.” Yeonjun said deliriously, before snatching the phone out of Kai’s hand and running to the other end of the vast bathroom .

 

“Hyung, no!” Kai took a sharp breath and tried to get the phone back, but he couldn’t see where Yeonjun was. He wobbled up on his feet and tried to walk in the direction of the sound of Yeonjun’s heavy breathing.

 

“I have to, Kai. I like him so much but we’re both hurting each other in this relationship. I’m lying to him and he thinks I’m ignoring him, and he’s making me doubt myself each seconds I spend with him. I don’t deserve him, Kai. I have to break up with him.” Yeonjun rambled almost like each second made him lose a little bit more of his sanity.

 

“Hyung, please calm down. Don’t do it!” Kai was walking towards him to what he knew was the sink of his bathroom, but he still could hear the frantic typing on Yeonjun’s phone.

 

When he reached Yeonjun, he felt his hands touch the older’s back. He sneaked his hands until he reached Yeonjun’s arms, hands, then he tried to take the phone away, but the older struggled.

 

“Hyung, stop! You’re going to regret it!” Kai almost screamed as he forcefully tried to snatch the phone away, but Yeonjun had a tight grip.

 

“No, Kai I have to!” Kai pinched Yeonjun on his side, effectively distracting the older enough to press the Off button at the side of the phone. He heard Yeonjun whine. Kai did the most rational thing in his mind at the moment, and pushed the older strongly to the sink, one hand holding Yeonjun’s wrists in a strong hold, and when he heard the clatter of the phone on the floor, he picked it up before turning it off again.

 

“Kai!” The older screeched, “Stop it.” And without thinking Yeonjun pushed Kai roughly, the younger banging his back against the ground in thump. Yeonjun saw Kai yelp in pain, sunglasses falling off his eyes in the fall, revealing tears forming in the younger’s eyes.

 

Suddenly, Yeonjun realized what he had just done.

 

 

 

What was wrong with him?

 

“Oh my god.” He whispered in shock. He then scrambled to the ground to help the younger who was panting in pain.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kai. I’m so, so, so sorry! Are you okay?” He said frantically. He gently help the younger to sit up. He could still see Kai’s tears rolling out of his closed eyes. Yeonjun gasped quietly when he saw the bruise on Kai’s back because of his action. He raised the younger’s shirt carefully, Kai not protesting as he did so.

 

“I’m fine, I— I just need my glasses.” Kai was feeling up the floor to look for his glasses. Yeonjun reached them before he did and put them gently against the younger’s hand. Kai quickly held them andput them on immediately as he sighed in relief. They both knew that Kai hated having his glasses off in front of people.

 

 

They both stayed in silence for a moment, Kai calming his tears down, and Yeonjun getting a wet cold towel to soothe the bruises on Kai’s back.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kai.” Yeonjun said finally.

 

Kai just nodded, lips still pressed into a thin line. “It’s okay.” He said softly.

 

“It’s not. It’s really not. I hurt you.” He muttered in realization, “I was so delusional and crazy that _I_ _hurt_ _you_. I’m so sorry, Hyuka.” Yeonjun whispered. He was on the verge of tears once more.

 

“Hyung, I told you it’s okay.” The younger reassured him. “We all did things like we regret when we are in haze. Help me get up, please.” Yeonjun nodded immediately and put Kai’s arm around his shoulder to support him up. They left the bathroom to go back to the bedroom where Yeonjun carefully helped Kai to sit on bed.

 

Yeonjun sat next to him and sighed in hands.

 

He had hurt a friend, who was trying to help him, in frustration. He really had done that.

 

“I need some help. Like professional help.” Yeonjun said, his voice breaking.

 

Kai just sighed and chuckled.

 

“Yeah, hyung. You do.”

 

———

 

After that crazy episode, Yeonjun slept 18 hours straight.

 

He had helped Kai and they called the younger’s nanny, Haseul —that had medical training apparently— just to make sure he was fine. Yeonjun was relieved to know that the younger had just some bruises and no real injury.

 

He still felt so horrible that he wanted to leave as soon as he made sure that Kai was fine but the younger wouldn’t let him. They had a small fight about it but ultimately Yeonjun felt so bad about what he did that when the younger pouted and asked him to stay the night, he had agreed.

 

Before he fell asleep in Kai’s bed, they talked for an hour, Yeonjun apologizing nth time more and Kai dismissing him, saying that he was okay and that he forgave him. They then talked about mundane, trivial things, avoiding the elephant that was the state of Yeonjun’s relationship.

 

Yeonjun’s phone had been confiscated by Haseul at Kai’s demand and the older didn’t fight it. He just had texted Taehyung to tell him he was spending the night at Kai and purposefully ignored Soobin’s 32 missed messages and 14 missed calls.

 

Then, he slept. And he slept.

 

 

 

When he woke up he felt a little better but overall still like crap. It was friday morning and he had few classes, then the TXT meeting.

 

He wanted to skip all of it.

 

Sadly, Kai still had school and forced him to go, because he didn’t want to older to mope all day. So, Yeonjun went.

 

He borrowed some clothes (the most comfortable ones the younger had) and dragged himself to his lectures, not even paying attention to anything or anyone around him. Even his partners in producing class, Jeno, had asked him if he wanted to talk about what had happened to him quietly. They had gotten closer through the year but never really talked about their lives in details, so that was a surprise for Yeonjun. He really must have looked like a kicked puppy.

 

He finished his class early, and directly headed home, waiting for the TXT meeting that was later in the day. Although he still wasn’t sure if he was going to go or not. He didn’t want to do anything else that mope around anyways.

 

When he shuffled inside his home, took off his shoes at the entrance, he heard some noise - was it giggles? - coming from the kitchen. And a great smell too, if his stomach growling was any indication. He walked lazily to the kitchen to find What he guessed was a giggling Jimin steering food in a pan while Taehyung was back hugging him.

 

“Stop it, Tae, I’m trying to cook.” Jimin complained but he was still giggling.

 

“I can’t stop, you’re too cute.“ Taehyung smiled against the smaller’s neck.

 

Yeonjun cleared his throat. The two men froze at the noise and quickly stared towards Yeonjun before they both pulled apart, blushing and embarrassed.

 

“Oh, hi Junnie.” Jimin said cheerfully, “how are you, sweetie?” He asked in a motherly tone.

 

“How was your sleepover?” Taehyung asked right after, as he peeled carrots. He was fidgeting weirdly. Yeonjun ignored that too.

 

“It was fine.” He answered quietly, walking to the fridge to have something to drink. He picked up the brick of apple juice and drank right out of the bottle.

 

At the curt answer, Jimin and Taehyung looked at each other in worry. Yeonjun just ignored them.

 

“Everything alright, sweetie?” Jimin asked again, feigning being focused on the food cooking in the pan. “You seem down,” He raised his gaze to Yeonjun that sat on one of the chairs against the counter. Taehyung was still fidgety, and when Yeonjun looked at him pointedly, the older looked away immediately.

 

“Oh, nothing, expect I’m a mess, my life is a mess. I almost broke up, and still want to break up with Soobin. I pushed and hurt Kai when he tried to stop me. I didn’t follow anything in my lectures today, thus making me late in my studying, because college is fucked up like that. ” He said way too casually, although you could hear his voice cracking as he went on. But that did shut everyone up in the kitchen real fast.

 

 

“You did what?” said an extremely familiar angry voice from behind him.

 

His eyes widen as he turned around. Dirty blond hair with a bang parted in the middle, a long nose, dangling hoops earrings, a V shaped soft face. The same ugly ‘Y + B = BFF’ sweater Yeonjun wore every Sunday.

 

“Beomie?” Yeonjun gaped.

 

“What the fuck, Junnie.” His best friend scolded him, his familiar satoori showing and Yeonjun felt tears bunching up in his eyes before he knew it. “What did you do?” He approached him.

 

“What are you doing hear?” He muttered in a watery voice. He was still gaping at the younger who was scowling at him.

 

“I came to surprise you for the weekend, to support you for you-know-what. But— No! Whats that I heard, Junnie?!”

 

Yeonjun quite literally jumped on his best friend and held him in a tight embrace. The younger screeched in surprise before hugging the older back. Yeonjun could feel his tears running freely as he rested his forehead against the crook of Beomgyu’s neck.

 

He could feel Beomgyu, whisper a ‘what the hell’ at Jimin and Taehyung behind him but he ignored it.

 

All that mattered was the fact that his best friend was here now.

 

 

———

 

 

“You’re not breaking up with him, you idiot.”

 

Yeonjun whined at Beomgyu’s hiss. They were on Yeonjun’s bed, under the covers, the older cuddling tightly Beomgyu who was petting his hair softly.

 

After his breakdown in the kitchen, Beomgyu thought it was better to talk about it somewhere else. At first Taehyung had insisted that he came too, completely devastated of how sad Yeonjun looked but Beomgyu had pointed out that Yeonjun needed space, maybe. Yeonjun had agreed. So Taehyung reluctantly decided to be helpful by running to the convenience store to buy comfort food for his baby brother. Jimin stayed to finish cooking their meal, but not without preparing some tea for Yeonjun, kissing him so softly on the forehead when the younger thanked him.

 

Now after explaining everything that happened to his best friend, he felt like maybe it wasn’t a good idea to talk about it with Mr. Tough Love.

 

“But, Beomie—“

 

“No! No, Beomie. No, Beombble Bee. No pet name to coax me into agreeing with you! You’re not ending this relationship for that reason, Yeonjun!” Beomgyu huffed at his best friend. Yeonjun was still pouting at him, but Beomgyu didn’t budge.

 

“God, it’s like I’m the hyung here! Why would you want to break up with him like that?”

 

“I just— it’s a sign Beomie. A day that represents so much dread, sadness and represents the exact opposite to him. How can this relationship work out?” He spoke, pouting, cuddling close to his best friend. The other just smacked him on the forehead lightly and Yeonjun yelped.

 

“Hey! What was that for?”

 

“To literally smack some sense into your head!” Yeonjun groaned at him as he rolled his eyes at Beomguy. “No, Jun I’m serious, I really think you’re over reacting.”

 

“Beomie you know what this day means to me. You were there when I cried myself to sleep the first two years, and had panic attacks around that date the years after that. You know I’m never joking about it, because I’m fucked up like that. You were here when I was admitted to the hospital years later because of the phantom pain around the scars that are still there.” He reached his back without thinking.

 

“The way I reacted towards Kai was completely out of line, it’s true. But me wanting to break up with Soobin is _not_ over reacting.” He said finally with an aggravated tone.

 

Beomgyu didn’t say anything at that, so Yeonjun kept on resting on the younger’s shoulder, hugging him closer by putting his leg over the other’s. It was also a way to show silently that he needed some comfort at the moment. Beomgyu gave away and let himself being pulled tighter as the older played with his fingers.

 

After five minutes he sighed and looked at Yeonjun with a sad smile.

 

“ I was there for you at each step of the way. I saw you cry until you looked physically dehydrated, I cried with you, I took care of you, I lost sleep worrying about you,” Yeonjun started to feel bad again, but Beomgyu didn’t let him, “And I would do it again in a heart beat. Because that’s what we are to each other. You would have done _and_ already did the same for me because we’re each other’s anchor.” He spoke so quietly, just for Yeonjun to hear. Yeonjun could feel himself getting emotional at the words.

 

“But, baby, as your anchor, it’s my job to make sure you’re not dragged by the courants and that’s exactly what you’re doing right now.” He said softly. He then sat up against the head of the bed and looked

 

“God, it’s like I’m a broken record or something— you’re letting your condition win, Choi Yeonjun. You’re letting it take your life and happiness away.” He still spoke softly but his tone was irritated.

 

“But worst than that, you’re hurting people in the process! And you’re acting like a coward because of it!” He said harshly. Yeonjun gaped at the roughness of Beomgyu’s words, “You know I’m right, Yeonjun. He was born on 5th of December! So what? No matter how bad this day means to you, Soobin has no idea, because you never said anything. You kept him out, you didn’t leave him any chance to understand you, and now you’re ghosting him!” At this point, Beomgyu had detangled himself of Yeonjun’s limbs and had sit up completely to look at Yeonjun, to make him realize he was serious.

 

Beomgyu groaned, “So either it’s because you’re afraid of telling him the truth, because even _you_ know you’re in too deep, either it’s because you’re self-sabotaging this relationship because you’re afraid of letting yourself being happy, probably due to that self-depreciating mentality of yours!”

 

“And don’t talk to me about keep on lying because you would hate the pity stares! You’re afraid of getting hurt, I understand, but I’ve never seen you half as devastated as you are right now, when nearly everyone looked at you with pity back home!” Beomgyu spat.

 

“In any ways, this all needs to stop, Junnie. You need to man up and decide what you want. Either live in sadness and secret, slowly destroy all of the relationships you built here — And I hope you know that this is not an actual option because that will _break_ you. Or, you man the fuck up and you talk to Soobin, talk to _everyone_ , and then if they’re gonna be asshole about it, then fuck them. You don’t need them.” He barked.

 

 

Yeonjun was just processing everything in shock, Beomgyu panting at the pace he had declared his speech.

 

Then Beomgyu took a deep exhale before releasing it, his frown untying, trying to relax physically. Yeonjun followed his lead and did the same to unrelease the nerve in his shoulder.

 

As he slid down his back until it rested flat against the bed, Beomgyu followed him, and soon they were both looking at the ceiling in a heavy silence.

 

“You need to be happy, Yeonjun.”

 

Yeonjun looked at his best friend’s profil. After all this years, even though his memory reseted and he always saw a stranger when he looked at Beomgyu’s face, it was the same softness that his best friend carried each time. Even when he scowled at him, playfully or not, the softness was something unforgettable. He gulped noisily.

 

“I need to see a therapist.” Yeonjun muttered.

 

“Maybe you should,” Beomgyu hummed softly, “but before that, you need to be happy with yourself, and that’s only possible if you tell the truth. No more waiting.”

 

 

 

“I just. I know you’re right, I just need a little bit of time. But, I’ll get to it. Soon.” Yeonjun answered. And he meant it.

 

Yeonjun reached for Beomgyu’s hand as their fingers interlaced in an almost natural way, as it was something they always did ever since they met when they needed silent support.

 

If they both heard Yeonjun’s phone buzzing incessantly, they didn’t say a word about it.

 

————

 

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

Hyung?!

Answer baby

I’m worried

Kai said you had an emergency

Is everything alright????

Why aren’t you answering im getting worried!

I heard a door being slammed before Kai answered

Does that mean you left your phone at his house???

Yeonjun please answer I tried to call you ten times now

Kai doesn’t even want to give me his address and I feel like now he’s not answering on purpose or something

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

Im so sorry if I’m being pushy, I know you like to have your space, but I just need to make sure you’re okay

Its been five hours now

Kai just texted me to say you were fine, im relieved

But... that means you’re avoiding me

If ive done anything wrong, if something is wrong you need to talk to me babe

ghosting me like that isn’t going to solve anything

Im not sleeping until you answer me

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

It’s 2AM

Im sorry im going to sleep

Ill look for you on campus tomorrow

Good night, i hope you’re okay

 

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

Good morning 💕😢

(Im not breaking our tradition bc of this)

Kai told me that he convinced you to go to class

Please answer me

 

 

From : Hyunjinnie

Hyung

Soobin called me in panic

Where are you????

Answer my calls hyung!

 

 

From: Felixie

Hyung :( answer Hyunjin he’s getting worried!

 

 

From: Hyuka

Hyung?

Are you feeling better?

Are you coming to TXT tonight?

You better!

 

 

From: Yeji

Jun oppa what the hell?

Answer your phone!

We’re worried!

 

 

From: Sannie

Yeonjun are you coming tonight?

Kai explained you had some trouble

It’s okay if you’re not coming but you know, talking about it might help!

Take your time to recover, I know that next week is going to be hard for you, but know we’ll all always be there for you Junnie

We love you

 

From: Woo

San is getting worried because of you

I want to smack you and hug you at the same time

Answer your damn phone

 

 

From: Soobunny 🐰

I just hope you’re fine babe

 

 

————

 

Yeonjun felt like an asshole.

 

Beomgyu said that he was indeed an asshole.

 

Soobin had came to his house on Saturday, and had asked about him. Taehyung had answered the door, not knowing how to lie, he shuffled awkwardly and spluttered so much that Beomgyu had taken the lead

 

Yeonjun didn’t hear things in details. He was hidden behind the kitchen door, out of sight, but he heard Beomgyu introduced himself as a friend of Yeonjun, and say that Yeonjun just needed some time and that he wasn’t there at the moment. He just heard Soobin sigh in defeat and thank him.

 

When Beomgyu came back he had a stern look and a teddy bear in his arms. The teddy bear held a heart on which was written ‘I hope you’re okay’. Yeonjun wanted to cry, cooing at the gift as a strong sense of guilt ceased him.

 

Beomgyu wanted to smack Yeonjun.

 

Yeonjun spent the rest of the say holding the teddy bear tightly, with an incessant pout, to the point that Beomgyu had to manhandle the teddy bear out of his strong hold, saying that Yeonjun didn’t deserve the gift and that he would have it back when he would man up and tell Soobin the truth.

 

 

 

 

Beomgyu had expected to spend a weekend with a little bit of moping and a lot of fun to cheer Yeonjun up, but his dramatic tendencies because of his mental breakdowns pretty much set the tone of his weekend.

 

On Saturday night, as Yeonjun was studying (for the first time in three days) Beomgyu had called Taehyun on the phone, after he made sure that Yeonjun was okay.

 

(He was in tough love mode, but he felt a little guilty of taking the teddy bear away.)

 

Yeonjun half listened to their conversation, attention spiked at the soft whispers, greetings murmured here, shy giggles there, and soft sighs and wishes that ‘they could see each other my starlight’ soon as Beomgyu’s feet wiggled... giddily?

 

Yeonjun was speechless. He had never heard his rough, crazy, loud, best friend being so... gentle with someone other than his family and Yeonjun himself.

 

By the end of call, after some shy whispers of ‘I love you too’ Yeonjun wasn’t even paying attention to his assignment anymore.

 

“What the actual _hell_  was that?”

 

Beomgyu froze as if he was being caught. Yeonjun just smirked at him, feeling something else but sadness for the first time in three days.

 

No, this was too good.

 

His best friend cleared his throat, “Nothing.”

 

Yeonjun scoffed, “Oh, no, that was not nothing.” He snickered, “When did you become such a softie. Oh my god that was disgusting!”

 

“Stop,” Beomgyu whined, “I’m not soft.”

 

“Up until now, I thought that you were just being your crazy self when you were gushing about him. But no, you caught feelings for _your_   _starlight._ Ewww!” He said in faux disgust. Beomgyu hid his blushing face in the pillow and oh, Yeonjun was enjoying this.

 

“Oh my god, you’re actually whipped. I’m loving this! Why do I know that you made out in his uncle jacuzzi, but not that you’re already saying I love you?!” Yeonjun gasped dramatically, Beomgyu was combusting.

 

“Ugh, stop it! I didn’t say anything for a reason.” He huffed at Yeonjun, “At first I was just being my silly self. Like I didn’t really believe that this was going anywhere. But then he changed... Like he became softer, but also wittier and so, so savage. It was cute and _hot_. Like once I stopped thirsting over the image I had of him and we started having real conversations and bickering, and debating, it became so much better, he pushed me to study, and taught me to believe in myself, just like you did. I fell without even realizing.” He murmured the last words.

 

“Wow, Beomie.” Yeonjun smiled at him, “I’m so happy for you.” He genuinely meant it.

 

“He makes me happy. I know it’s silly, we’re both young and we’ve been with each other for few months only but it’s like he’s a missing piece in my life? It’s ridiculous, really.” He dismissed himself.

 

“No, it’s not,” Yeonjun said pressing his lips in a thin line. “I know exactly what you mean.”

 

Soobin came to his mind.

 

Well, not him exactly. But dimples, and soft cheeks, pouty heart shaped lips, cute eyes that disappeared and a melodious squeaky laughter came to his mind.

 

Peppermint and cinnamon and soft, albeit moist hands came to his mind.

 

Deep voice vibrating against his neck as he got kissed leisurely when they chilled in his dorm room bed came to his mind.

 

“Yeonjun?”

 

Beomgyu snapped him out of his daze and he was looking at Yeonjun with a little worry.

 

“See? That’s why I didn’t say anything, too. I didn’t want you to feel bad about your relationship with Soobin.” Beomgyu pouted as he sat up to face the older. But Yeonjun couldn’t have any of that.

 

“What are you on about? I’m not projecting anything... I’m just happy that you’re happy. That’s all I want for you.” He said truthfully.

 

“That’s all I want for you too, Jun.” he said pointedly, Yeonjun rolled his eyes at his best friend and he turned back to his computer, “See why this situation is a problem?” He said loudly to gain Yeonjun’s attention again.

 

Yeonjun just huffed meaning he was still listening even if he wasn’t facing Beomgyu.

 

“Whatever, don’t hold back on informations just because you’re afraid of hurting my feelings. That’s so unusual coming from you.” Yeonjun muttered, knowing well that the younger had heard.

 

“Exactly. That’s not something I would usually do. So now you see how abnormal and serious this situation is for me to not tell you this kind of stuff.” Yeonjun sighed again.

 

“You’re making a big deal out of—“

 

“We had sex, Yeonjun.” Beomgyu cut him suddenly.

 

“YOU HAD WHAT?” Yeonjun turned around brusquely to tackle Beomgyu to the ground, the younger yelping in surprise.

 

“What are you doing? Let me go!” Beomgyu screeched at his best friend but Yeonjun had an iron grip on Beomgyu’s wrists that he held above his head, as he straddled him.

 

“Choi Beomgyu, tell me you just lied to me. Tell me you didn’t have sex!” Yeonjun screeched back. Beomgyu struggled to get his wrist free but to no avail.

 

“Beomgyu! Answer me now!”

 

“I’m not telling you shit if you don’t let go, you’re hurting me!” But Yeonjun knew he was feigning being in pain to be set free. He knew his best friend.

 

“And I’m not doing shit if you don’t tell me the truth!” He spat back

 

Beomgyu tried to set free but failed again. Finally he stopped struggling and groaned. “Fine.” He huffed. Yeonjun raised his eyebrow waiting for an answer.

 

“We did. Have sex, last Thursday.”

 

A pause.

 

Then a scream.

 

Yeonjun screeched in excitement, his inner school girl jumping out, and Beomgyu used this moment of distraction to set himself free, effectively pushing Yeonjun away, but the older already knew what he needed as he rolled himself on his carpet. He was glad that Taehyung and Jimin were out because they would probably think that someone had died by how loud Yeonjun was screaming.

 

“I can’t believe it!” Yeonjun screeched. “Oh my god! Beomie! You’re a man, now.” Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu with crazy eyes.

 

“Please speak louder, I think people in _Japan_ didn’t hear you clearly!” Beomgyu said sternly, but Yeonjun wasn’t listening. He was still watching his best friend in shock.

 

He didn’t know why it was such a big deal, in theory. Beomgyu never had problems with relationships. Well, he always had crushes and dated a little. More than Yeonjun ever did. But virginity was something they both took a little seriously. It wasn’t really about precious flowers to preserve like society loved to bullshit about, more like giving a First of something away to someone. And Beomgyu and Yeonjun took First times seriously.

 

“I can’t believe it, you had sex for the first time,” he said in daze. A happy daze. He was glad that Beomgyu had found something important enough for him to share this.

 

“But I thought that Taehyun was underage?” Yeonjun frowned a little.

 

“Turns out I’m a dumbass because his birthday is in February, he was 18 years old since before we even met.” Beomgyu explained casually. He then became shyer in an instant, “but it’s not about him being of age or not. We just both wanted it, we both trusted each other. We also both knew that even if this relationship didn’t work out, for a reason or another, we still would be happy that our first time was with each other.” Beomgyu’s ears were glowing red at this point.

 

“Oh, okay,” Yeonjun smiled. “So... How was it?” He asked as casually as possible. Now that he knew how much his best friend liked his boyfriend he wasn’t as disgusted by potential details, if that made sense.

 

“It was... Awkward and a little painful. I mean Taehyun was super sweet and had made a lot of research about it beforehand. To make it as enjoyable and painless as possible for me. Be— Because I was bottoming. I tried to make some, too, but all I found was porn and porn is so far from reality, you kno—“

 

“Wait,” Yeonjun froze cutting Beomgyu as he lost his smile. “You had planned to have sex?”

 

“Uh... Yes?” Beomgyu said hesitantly.

 

“... And you didn’t tell me?” Yeonjun asked afraid of the answer, feeling oddly betrayed.

 

Beomgyu took time to respond but his silence told enough.

 

Beomgyu, the advocate of ‘Best Friends are entitled to know everything about their respective lives’ didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about that with him. Because of his own insecurities. Because of his inability to have a normal conversation about his own boyfriend without coming back to his inner demons.

 

That stung.

 

“It’s not against you, Junnie, I swear it wasn’t. It’s just—“

 

“—It’s just I’m too sensitive and on edge regarding relationships, so you chose to not talk about it.” Yeonjun finished for him. Beomgyu didn’t say anything, and once again his silence was loud enough.

 

After some time he looked back at his best friend, he saw him gnawing his lips in worry. “It’s that bad?” He simply asked.

 

Beomgyu hesitated, but inhaled before releasing an equally simple, “Yes, Yeonjun. It’s that bad.”

 

 

 

(Beomgyu wanted to smack Yeonjun several time during this weekend, but as it turned out, his words had left the real impact.)

 

 

Maybe it was the several discussions he had with Beomgyu about the subject. Maybe it was the fact that even with those discussions he still didn’t believe in himself, in the viability of his relationship (of his happiness) and had other discussions with San. And Taehyung. And Kai. And Beomgyu again.

 

Maybe it was the fact that after all those long, dragged discussions about his self-doubts, about his problems that, at the end of the day, he created on his own, he never actually made some moves to change things, to fix them, because he was afraid of the outcome.

 

Maybe it was because he was really hurt by the fact that his only stable relationship in his life, Him and Beomgyu’s, was starting to strain also because of those problems that, once again, at the end of the day, he created on his own. Problems that he could’ve avoided if he just faced the fact that he would never be normal.

 

And that it was okay, as Beomgyu, San, Kai, Taehyung, had said.

 

Maybe it was just the fact that he was getting exhausted by all of it and he already _really_  missed seeing deep dimples and soft cheeks.

 

Maybe that’s all of those reasons that pushed him to say, “I need to fix things, now.”

 

And for once, really meaning it.

 

 

 

————

 

To: Kai, Sannie, Hyunjinnie, Woo, Yeji, Felixie

Hey, Im so sorry for worrying you

I’m better now

I promise

i just need to work out some things

But thank you for being in my life

 

 

 

To: Soobunny 🐰

Hey

Im sorry Soobin

For worrying you, ignoring you, for everything

Im so sorry

Just... Can we talk?

 

 

———

 

Yeonjun was stressed. He had texted him to talk about it and he was nervous as one could be when they would confess a secret they were insecure about.

 

Beomgyu and him had spent all Sunday planning how to fix things, then they cooked with Taehyung and Jimin.

It was the first time he spent a happy Sunday the week before the dreaded anniversary.

 

Beomgyu had left on Sunday night to go back to their hometown, not without words of encouragement and strength and a lot of hugs. They both promised they wouldn’t hide anything from each other, no matter what they were personally going through. Yeonjun knew that this promise would be kept at all cost. They FaceTimed before going to bed that same day, Beomgyu giving one last pep talk.

 

Now here he was, in a café on campus waiting for him. He was nervous, afraid of his reaction after ignoring his calls, but he knew his friend was a good person deep down.

 

Soon, he heard the clatter of a crutch and incessant bickering approaching. He turned his head to two black muss of hair, holding the same worried expression as they fast walk (and normally walk for the one with the crutch) towards him.

 

“Hyung! I’m so glad you’re okay!” Hyunjin said immediately taking Yeonjun in a tight embrace. Yeonjun was surprised but eventually gave in before giving the hug back.

 

Yeji arrived at the table with the same small smile. She already knew of the situation as he had briefly explained it on the TXT group chat.

 

“Hi oppa, I hope you’re better now.” She gave her crutch to her brother as he instinctively helped her sitting down in a comfortable way for her leg. When he made sure she was okay, he raised his gaze to Yeonjun again.

 

“I’m fine, thank you so much for coming on such a short notice,” he said awkwardly. Hyunjin just scoffed.

 

“Don’t even worry about it. I’m glad you texted me. A little surprised you did it before Soobin though.” Hyunjin said with a suspicious tone.

 

To be fair, Yeonjun had wanted to talk to Soobin first, but Beomgyu and Jimin had pointed out the fact that maybe he should talk about it with Hyunjin to see that he had nothing to be scared of. As Hyunjin had Yeji as a sister, he already knew how to act towards people with a disability and it would bring some comfort to Yeonjun. And maybe some courage.

 

That’s why he had messaged the twins to meet. (Yeji had insisted to come to make sure that Hyunjin behaved.)

 

“So what was it you wanted to talk about?” Hyunjin asked, his full attention on him now.

 

Yeonjun gulped, words having a hard time getting out. He started fidgeting without realizing, biting his lips in nerve.

 

Suddenly he felt a soft small hand resting on his balled fist. Yeji was looking at him with sparkling eyes, as if to say he could do it.

 

He cleared his throat, to break the silence, “I wasn’t completely honest with you about something and I’m so sorry I lied. But now I’m ready to tell you.” He stuttered.

 

“You’re scaring me, hyung.” Hyunjin muttered. Then he glanced at Yeji’s hand still resting on Yeonjun’s fist and his eyes widened, his eyes darting between the two of them, “ Oh my god, are you guys..?”

 

Yeji scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous Jinnie! I’m gay as they get, and even if I wasn’t, it would be a hard ‘no’,” She said indignantly, “No offense to you, Oppa.” She added awkwardly.

 

“None taken,” he winced, “To come back to the matter, hum— I. I have a condition. I—I’m disabled.” He said finally, he already felt a little bit of weight lifting off his shoulder.

 

“... You’re disabled?” Hyunjin squeaked more in surprised than anything else.

 

Yeonjun inhaled again before answering again. “When I was fifteen, I got hit by a car. I was in a coma for few weeks but I made it. When I woke up though, I had prosopagnosia, a rare condition that makes me enable to recognize familiar faces.” He said in a well controlled voice.

 

Hyunjin gaped at him, then looked at his sister who was squeezing at her friend’s hand it support. He looked at Yeonjun again.

 

“That’s a thing?”

 

“Hey! That’s what I said too when he told us about it!” Yeji beamed at the similar reaction. Hyunjin snapped and stared at her intensely.

 

“You knew?!”

 

“Of course I did! Where do you think oppa and I met? At the TXT meeting.” She said as if it was obvious.

 

Hyunjin kept gaping at his twin before his gaze snapped at Yeonjun again, the oldest flinching at his reaction. It seemed that Hyunjin took notice of his tense stance, and understanding crossed his face.

 

“Well... Okay then, hyung. Thank you for telling me.” Hyunjin said with round, understanding eyes.

 

Yeonjun’s eyes that were closed in fear opened at the simple answer. “That’s it?” He couldn’t help to ask.

 

Yeji snickered but both boys ignored her, “Well, what do you want me to say, hyung.” Hyunjin spluttered, “It must be such a pain in the ass not to recognize people. And... yeah, if you need any help, you can ask. Although now that I think aboutb it, things are so much clearer now.” He awed as all cleared up, “You already asked for my help in that matter, huh?” He smiled sadly.

 

Yeonjun just smiled sheepishly at him and shrugged as he ignored the sadness in Hyunjin’s eyes.

 

 

“I feel so sorry for you though,” Hyunjin muttered. Yeonjun froze. Here it was. What he dreaded and despised the most. What he—

 

“It must have been hard to not feel comfortable enough with us to not dare talking about it.”

 

What.

 

(Yeonjun felt another smack, and swear he could hear Beomgyu guffawing in the background.)

 

“What?” Yeonjun mirrored his thought. Yeji just smiled at him in reassurance.

 

“Thinking about it, Junnie hyung. Like, it must have been so bad for you to keep that from us. And I assume that if you did kept it from us, it was because you didn’t feel comfortable enough. I don’t know what I did, but I’m so sorry Hyung.” Hyunjin apologized, almost looking like he wanted to cry. Yeji just chuckled fondly and withdrew her hand to rub her twin’s back, murmuring a ‘stop being sad, you big baby’ .

 

Yeonjun was still frozen at the words.

 

He had never expected that reaction amongst all.

 

“You don’t pity me? You don’t want to stop being friends because I lied? You still believe me...?” Yeonjun asked not believing his ears.

 

Hyunjin looked at him as if he was crazy to think such things.

 

 _Was_ he crazy?

 

“What? No, of course not, hyung. You’re one of my closest friends. Friends lie to each other. It happens. And regarding the pity. If I don’t pity ice queen right here, I will most certainly not pity you.” He engulfed his sister in a bear hug before she could smack him for the insult, a whine escaping her as she let herself being hugged.

 

 

Yeonjun felt crazy.

 

After Hyunjin released his sister, his chin resting on her shoulder, making him bending down ridiculously, he still smiled in mirth and Yeji looked at Yeonjun fondly.

 

“See, oppa? If that dork right here reacted like that. How do you think Soobin, someone who’s in love with you is going to react?” She pushed Hyunjin off her shoulder, sticking her tongue at him, he pulled her hair childishly. Yeonjun let them bicker as he let his thoughts take over him.

 

_Someone who’s in love with you._

 

Was it love?

 

Honestly speaking, it only had been months since they met, clearly not enough to call what they had love. Deep fondness was more of a word for what they felt.

 

Still he could feel himself go red at the idea.

 

God, he missed Soobin.

 

“Oppa, you’re red.” Yeji woke him up from his trance in a teasing tone.

 

Yeonjun cleared his throat and ignored the comment. “Wh— Whatever,” he turned to Hyunjin who was nursing his arm that Yeji had slapped violently, “Hyunjinnie, thank you so much for being understanding. You don’t even know how stressed I was about all of it, about keeping it a secret.” He sighed. He could feel some tension seeping out of his shoulder.

 

“I’m just happy you’re trusting me more, and that you’re happy. Hopefully things will go as good with Soobin.” Hyunjin smiled uncertainly at Yeonjun’s stance tensing again.

 

He hoped Soobin would forgive him too.

 

———

 

Before he knew it, it was that day.

 

Two days after meeting up with the Hwang twins, and revealing the truth to his other friends and acquaintances (Felix and Changbin had been really understanding and had cracked some jokes about it immediately. Jeno was so surprised of the confession but smiled so hard that Yeonjun knew that they would be way closer after that, the younger already asking if he wanted to hang out with his own friends the week after this one, Yeonjun had agreed eagerly.)

 

Now here he was, at the greenhouse they had their first date in, shifting uncomfortably in nerves in his sneakers. Beomgyu had insisted he dressed the cutest possible, sweater paws and everything, just in case Soobin was really mad. Yeonjun had found it ridiculous at first but it turned out he liked the oversized pastel purple sweater that Jimin had lended him. His hyung had fussed about his outfit for so long but Yeonjun had indulged him, being too nervous to think of something to wear on his own.

 

While Jimin and Taehyung played dolls with his appearance, Beomgyu had FaceTimed him to give him a motivational speech. It helped a little but nothing could tame the fireball in his gut, instincts telling him to run away from the place he said Soobin to meet him at, and never come back.

 

Taehyung also had convinced him to buy him flowers, with a specific meaning because it was new hobby of his and he thought that Soobin would appreciate the gesture. So here Yeonjun was with a bouquet of Filberts, green flowers meaning reconciliation, that surrounded ‘Forget-me-nots, beautiful blue flowers that were symbols of true love, memories and hope, that contrasted with big White Tulips that meant Forgiveness.

 

Yeonjun only really took the bouquet because he had to maximize his chance of being forgiven, but he still thought it was maybe too much. He was meeting Soobin in a place literally filled with flowers. Still, he indulged Taehyung too and accepted the gift that his hyung had even prepared for him.

 

He fiddled with the plastic around the bouquet when he heard the door of the greenhouse being opened.

 

He had texted Soobin to meet up around the end of the afternoon just in case Soobin rejected his apologies and explanations and Yeonjun had to go home to hide in his bed. Then he could directly cry himself to sleep without ruining his sleep schedule.

 

(That was Taehyun’s idea, according to Beomgyu. Yeonjun didn’t believe him.)

 

He saw a figure making its way through the plants until the person noticed Yeonjun.

 

Tall. Newly dyed glossy Black hair. A natural pout that he tried to hide. Small dimples creasing his soft-looking cheeks. White creamy skin.

 

Almost everything pointed out that it was Soobin, but the unusual dark circles under his eyes that were rimmed red, the chapped lips that were normally so soft, the cheeks that, although soft looking, creased a little as they had thinned out. That wasn’t something that Yeonjun had ever seen on Soobin, and the thought made his stomach churn in discomfort.

 

Soobin approached carefully as his eyes avoided Yeonjun. When he was close (not close enough, Yeonjun’s mind screamed) he sighed awkwardly, his own hands glistening as they fiddled with his school bag. Yeonjun looked at him and saw the inner turmoil in his expression. His frown was really apparent but there was also sadness in his eyes. Yeonjun hated himself for being the reason of it.

 

He cleared his throat.

 

Here went nothing.

 

“Hey. Thank you for coming.” He said so quietly, but Soobin still flinched, as if he was startled by hearing Yeonjun’s voice after a week of silence.

 

Soobin cleared his throat and shifted on his feet before muttering a, “No problem, Yeonjun-ssi.”

 

Yeonjun ignored the prickling feeling when he heard the formal way Soobin addressed him.

 

“What did you want? I didn’t expect you to answer me back after days of silence.” Soobin gritted out, this time looking at Yeonjun directly, eyes more angry than a second ago.

 

“Hum— I wanted to talk to you. Because I owed you that much.” Yeonjun stuttered.

 

“Well, go on then.” Soobin said.

 

“Hum... Fi—First of all I wanted to apologize again. I... I’m so, _so_  sorry Soobin, I. I fucked up.” Yeonjun let out a whimper at the last words. They were both staring at each other by that point. So many emotion and tension fizzling in the air.

 

“But what are you sorry for? Was it for hanging up on me? Or ignoring me while I was worried to death about whether you were okay? Or maybe it was for the fact that I had to learn about it from Huening Kai, who didn’t want to say anything to me.” He was seething, Yeonjun felt even worse as the reproaches pilled up and he had never seen Soobin so hurt before.

 

“Oh, no, no. Maybe you’re sorry about ignoring me during this weekend when I came to your house and yet _another_ friend of yours answered the door, lying about your whereabouts.” Soobin sighed in fustration. Yeonjun crushed the plastic around the bouquet, in nerve.

 

“If you wanted to see other people just say it, hyung! Don’t go missing for days and text me saying you’re sorry and ask to see me, _three days_ after that, making me even more insecure about us. Do you know how that made me feel?” He barked so loudly that Yeonjun backed away, not handling how much hurt was laced in his voice.

 

“Soobin, I...” he felt something wet on his cheeks, but when he tried to look out on the ceiling to see what it was, he realized it was his own tears.

 

“Soobin, I don’t want to see other people. I like you so much... I—“

 

“Are you sure you like me? Because you abandoned me out of nowhere this last week. I was miserable, hyung. You— you...” Soobin choaked on his own tears running wild.

 

“Call me dramatic but when Kai said that you were okay and needed some space and time away from people, as if I was just _people_ not your boyfriend, it— It _broke my heart_ , hyung.” Soobin croaked out as he choked a sob.

 

New fresh set of tears ran out before Yeonjun could control them. He was sobbing, not knowing what to say. He never thought he would react like that at Soobin’s reproaches.

 

They were both crying, Soobin more silently than Yeonjun.

 

“What did you want to say, hyung.” Soobin finally said so coldly that it send shivers down Yeonjun’s entire body.

 

Yeonjun didn’t answer immediately, wanting to calm himself down, first.

 

If he and Soobin really were going to break up, he at least owed him the truth.

 

 

“Soobin, I’m disabled.” Yeonjun whispered.

 

Yeonjun couldn’t avoid Soobin’s stare, as the younger’s eyes widen, frown still there as he tried to process what Yeonjun had just said.

 

“You’re disabled? What are you even—“

 

“I have a rare neurological condition named prosopagnosia, which means that I cannot recognize faces. I’m anable to distinguish any faces, no matter how familiar they’re supposed to be to me. I can’t recognize my mother, my brother. No one. I’m face blind.” Yeonjun was rambling at this point, but once the faucet was open, there were no stopping it.

 

“A random day at the beginning of December back when I was fifteen years old, I was going home from school. It was raining hard, I hadn’t brought an umbrella but I knew the way by heart.” He said, tears still running at the memory, “When I think about it it was raining so violently. You couldn’t see anything that was two feet in front of you, but I was cocky, I dismissed that. Except that I shouldn’t have. Because I didn’t see the car that was coming towards me, hitting me unconscious.”

 

Soobin gasped, but Yeonjun was in some of trance, he couldn’t stop.

 

“A drunk driver hit me, it was a hit and run. I don’t know what happened to the guy, I dont care. I was unconscious, but I remember the rain. I remember the feeling of coldness. I remember me choking on the water that was falling so hard.” He shivered at the memory.

 

“But, fortunately the people in the neighborhood saw me and immediately called an ambulance. I ended up in a coma for a few months,” He looked up at Soobin who was looking at him in so much shock, anger seeping out of his expression, but Yeonjun still kept going.

 

“I should have died but miraculously I woke up, with few broken ribs and scars that never healed properly,” he turned around and raised his sweater and shirt to show the huge scar that crossed his back, he heard Soobin gasp again, “Unfortunately the head trauma was too severe and it reached my temporal lobe, the part of the brain that allows face recognition.” He pressed his lips in a thin line. Thinking about it made him feel too much. He closed his eyes to calm himself down for few seconds and then proceeded to speak.

 

“Prosopagnosia is such a rare condition, you only see it in fiction. And when the doctor said I had it I couldn’t believe it, but then the women next to me in my hospital room started crying, almost chanting my name and that’s when I realized it was my mother, Soobin. My mother was next to me since I had woken up and I didn’t even know until she spoke because I didn’t recognize her. My own mother.” He spat in frustration.

 

“After months of recovery, I was allowed to leave the hospital, and then after more months of re-education I could go back to school.” He gritted his teeth at the memory, “It was hard. Everyone was reacting differently, some were understanding, some... less. I only had Beomgyu who was always there and knew how to be to make me feel good about this shit show that was my life— Beomgyu was the guy who you saw at my house this weekend, he’s my best friend, and _nothing else_  .” He said pointedly, realization crossed Soobin’s face as he awed in understanding. Soobin didn’t look mad at this point, although he still looked hurt but his understanding face something underlying.

 

All could Yeonjun see was the pity.

 

“Don’t look at me like that, Soobin, please,” he almost begged, “I can’t take people looking at me with pity anymore, I—. That’s why I didn’t say anything to begin with. I just wanted to be normal. To have a normal college life, without pity, or doubtful, or disgusted stares. I just wanted to not have my prosopagnosia define who I was, as it did since that awful day.” He said desperately.

 

Soobin still had a distraught look but couldn’t seem to control the pity in his eyes. Yeonjun wasn’t even looking at him anymore.

 

After a heavy silence, Soobin muttered softly, “But, what happened last week, then? You just flipped out when I talked about about my birthday— a day really important to me.”

 

Here it was.

 

“Soobin, the day of my accident is like some kind of trigger to me. A symbol, a reminder of everything that is wrong with me today, of everything that causes people to act differently with me. It’s a symbol of how abnormal I am. Every year I go through so much anguish because of that day.” He murmured, but it all sounded so loud to him.

 

The younger interjected, “But—“

 

“My accident was on December 5th, 2014.”

 

There it was. There was the final words that would seal the fate of his relationship. There was the churning dread running through Yeonjun’s body as he waited for Soobin to say something.

 

“... Your accident was on my birthday.” Soobin squeaked.

 

Yeonjun simply nodded, eyes closed as he waited for the blow.

 

“... And this date represents anguish to your eyes.”

 

Yeonjun nodded again.

 

“And know that I like you, Soobin. I like you so much. But since I met you, although I had the most amazing time with you, you were another reminder of my condition because I spent so much time with you, and I couldn’t _see_ you. At first it didn’t matter... Until it did. And then the image of you and I, in my mind shifted.... You were still adorable and understanding, but when I thought of you, I thought of someone so amazing, who was there for me, who confided in me, who trusted me, when I... I lied to you, ignored you — albeit not on purpose, I just didn’t know it was you. I— I was inconsistent and I just didn’t feel like I deserved you. Then, in my head it was like I knew deep down we weren’t meant to be together. You were perfect, and I was... me.”

 

“Finally, you told me your birthday was on the worst day of my life, and something in me just snapped. It was like the universe was telling me that, yeah, you guys are opposites, you’ll always clash. What were the odds that the most awful day of my life, was on the day of your birthday?! It was too much. So I had a panic attack, especially after you...”

 

“... after I rubbed into your face how great and important that day was to me.” Soobin finished for him. Yeonjun’s eyes snapped and looked at Soobin.

 

He didn’t carry hurt or any anger in his eyes anymore. They were glowing because of the tears he cried earlier, but his eyes still were twinkling something else... Hope, maybe?

 

“Yes... It was a lot.” Yeonjun just said, roughly rubbing the streak of tears on his cheeks but Soobin took his hands away.

 

He carefully approached Yeonjun until they were only few inches apart. Yeonjun didn’t move a muscle, as he let Soobin do what he wanted.

 

The younger didn’t even seem to breathe as he got closer to take Yeonjun’s face in his hands. He softly grazed the older’s cheek with his thumb as he wiped the new tears away. Yeonjun couldn’t breathe either.

 

“I— I’m so sorry for ignoring you this week. It was horrible. I was so sad and hurt. I completely over reacted and hurt you in the process.” Yeonjun muttered in shame. He knew he was speaking in pout again but he couldn’t help it.

 

Soobin only looked at him, with eyes so sad, but for different reason, now. Slowly, Yeonjun could see the corner of Soobin’s mouth raising a little. Yeonjun sniffed quietly.

 

“You went through so much, huh?”

 

Yeonjun blinked. Once. Twice.

 

He hadn’t expected that.

 

“What?”

 

Soobin just sighed and closed his eyes before resting his forehead against Yeonjun’s.

 

“You went through so much, just because you wanted to feel normal. And I ruined it for you. I had to be born on the worst day of your life.” He said tightly, a little guilt seeping in his voice. Yeonjun couldn’t have none of that.

 

He cupped Soobin’s face back, softly pulling the younger closer if it was possible, “Don’t even try to think this is your fault for a second. You don’t choose the day you’re born.” He was whispering now, “This is entirely my fault. If we’re here crying in this greenhouse, only three weeks after we started dating, it’s because of me.” He gritted out.

 

“And I’m so sorry Soobin. For lying to you, for hurting you, for ignoring you. For everything. I like you so much, I don’t want to lose you.” He whispered on Soobin’s lips. They were so close he could feel Soobin’s lashes fanning softly against his own cheek as he opened his eyes to look at Yeonjun right in the eyes.

 

“I forgive you.”

 

It was the last thing he heard before they succumb to a deep kiss that made Yeonjun melt inside. Soobin’s lips were chapped but Yeonjun didn’t care because his would be too if it wasn’t for the thick coat of strawberry lip balm that was forces on his lips.

 

They kissed so softly yet deeply that it almost burned Yeonjun, sending shivers through his spine as Soobin snaked his arms around his slim waist. Their lips smacked passionately despite the slow pace, until Soobin squeezed Yeonjun’s waist, making his legs wobble at the feeling of warmth that engulfed him. Yeonjun gasped softly against Soobin’s lips and the younger used this small moment of excitement to take a breath before grazing his tongue against the seam of Yeonjun’s plush lips, before it met his boyfriend’s tongue.

 

Yeonjun was going mad over how soft the action was even if he could feel himself combusting. Their tongue swirled around each other leisurely as Yeonjun’s hand found Soobin’s hair to stroke them gently. He felt like he was floating, tiny wings growing on his back at same pace as his creeping blush grew on his face and neck.

 

The warmth he felt inside of him when he was in Soobin’s arms could overpower any thought of the crippling coldness and rain that his accident reminded him of.

 

Soobin was his safe haven.

 

At the thought he held him tighter if it was possible, not leaving any space between them. He felt tears in his eyes again, fanning one through his eyelashes on Soobin’s cheek before he could control them.

 

When Soobin felt the tear he pulled away, not without kissing Yeonjun’s lips again. And again. He cupped Yeonjun’s face softly, and at the cold contact of Soobin’s moist hands, Yeonjun cried a little bit more.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, love,” Soobin shushed him softly. He kissed him on both of his cheeks to kiss the tears away, but that pushed another sob out of the elder.

 

As he held him tighter, Yeonjun hid his face is the crook of Soobin’s neck, trying to calm down. Soobin whispered gentle words of reassurance, kissing gently Yeonjun’s neck that was exposed.

 

“I’m so happy you’re in my life, Soobin. I don’t ever want to hurt you again,” Yeonjun cried quietly in Soobin’s neck. The younger just nodded softly and kissed the crown of Yeonjun’s head.

 

He waited until Yeonjun calmed down and when he met two orbs that held entire galaxies in them, when his eyes gazed at the dimples that made him fell so hard, he couldn’t help but mirror the smile the younger had on.

 

 

“Let’s not hurt each other again.”

 

 

 

 

———

 

 

 

 

- **Epilogue** -

 

 

“Yeonjun, Soobin! Hurry up!” Yeonnun heard Taehyung screech through the noise of the loud music down stairs.

 

“We’re coming!” Yeonjun screamed back.

 

He was in the bathroom washing the stain on his sweater that Beomgyu had spilled by bumping into him because of how hard he was laughing at Taehyun’s joke.

 

They had both came for the Christmas holidays, and their relationship was going strong. Yeonjun couldn’t be happier for his best friend who had really found someone exceptional for himself. He really liked Taehyun so far, and although he was savage and weirdly (read: infuriatingly) good at everything, Taehyun seemed to be in love with Beomgyu and that was enough for Yeonjun.

 

Now it was New Year’s Eve, five minutes before midnight. Taehyung decided to throw a little party in their home. Except that meddling Taehyung and Yeonjun’s friends was a mistake that could only result in chaos. That’s what Yeonjun had said, but Taehyung just shrugged at him, saying that it’ll go fine.

 

It was indeed chaos, but Yeonjun still was having the best time.

 

He loved his family and he loved his friends.

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

Soobin was looking at him from his sit on the bathtub. The younger insisted to go help him with his shirt stain but he was too tipsy to even do anything other than watching Yeonjun with a disgustingly fond gaze.

 

“I’m thinking of how lucky I am to have you in my life.” He answered cheekily, knowing it would make the younger blush. And indeed soon Soobin’s ears were red and it was not because of the soju.

 

“Ugh, cheesy much?” He scoffed, but when Yeonjun came towards him he stayed put to let his boyfriend lean and kiss the shell of his red ears.

 

Soobin spluttered, “You’re—“

 

“CHOI YEONJUN, GET YOUR ASS DOWN!” They heard Beomgyu barking through the flight of stairs.

 

Yeonjun smiled knowingly at his drunk boyfriend, and pulled him up to lead him in his room. His sweater was not salvageable, so he quickly took it off to look for another one in his closet. He heard Soobin splutter a ‘what are you doing?’ in the background as he always did when Yeonjun showed an inch of skin. He ignored him with a chuckle and picked the cute sweater that Soobin’s mom had given him for Christmas. (“A gift for taking such good care of my baby” she said with the same dimpled smile as Soobin. Yeonjun did everything to not tear up but as it turned out, Soobin cried for the both of them.)

 

He put on the sweater and tucked it in his pants before turning around with jazz hands. When he looked at Yeonjun, Soobin gasped exaggeratedly after way too many seconds. Yeonjun just chuckled fondly at his antics. He kissed Soobin on the nose and hugged him tightly.

 

It’s been a little less than two months since they started dating and it already felt like such a long time. He truly loved every second they spent together.

 

As he hugged him, he watched the new pictures of him with his friends on his bedroom’s wall. Amongst lots of them, his favorites. Hyunjin, Yeji, Kai and him at the restaurant. San, Wooyoung and him before a night out at a party. The TXT group on a day out volunteering at the children hospital. His weekly get together with Jeno, and his friends Renjun and Donghyuck. And his all-time favorite: Him and Soobin wearing Dog and Bunny ears at the amusement park, smiling shyly at the camera. He hummed fondly at the memory that warmed his heart.

 

It was on the day after they had made up, Yeonjun wanted to celebrate them being back together. At first Soobin was hesitant because even if it was his birthday he was ready to spend the day cuddling Yeonjun and whispering reassuring words in his bed, if he felt like moping like he usually did every year.

 

But Yeonjun had refused the (very tempting) offer.

 

Because he knew that if he wanted to fight his inner demons, he had to move on and accept the fact that he’ll never be normal. That he’ll never feel normal and that it was okay because the way that Soobin made him feel was a thousand time better than trying to feel normal.

 

Soobin just blushed shyly when Yeonjun had said that.

 

So they went on that amusement park date, Yeonjun gave him the flowers that he had forgot to gift him in the greenhouse. Soobin loved them. The amusement was like a fairy tail because it was around Christmas and all the decorations and fairy lights set an incredibly romantic mood. Hence the shy smiles they share on that precious picture stuck on Yeonjun’s wall.

 

“I’m lucky you’re in my life too, hyung.” Soobin whispered so quietly that Yeonjun could’ve missed it.

 

He looked back at Soobin who had a dopey smile on, cheeks flushed, hair disheveled from dancing too hard.

 

Yeonjun heard something crashing downstairs but still couldn’t take his eyes off Soobin.

 

 

“It’s starting everyone! 10! 9!...” he heard Taehyung scream before everyone started counting with him.

 

He wasn’t listening.

 

“8! 7!”

 

He was just losing himself in Soobin’s constellation-like eyes...

 

“6! 5!”

 

... in his dimples that were creasing his cheeks so beautifully...

 

“4! 3!”

 

... In his radiating smile that made Yeonjun’s heart skipped a beat in the most incredible way...

 

“2! 1!”

 

... in his entire aura that made Yeonjun’s senses overload...

 

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

 

 

...In that beautiful boy who’s whole being made Yeonjun’s senses feel like summer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... And they kissed and when Taehyung came in to wish them a happy new year, he saw them, smacked Soobin on the head for corrupting his brother with his mouth. 
> 
> Soobin cried, Yeonjun cried, Taehyung cried, Jimin sighed.
> 
> ThE EnD :D 
> 
> ——— 
> 
> Thank you for being here, for reading this story that meant a lot to me  
> You guys are everything to me for sparing your time to read it, for commenting
> 
> Please comment what you thought of the story, of the ending, also whether you liked my writing (im so insecure about it despite all your nice comment :((. )
> 
> I really mean it when im saying that I love you so sooo much 
> 
> if anyone wants to contact me, (I LOVE MAKING FRIENDS, IM NOT EVEN JOKING) im @LydsBts on Twt


	7. Apple of my eye (Our Firsts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little slice of life chapter ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, it’s Tae2junnies, being back way earlier than anticipated wth
> 
> So, yes, I said I was going to post this in two weeks because exams and bla-bla-bla but oh, well
> 
> Im doomed anyways, impeding failure will knock on my door anyways....
> 
> SO HERE’S THE 16K WORDS YEONBIN FLUFF TO MAKE YALL HAPPY
> 
> PS: there’s smut in this 0, theyre all adults so its okay (i just feel a little bit weird about it, not TOO weird), its my first time writing smut, please indulge me :) 
> 
> ENJOY💕💕💕

 

 **Soobin and Taehyung’s First meeting**.

 

Soobin was nervous.

 

He really didn’t know what to expect, really.

 

When Yeonjun had said that his older brother wanted to meet him properly, he was excited. Soobin knew how important Taehyung was to Yeonjun and how much he wanted his brother to like him. The fate of their relationship was pretty much surrounded by whether Taehyung would like him or not. But Yeonjun had insisted that Taehyung was a sweetheart and that he shouldn’t worry for a second. Besides, Yeonjun’s mom who he had talked to on the phone loved him, so he knew Taehyung would love him, too.

 

Then Beomgyu had called him.

 

(Soobin didn’t expect that call so when he had answered and heard a “If you are with Yeonjun, act normal and get away from him.” Soobin choked on his ramen.

 

He wasn’t with Yeonjun at the time but the bluntness still startled him.

 

After he managed to control his coughing fit, he croaked a, “Who is this?”

 

“Soobin. This is Choi Beomgyu.” Beomgyu said in a deep voice, like way too deep. It wasn’t his normal voice, that Soobin knew.

 

“Oh, hi Beomgyu, how—“

 

“I dont have time for greetings!” Beomgyu barked, “Hell, YOU don’t have time! Listen to me carefully. You’re meeting Taehyung tomorrow and I must warn you.” Beomgyu whispered hurriedly.

 

Soobin gulped at the seriousness in his tone. He put down his ramen amd cleared his throat.

 

“Yeonjun told me that it was going to fine, though.”

 

“Yeonjun doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he’s Taehyung most precious thing in the world, he would never get what it feels like to be in Taehyung’s bad side!” Beomgyu explained frantically. Soobin started to feel some dread, even though Beomgyu sounded crazy.

 

“... Okay. So what should I worry about?” Soobin sighed.

 

“Its Four things you need to respect, if you want him to like you.” Soobin quietly pulled out his legal pad out to scribble the steps on. He knew that Beomgyu was probably exaggerating but he still knew Yeonjun better than anyone else, and he knew that Taehyung treated him like a brother. So, Soobin just jotted down his explanations.

 

“First of all, you need to make sure to never make eye contact. Taehyung is like a lion, creeping on his prey. You shouldn’t try to fight for dominance with a staring contest because you would lose anyways.” Beomgyu explained. He still had that creepy deep voice but it was cracking around the edge, losing its impact.

 

Soobin scribbled ‘No eye contact.’)

 

Soobin was by the door, he has already rang the doorbell after sending a quick message to tell Yeonjun he was there.

 

He heard pacing and muffled harsh whispering behind the door. After few seconds of him fidgeting on his feet, the door opened. He automatically put on a smile, small bouquet of lilies (Yeonjun’s favorite flowers) in his hands.

 

He was startled when he saw Taehyung opening the door with a stern face.

 

“Hi, hyung! How are—“

 

“It’s Taehyung-ssi to you.” Taehyung cut him out bluntly. Soobin gaped at the words, but quickly composed himself. Good impression before anything else.

 

“Hum... Hi, Taehyung-ssi. Huh, how have you been?” He asked with less enthusiasm.

 

“Fine.” Taehyung retorted without asking it back. Soobin just fidgeted in his spot even more under the stare of the elder. Which must have been a funny picture because Soobin was considerably taller than Taehyung. So you could see a big bunny making himself smaller under the cold stare of a red-headed men in crocs.

 

“Soobin, you’re here already?” He heard an angelic voice, coming to rescue him. A beautiful Yeonjun came to the door, head peeking out behind Taheyung’s frame. He had a towel resting lazily on his hair.

 

That explained why he hadn’t answered to Soobin’s messages.

 

Soobin couldn’t help but smile ridiculously at Yeonjun’s flushed, fresh out of the shower, bare face. Somehow that made him look younger and, so, so much cuter. He felt warmth creeping through his body and he just knew his ears was pink as he muttered a small, “Hi hyung.” He felt his stomach do somersault when Yeonjun beamed back his radiating smile that could give the sun a run for his money.

 

God, Soobin was whipped.

 

Taehyung cleared his throat to wake him up from his daydreaming about his gorgeous boyfriend. When Soobin looked at him, he understood what Beomgyu meant by, do not look at him in his eyes.

 

Maybe it was the red hair, but Soobin felt like if Taehyung’s eyes could, they would set him on fire, right here, at this instant.

 

Soobin gulped again.

 

“What are you doing here? Come inside.” But Soobin didn’t budge, too nervous because of Taehyung’s scowling.

 

Yeonjun just huffed in irritation, then pushed his brother away who whined. He pulled Soobin by the arm to being him inside the house, to the living room.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer I was under the shower. I’m happy youre there, my bunny. I just need to dry my hair real quick, then I’ll come downstairs, okay?” Yeonjun whispered softly, small smile never living his lips. When Soobin nodded dumbly — he couldn’t get over how cute Yeonjun was — Yeonjun bit his lower lip and hastily pecked Soobin’s lips, so fast that the younger barely had time to kiss him back.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Yeonjun said again, before fast walking to the stairs to go back to his room.

 

Soobin just looked at the stairs, where his amazing boyfriend had just been, and sighed.

 

God, was Yeonjun cute.

 

He heard a throat clearing and Soobin yelped when he saw Taehyung standing right behind him, still frowning.

 

“So... Soobin? What do you want to drink?”

 

(“Second thing to know,” Beomgyu said, “If Taehyung suggest something to eat or to drink. Politely decline. If he insists once, you say no again. But if he insists TWICE.” Beomgyu paused dramatically, “You agree and say thank you, and bow.” He finished.

 

“... What the fuck? Why should I say no? Isn’t he just being nice?”

 

“No. It’s a trap. If you say yes, you’re greedy to him. If you say no once, you’re okay. If he insists and you still say no, you’re polite and if he insists a second time and you say yes, then it means you’re polite AND you also respect him as a host. So you have manners, and that’s important to Taehyung.”

 

“... But, why—“

 

“I DON’T MAKE THE RULES, SOOBIN. JUST DO AS I SAY.”)

 

“... No thank you, Taehyung-ssi.” Soobin answered stiffly. He got this.

 

Taehyung’s eyes narrowed, stance still abnormally stiff, “Are you sure? I insist, have something.” He gritted out, even though his expression was still neutral, which was really weird to Soobin.

 

“Hum, no, it’s really okay, hyun— I mean Taehyung-ssi.” Soobin caught himself.

 

Taehyung took another step closer to Soobin, the younger instinctively taking one back.

 

“Soobin, please have a drink.”

 

Here it was.

 

“Well, if you insist. I would love some water, please.” Soobin said with a well-controlled voice and a small bow. He could feel his hands getting clammy.

 

Few seconds of silence before a lone, “Okay. Follow me.” Soobin almost thought he dreamed the way that Taehyung’s stance relaxed a little.

 

Taehyung turned around and led them to the kitchen. The younger sat on one of the stools near the kitchen counter and tried to stay put as Taehyung took a glass out of a cabinet and some water out of the fridge. He then poured a glass to Soobin, that the younger drank stiffly.

 

“So... Soobin, what is it that you do?”

 

“Hum, Well—“

 

“I’m back!” Yeonjun interjected as he entered the kitchen with a big smile, completely clueless to the tension.

 

“And look, my hair are long enough so that I can put the hair pins you bought me as a joke.” Yeonjun pointed at the pins, and Soobin could melt at how pretty Yeonjun was. “Do you like it?” Yeonjun asked cutely, and Soobin knew he wasn’t even doing it on purpose. It was just how they were with each other.

 

“You look...” Soobin was at loss of words.

 

Whipped.

 

Yeonjun chuckled at how speechless Soobin was, completely ignoring his seething brother, and sat on the stool next to Soobin had interlaced their arms together before kissing his cheek softly. In front of Taehyung.

 

Soobin stiffed at the contact.

 

(“Third thing, try to have the most minimal amount of contact with Yeonjun. Like no kisses, no hugs, no nothing! Yeonjun is the apple of Taehyung’s eye, his precious baby brother that he practically raised. Even a peck on the cheek would be seen as someone trying to corrupt his baby.”

 

“So I can’t do anything?”

 

“Well, held holding is okay. But I remember back in middle school, when this chinese exchange student Lucas tried to peck him on the cheek in front of Yeonjun’s house. Taehyung was going home from grocery shopping, when he saw them he screeched and chased and started hitting Lucas with a leek. It was ridiculous. And a little funny.”

 

Soobin gulped.)

 

Soobin gulped for the nth time, at Taehyung glaring daggers at Soobin, even if it was Yeonjun that had pecked him. It wasn’t even his fault.

 

“Hum, as I was saying, I graduated high school top of my class at a Music School. Now, I’m a music major, I have a minor in business management. I hope I can work in the music industry and manage some artists in the future... hopefully.” Soobin said steadily. At least he had that going for him. Generally, parents liked the fact that he knew what he wanted and that he was a hard worker.

 

Yeonjun just looked at him in pride and held Soobin tighter. Soobin couldn’t help but melt at the small embrace, nerves almost seeping out of him, but they instantly came back when Taehyung tsked.

 

“So, you like controling people, huh?”

 

What.

 

“What?”

 

“Hyung!” Yeonjun whined.

 

“Of course not. Managing is not about controlling! If anything else it’s about guiding to make things easier for the artist.” Soobin explained calmly, although feeling Yeonjun tense stance made him even more nervous.

 

Taehyung seemed to be impressed by his retaliation. Frown almost disappearing completely. Soobin felt relief.

 

It was going okay.

 

(“Finally, and that’s maybe the most important thing. Show that you care about Yeonjun. One way or another, maybe with past actions, or some story you two lived. That will settle any doubt that Taehyung may have.” Beomgyu said finally.)

 

They were now in the living room. They had ate pizza and now Taehyung was practically interrogating him. It was like meeting the parents but worse. Because Taehyung didn’t fall for any of his charms.

 

“Siblings?”

 

“Four, two sisters and two brothers. I’m in the middle.”

 

“Age?”

 

“20.”

 

“Favorite food?”

 

“Well, I like teopbeokkie. But just meat in general.”

 

“You had relationship before dating my Yeonjun?” Soobin heard Yeonjun gulped.

 

“I had one relationship but it didn’t really count.” He said hesitating.

 

“Oh, why is that?” Taehyung’s eyes narrowed again.

 

“It was in middle school. We were young and it lasted a week. We both weren’t serious about it.” He explained quickly.

 

“Are you more serious about relationships, now?” Taehyung asked almost scoffing.

 

“I’m serious about how much I lo—like Yeonjun.” Soobin, corrected himself quickly, Yeonjun looking at him with wide eyes. They hadn’t said I love you to each other yet. He must certainly didn’t want the first time to be in front of his brother like that. Soobin ignored Yeonjun’s intense stare.

 

Taehyung sensed the awkwardness and cleared his throat.

 

“Birthday date?”

 

Seriously, Soobin needed to have his throat checked with how much he had gulped within one night.

 

“Hum...”

 

“Hyung. Stop it, now. You know when his birthday is.” Yeonjun gritted out, visibly angry at Taehyung’s attempt.

 

“What, I’m just asking to see his reaction, and take on everything.” Taehyung dismisses his baby brother.

 

“Well, Soobin doesn’t have to—“

 

“— It’s okay, Junnie Hyung,” Soobin cut him he then turned to Taehyung, leveling his stare despite what Beomgyu advised him, “My birthday is on December 5th. And it’s a really important day to me, because we take birthday seriously in my family. See, my family didn’t have as much money as we do now, and our birthdays were the only days we allowed ourselves to go a little bit over the top, buying a cake and maybe gifts if we could afford it.” Soobin explained, and he could see Taehyung’s frown melting away. Yeonjun had already took his hand and squeezed it in reassurance.

 

“Now, fortunately my parents are way better off financially. But birthdays stayed important to us. Well it was until I met Yeonjun and he told me the truth.” He looked at Yeonjun who was abusing his lower lip by biting it hard, “Now, I honestly think I found something more important to me than a stupid birthday cake. I can find another important day in the year to celebrate, but I don’t think I can find another Yeonjun.” He said softly as he kept looking Yeonjun’s eyes that seemed to twinkle at Soobin’s words.

 

(Really, they were both whipped.)

 

He was doing everything in his power not to kiss Yeonjun when he hears Taehyung hummed. He teared his gaze away from his boyfriend, before looking at Taehyung who had a small smile on.

 

“Good answer.”

 

***

 

Soon Soobin had to leave. Things went way better after that and when he wasn’t in creepy overprotective mode, Taehyung was actually a really nice and funny hyung.

 

Soobin left with a pat on his shoulder from Taehyung, the older telling him to call him hyung. Soobin beamed at him and had nodded eagerly.

 

Yeonjun walked him to the door, and whispered excitedly, “I think he liked you!” He had the most beautiful smile on and after checking if the coast was clear Soobin kissed him properly for the first time this night.

 

Yeonjun hummed in the kiss and never lost his smile during it. Soobin’s heart was fluttering. He loved kissing Yeonjun so much.

 

But three minutes later they heard a deep groan “Choi Yeonjun! Get your ass back here!”, making them reluctantly pulling away.

 

Yeonjun just chuckled, and stroked his cheeks fondly before squeezing them like he loved to. He kissed Soobin’s puckered lips, once, twice and a third longer time. Until he heard paces approaching them.

 

Suddenly he had Yeonjun laughing and pushing him out of the door, squeaking a lone “Byebabyilltextyou,” before shutting the door to his face quickly before Taehyung caught them.

 

Soobin wasn’t even mad, still drunk from the kisses.

 

 

(Few days after Beomgyu called him again, saying that Yeonjun had told him how it went. Apparently it had went so well that Beomgyu thought he deserved to be paid.

 

Soobin laughed at his joke.

 

But the younger was serious.

 

Soobin hang up.)

 

 

 

 

 

———

 

**The First Sleepover.**

 

8PM

 

Yeonjun was ready.

 

He had done everything that could possibly be done to look perfect. And he was ready.

 

He was going to have his first sleepover at Soobin’s dorm.

 

When the younger had suggested it, Yeonjun squeaked and muttered an excuse to basically say no. He wasn’t ready for a ‘sleepover’.

 

But then Soobin explained he really only wanted Yeonjun to sleep at his dorm, maybe play video games or binge watch some Netflix show, then sleep. But nothing else.

 

Yeonjun spluttered and acted like he knew that, but inside he was relieved.

 

Anyways, Yeonjun was having his first sleepover at his boyfriend’s dorm.

 

When he told Beomgyu and Hyunjin the news they had the same initial reaction. Smirks and teasing giggles. But then Yeonjun explained it was a real sleepover, their reaction was different. Hyunjin laughed and gave him advices and tried to soothe him, explaining how his first sleepover with his boyfriends was.

 

Beomgyu just went into intervention mode.

 

He sent him pictures of what cute pajamas he should wear for the occasion. (Why he had pictures of Yeonjun’s pajamas, he’ll never know.). What steps of his skin care routine he should do in front of Soobin just to have an excuse to wear a cute hair band in front of him. How much he should shave. What perfume to wear. Whether he should shower at Soobin’s or not (it was a hard no, they both agreed.)

 

By the end of their three hours FaceTime right before Yeonjun had to leave for Soobin’s dorm, Yeonjun felt ready.

 

When he knocked against Soobin’s door, he still felt ready.

 

Then Soobin opened the door and Yeonjun didn’t feel ready anymore.

 

Soobin was already in his grey sweatpants, with an old oversized hoodie that Yeonjun loved. His hair which were usually a mess when he stayed more than five minutes in bed, were tied in a ponytail dangling like a palm tres at the top of his head cutely. He had yellow socks with little pineapple patterns on them.

 

Yeonjun was melting at how boyfriend-like he looked. And just his luck he was his own boyfriend.

 

“Hi?” Soobin said smiling awkwardly at how hard Yeonjun was checking him out.

 

Yeonjun couldn’t hold back, he threw his overnight bag in a random corner inside the small room and let himself in. He then closed the door and faced Soobin to press his lips against his boyfriend’s .

 

Soobin yelped in surprise at the action but eagerly responded to the kiss, his arm holding the older’s waist tightly. Yeonjun kisses him passionately and almost sloppily, tongue licking the younger’s lips softly before invading his mouth.

 

It had been five months since they started dating and Soobin was always shocked by how good Yeonjun’s kisses were. He pulled his boyfriend flushed against his own body and his arms snaked lower until his hands were resting on Yeonjun’s dimples on his back, right were his scar began.

 

Yeonjun pulled away when he felt Soobin snake his hand under his shirt and touching his scar. He smoothly took Soobin’s hand away, and smiled at him.

 

“Hello,” Yeonjun smiled.

 

“Hi,” Soobin said again, panting hard.

 

“How are you bunny?” He kissed Soobin’s neck then pulled away completely to take his overnight bag and put it Soobin’s desk chair.

 

Soobin was still flushed, panting and was still overwhelmed by the kiss and Yeonjun chuckled at his state.

 

“I’m great but now I need to lie down to recover from this.” Soobin breathed out dramatically. Yeonjun laughed out loud as Soobin threw himself on his bed face first.

 

After he finished taking his stuff out for the weekend (he was staying for one night but still wanted things to be neat and in order) he leaned to pick up his fallen spare socks. When he turned around he caught Soobin looking at his ass from his bed.

 

Soobin tried to act like he wasn’t looking by turning his head quickly towards the wall the bed was stuck to, but Yeonjun had already seen him. He laughed teasingly at Soobin for his poor attempt to hide him obviously checking him out.

 

“•Nothing•.” Soobin just squeaked out of nowhere. Yeonjun was leaning against the desk and from there he could see Soobin’s red ears, even when the younger didn’t face him.

 

“Hmm, sure, babe.” Yeonjun hummed teasingly. He took of his shoes, loving him in sockets and walked to the bed to rest m his entire body on Soobin’s.

 

Soobin groaned at Yeonjun’s weight, but the older just made himself even heavier, fully sticking to Soobin. Their bodies were completely flushed against each other, Yeonjun’s chest perfectly stuck to Soobin’s back, although he straddled the end of his back so his legs were spread on either side of Soobin’s body.

 

Yeonjun could feel the warmth that Soobin’s body was radiating, soothing him entirely.

 

“How was your day?” Yeonjun muttered, cheeks pressed against Soobin’s back.

 

“Tiring, I had two four hours lectures and a Project class. I’m just glad that the week is over. And to have you here.” Soobin shook his back to make Yeonjun wiggle. Yeonjun giggled at the action.

 

“Well, I had two lectures too then the TXT meeting. It was great, Mingi — the one with social anxiety — opened up more to us. We were all so proud of him.” He grinned at the reminder of Mingi’s shy smile.

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Soobin said in genuine enthusiasm, “it must be difficult to talk about this kind of things to so many people. Especially when his mental illness triggers with too much social interaction.” He winced.

 

Yeonjun did a small nodded, and muttered, “Yeah, he was fidgeting so much, too. We all had to avoid staring at him directly , and he could only look at Yunho anyways. I think he was worst before though. He’s here on order of his therapist, apparently. But I think it did him some good.” He smiled, as he snaked his arms around Soobin’s middle until he felt Soobin’s hand under him, pressed to his chest. Yeonjun took Soobin’s crushed hand in his own.

 

“Speaking of therapy. How are things with yours?” Soobin whispered.

 

Yeonjun hummed, and shifted a little. He dreaded that question. They didn’t really talk about his therapy sessions. Soobin completely respected that, but oftentimes he would ask questions like this, absentmindedly.

 

Taking time to answer, Soobin reassured him, “You don’t have to say anything if you want, honey. I just want to know if it’s helping you.” He muttered, and Yeonjun just knew he was pouting cutely. The thought and the words made the older smile and hug him tighter.

 

“Things are getting better. I— I see things differently and have less trouble coping with my condition. At least I think so,” he muttered unsure.

 

Soobin lowered his head to try to make small eye contact with Yeonjun who had his chin resting against his back.

 

“I know you are making progress. And anyways if you feel like you do, it must be true. You should trust yourself more baby.” Soobin reminded him gently with a small smile.

 

“... I know. I’m working on it.”

 

“I know you are and I’m so proud of you.” They smiled at each other and Yeonjun kissed the younger, right in the middle of his back, before resting his face against it again.

 

A comfortable silence invaded the room. They were just content to bask in each other’s presence. Yeonjun focused on the fast pace of Soobin’s heart as he stroke Soobin’s side with his free hand.

 

Ten silent minutes later, Soobin sighed and expressed his hunger. Yeonjun said he was too and they reluctantly got up to decide what to order.

 

Yeonjun was scrolling on his phone to see what to order, resting in between’s Soobin’s long legs, head leaned on the crook of Soobin’s neck. The older was looking at the phone while his head was nestled on Yeonjun’s shoulder.

 

After thirty minutes of bickering on what to eat and three Rock Paper Scissors game, they opted for what Soobin wanted (even though he was that close to choose what Yeonjun wanted if the older had kept on pouting) which was Sandwichs from a bakery that was a little far from Soobin’s door. Apparently they made deliveries.

 

They played Mario Kart on Soobin’s switch while they waited. It was wild.

 

They both were incredibly competitive when it came to gaming so that never turned out good. There were no boyfriends and feelings when it came to Mario Kart and they both knew it. That made things easier, too, because if only one of them took gaming _that_  seriously the other would probably have their feeling hurt from all the trash talk.

 

But when Yeonjun called Soobin an

Utter failure for coming 12th at the Bowser’s Castle course, Soobin didn’t even flinch. He simply seethed in his corner and playful asked for revenge.

 

They almost didn’t here the knock on the door as they screeched to keep each other from seeing the screen properly. When Yeonjun heard it he pressed play and stood up from in between Soobin’s legs. He glared at him, silently threatening him to dare pressing play again. Soobin just stuck his tongue at him.

 

Yeonjun got to the door and when he opened he startled as he saw a small girl with a big bag looking equally surprised. She didn’t look like she was a delivery girl, as she had normal, dirty from paint stains,clothes.

 

“Hum... Hi?” Yeonjun said uncertain.

 

“Hi, is Soobin there?” The girl smiled a big boxy shaped smile. She had red hair that were tied in two ponytails that restes on each of her shoulders. She was quite cute, Yeonjun noticed.

 

“Hum, yeah, let me get him. What’s your name?” Yeonjun asked, “Just tell him that Chuu is there to give him the final painting,” she smiled.

 

Yeonjun went on his way, Soobin was scrolling on his phone. He explained and relayed the message and Soobin’s eyes tripled in size. He scrambled on his feet and went at the door, crowding it to whisper some words, and few thank yous to Chuu. He heard the girl giggle and distinguish a lone ‘was that him’.

 

More harsh whispers and then a door closing.

 

Soobin came back with a medium sized painting that he pressed against his chest so that Yeonjun couldn’t see what it was.

 

“What was that about?” Yeonjun asked as casually as possible. He was very curious in reality.

 

Soobin smiled and blushed, “Nothing. You’ll see later.” He said cryptically before storing the painting his closet.

 

“But I wanna see now.” Yeonjun whined.

 

Soobin walked to the bed and placed himself like before, pulling a pouting Yeonjun against his chest and kissed his pout softly.

 

“Later, honey.” He smiled. Yeonjun just huffed and ignored the glaring painting he couldn’t quite see from his position.

 

***

 

Friday, 11PM

 

Yeonjun groaned from how full he was. By then he was sprawled on the small bed on his stomach , Soobin himself sprawled on the floor stroking leisurely his swollen belly. They had ate way too much, and still were digesting. Neither of them were tired because Soobin forced them to each take a can of coke to keep them awake. They wanted to enjoy their night the most because it was the first sleepover so they should make it last.

 

(The idea mostly came from Yeonjun who had a thing about Firsts but Soobin found it cute and indulged him. They both knew that Yeonjun was going home the day after around the afternoon so they had plenty of time.)

 

Yeonjun groaned more, trying to find a comfortable position while his stomach did his job.

 

“Why did we eat so much?” Yeonjun whined.

 

“I don’t know but I’ll probably won’t eat until Sunday.” Soobin groaned out.

 

They kept groaning and questioning their life decisions for a good ten minutes before Soobin sat up and chuckled at his boyfriend’s position. The older was folded in a ball, forehead pressed against the mattress and stuck in between his folded legs, back arched as his eyes were closed. He looked ridiculous, like he was having a life crisis or something.

 

He discreetly took a picture and pushed the older to sit next to him at the end of the bed. He rested his back against the wall and stroked Yeonjun’s skin if his back that was exposed where his shirt was riding up, because of the way he was folded.

 

Yeonjun just sighed and stayed silent, wiggling as if to tell Soobin to keep on his ministrations on his back. So the younger did with a small smile.

 

As he kept on running his fingers on the younger’s back, Soobin saw the beginningof the scar on Yeonjun’s back. He didn’t say anything, but he was fascinated by it, the skin around being softer and smoother because of the damaged tissue.

 

He knew that Yeonjun was insecure about it, never really showing it or wanting Soobin to see it, even though Soobin already did, from that one time at the New Years party where tipsy Yeonjun changed in front of him. They never talked about it after that, but Soobin thought it made Yeonjun even prettier somehow.

 

Lost in his head he didn’t notice that he had touched it and was now gently stroking it. At the touch, Yeonjun jolted and scrambled in a sitting position, pulling his shirt completely down with a sad frown.

 

“Please, don’t touch it!” He muttered, “I don’t want you to see it. I hate it.” Soobin looked at him in shock but the older avoided his gaze. Soobin could see him physically closing himself as he pulled his knees against his chest and withdrew at the other end of the bed.

 

Soobin just looked at him sadly and crawled to him, but Yeonjun just shrank on himself more, as if he didn’t want to be touched at all. Soobin stopped and painfully put some distance between them.

 

“Why don’t you want me to see it?”

 

“It’s ugly. I hate it.” Yeonjun whined almost childishly, still not daring looking at Soobin in the eyes.

 

“Babe, It’s not ugly at all,” Soobin retorted softly, “I like it.”

 

Yeonjun scoffed with a bitter smile, “Well, you’re a weirdo, bunny. It’s like my back has been clawed by a beast or something. It’s so ugly looking.” Yeonjun shivered, and Soobin didn’t want anything more than engulfing him in a big hug and maybe a fluffy blanket.

 

“Hyung, look at me.” Soobin asked. But the older didn’t budge, still fiddling with a thread on his shirt, a small pout adorning his face.

 

“Honey, please?” Soobin tried again. At the pleading tone, Yeonjun reluctantly looked at him. Soobin carefully approached him to cup his cheeks and the older let him, pout now protuberant.

 

“Everything about you is so, so beautiful,” He said softly, losing himself in Yeonjun’s eyes, “Your sparkling eyes are beautiful, your cute nose is beautiful, your plush really kissable lips are beautiful,” Yeonjun blushed at the comment, “your adorable, now red, ears are beautiful,” he chuckled quietly as Yeonjun pouted even more at his teasing, “your soft belly full of bread is beautiful. Everything about you is gorgeous. I want to kiss every inch of your beautiful self.” He said again, pecking slowly Yeonjun’s nose.

 

Yeonjun spluttered as his cheeks went red. Soobin always knew how to fluster him. “Whatever, but my scars on my back and thighs are ugly... You would want to kiss that?” he asked, insecurities still swimming in his puppy eyes.

 

Soobin pulled his hands away, Yeonjun almost whining at the loss of contact, and said firmly, “Turn around.”

 

Yeonjun gaped at him, but quickly recovered to squeak a “No! Are you crazy?”

 

“Turn around. I want to kiss your scar.” Soobin pressed again.

 

“You’re not going to do that! I don’t want you to see it again.” Yeonjun looked at him with wide eyes. Yet Soobin kept his determined look.“I’m not kissing you until I get to kiss your _gorgeous_  scar.” He folded his arms against chest and looked at blushing Yeonjun pointedly.

 

“Are you being serious, right now?” Yeonjun spluttered.

 

“Yes. Turn around.” He said stubbornly. Yeonjun looked at him in shock and didn’t move. So Soobin tried a new strategy, “Think about it, though. If I see your scar once and for all, maybe you’ll be more comfortable with the idea of it. Because I think it’s beautiful, and I know best.” Soobin huffed. Yeonjun rolled his eyes at his unconvincing argument, but then sighed.

 

Seeing that Soobin really wouldn’t budge he huffed loudly and muttered a “make some room, please.”

 

Soobin’s eyes widened and did as he was told, waiting on the edge of the bed as Yeonjun rested on his stomach.

 

He was lying still, red face hidden in one of the pillows, “Go ahead.” He commanded.

 

So, Soobin did. He carefully sat on Yeonjun’s thighs, straddling them after asking permission. He made sure not to touch anything other than his back, not wanting to make the older more uncomfortable.

 

“I’m going to raise your shirt, now” he said softly. Yeonjun nodded against the pillow, never showing his face.

 

Soobin proceeded to slowly raise the soft grey shirt. He took the end and with both of his hand he pulled it until it bunched up at the end of the Yeonjun’s shoulder.

 

Soobin could feel himself growing red, and his hands started to sweat profusely. He cursed.

 

Yeonjun jolted and started whining a “I told you,” but Soobin hushed him quickly to reassure him, “No, honey, it’s just that my hands are... sweating, I didn’t even look at your back yet.” After he made sure that Yeonjun was okay again, he quickly got a tissue on his nightstand and tried to wipe off the damage, even though he knew it was little bit useless.

 

When he was done he huffed and finally admired his boyfriend’s back.

 

He knew he was right.

 

“Beautiful,” he muttered unconsciously.

 

At the words that escaped he saw the beginning of Yeonjun’s back started to grow red, from his neck down to the middle of his back, where the scar started. Soobin awed at the pretty pink flush and couldn’t help but graze it softly.

 

“I knew you were blushing on your neck when you were really flustered, but I never knew it reached your back, too.” Soobin murmured quietly. He slowly leaned to kissed both of Yeonjun’s shoulder blades, and he ignored the way Yeonjun’s squirmed at the contact. He flushed even redder and Soobin was already mesmerized.

 

“I didn’t know either.”

 

“Well, there goes something else about you that is beautiful, huh.” Soobin said still in aw at how pretty it was.

 

His gaze finally rested on the scar. It was medium sized and started at the middle of Yeonjun’s back and crossed Yeonjun’s spine and his dimples until it stopped right at the beginning of Yeonjun’s butt. It was red and contrasted with the expense of Yeonjun’s smooth white creamy back. The skin around it was red from the blush and looked smooth before it mounted to create the bump of the scar. It took Soobin’s breathe away.

 

“Wow... Your scar...” he just said.

 

“What?” Yeonjun said, his voice laced with insecurities.

 

“It’s so... breathtaking.”

 

Yeonjun squirmed a little more but Soobin held his hips gently. 

 

“Stop. It’s ugly.”

 

“I want to kiss it. I’m going to kiss it.” Soobin said to himself, not listening to the quiet whines that his boyfriend let out.

 

He then leaned almost too slowly, until he felt the heat that Yeonjun’s back radiated, he then breathe a little before pressing his lips to the middle of his back, where the scar began. He felt the other shiver and inhale quietly, the gesture way more intimate that what he had imagined.

 

At the reaction, Soobin kept going, kissing each inch of Yeonjun’s scar, and whispering sweet words in between each of them. He made sure to press his lips for a full second at each kiss until he felt Yeonjun exhale, just so that his boyfriend knew he was enjoying it.

 

He could see the flush slowly spreading on his whole back, as Soobin leisurely kissed the smooth skin of the scar. At one of the kisses Soobin pressed a little a bit more firmly, his nose and lashes touching Yeonjun’s back. He felt Yeonjun sighing softly, making Soobin want to do much more. He decided to tease him and open his mouth a little as he kissed the same spot again, his wet tongue barely peaking out to lick it, in the process.

 

Yeonjun didn’t expect that and squirmed a little bit more agitatedly before whining. But Soobin chuckled and whispered an apology.

 

(He wasn’t really sorry.)

 

He kept on like that, taking his time on the dimples. He knew how much Yeonjun loved his dimples, so he made sure to give the love back by kissing each of the dimples on his back twice, lowering Yeonjun’s belt and bixer a little bit to access them. Yeonjun squealed out a “Soobin,” but the younger ignored him.

 

Finally he reached the end of the scar and kissed it one last time before murmuring a “Gorgeous.”

 

He didn’t leaned back immediately, he stayed there for a moment, trying to calm himself a little. He could hear Yeonjun panting quietly, shivering and Soobin saw goosebumps rising on the expense of his back. He didn’t comment on it.

 

When he finally leanend back he cleared his throat and looked at Yeonjun’s flushed out back one last time, before running his hand through his side softly and once he was done, he pulled the shirt back.

 

After some time he took to get his mind out of that Yeonjun’s filled haze he sighed and got up from Yeonjun’s thighs. Yeonjun remained unmoving but Soobin still saw how red he was. He quietly pushed his boyfriend until he had enough room to lie down next to him. He pulled Yeonjun against his chest and when the older settled he closed his eyes.

 

He really just had done that.

 

No one said anything. Processing the intimate moment they just shared.

 

Five minutes later Yeonjun finally raised his head, his hair somehow disheveled, cheeks and neck flushed and lips a little swollen from all the biting. He was so cute, Soobin wanted to cry.

 

“That felt so... Thank you.” Yeonjun whispered, not being able to word how... loved he felt properly.

 

Soobin took him in a slow, passionate kiss and Yeonjun responded immediately.

 

Soobin pulled away, eyes still closed at he panted, “And I confirm my previous statement, every inch of you is beautiful,” He felt Yeonjun’s lashes fanning his cheek as his eyes opened. When he opened his own and met Yeonjun’s constellation like eyes.

 

For some time, they only looked at each other, panting in each other’s mouth, until, despite himself, Yeonjun breathed out, “I’m so in love with you.”

 

Soobin swore his heart stopped for a few seconds.

 

He knew he looked surprised, his eyes widening at the confession as it was the first time either one of them said it. He took Yeonjun’s hand and pulled him closer until he was resting fully in him, legs tangled.

 

“I’m in love with you too, Junnie.” He whispered.

 

It was the last thing they said to each other before they kissed each other for hours on end.

 

***

 

Yeonjun woke up because of the sun light directly shined on his eyes as it seeped through Soobin’s curtains.

 

He winced and graoned quietly. When he opened his eyes he looked at the messy room, his clothes scattered on the floor.

 

Right, he was in Soobin’s room. 

 

He frowned at the sun light still bothering him, but when he tried to turn around he felt an arm keeping him from moving. That’s when he noticed the warmth he felt on his back as he was pressed flush against Soobin’s front. He felt the younger’s breath on his neck, as he pulled Yeonjun even closer when he tried to move. Yeonjun just smiled fondly at the night they just shared.

 

 

No, they hadn’t had sex.

 

Yeonjun was ready to do it, to be honest. But Soobin stopped him before Yeonjun hands reached ‘under the belt’.

 

After they had confessed to each other, they kissed passionately, but so, so slowly and deeply that they ended up losing both of their shirts, Yeonjun taking off his pants in the momentum.It was when he tried to reach for Soobin’s sweatpants while living on hickies on his chest and neck, that the younger breathed out a ‘Stop’.

 

Yeonjun stopped immediately and looked at him in worry, but Soobin just explained that he wanted to wait a bit more. That they just had said I love you and that they should wait before taking this big step. That it was their virginity and maybe they shouldn’t do it on a whim like that.

 

Yeonjun completely understood, and respected his decision. Then he had said I love you again and Soobin was lost in him, Yeonjun looking utterly destroyed with his plush lips glistening, his face red from the heat of the moment and his neck littered in love bites. Soobin was still in an aroused haze, so much that, before they knew it, they started making out again.

 

They did it for some time until it felt uncomfortably tight in his own sweatpants, and when he saw that Yeonjun had a growing stain on his boxer, Soobin stopped for real. ‘Because if they kept going, he wouldn’t be able to control himself’. Yeonjun just nodded dumbly, still in daze, and they had (reluctantly, painfully) pulled away.

 

Later on, the older excused himself to the bathroom to take care of his business, and the sight of Yeonjun’s hard shape under his boxer was enough to make Soobin finish ridiculously fast.

 

Well, that and Yeonjun’s quiet moans in the bathroom.

 

 

It was... intense.

 

Once they both cleaned themselves up, Yeonjun came back in his soft pajamas, and they cuddled for a good thirty minutes.

 

Then, they spent the rest of the night watching netflix and chilling by eating snacks. They were asleep, cuddling, by 4AM.

 

Yeonjun turned around to face Soobin, who was so  _adorable_ when he slept, his cheek squished against the pillow and lips pouting. Yeonjun could see the love bites he had left on the younger’s neck and he really hope he had concealer for these. He nuzzled Soobin’s nose before kissing the younger’s forehead. He still faintly smelled like peppermint and cinnamon, and Yeonjun was so _in love that_ it hurt.

 

At the soft movement he saw Soobin steering awake, the younger frowned for a few seconds, before opening his eyes and blinking at Yeonjun.

 

Yeonjun was just looking at him with a small fond smile, and Soobin blinked again before smiling back. Yeonjun reached his cheeks and poked his dimples. Soobin’s nose scrunched at the action and Yeonjun cooed at him.

 

“Hi, Love.” Yeonjun whispered, “Did you sleep well?”

 

Soobin blinked again, not completely awake yet and pulled Yeonjun in a short, sweet kiss, that the older hummed in, his fingers running through the younger’s disheveled hair.

 

“I slept great,” Soobin said in the deepest voice that startled Yeonjun. It was kind of hot.

 

“Good,” Yeonjun whispered back.

 

They basked in each other’s presence for a while, in the most comfortable silence. Yeonjun reached behind him to take his phone and see the time. It was 12AM.

 

Yeonjun was happy that they slept for eight hours, knowing that Soobin sometimes had trouble sleeping.

 

“You slept eight hours!” Yeonjun whispered excitedly.

 

Soobin hummed, “It’s because you were there. You’re like a huge teddy bear great to cuddle with.” Yeonjun chuckled.

 

They stayed in silence a little longer before the older remembered.

 

“Bunny?”

 

“Humm?”

 

“Can I see the painting, now?” Yeonjun asked cutely.

 

That woke Soobin right up. He yawned and pulled away a little from Yeonjun that was sitting up looking at him with puppy eyes. “Please,” He pouted.

 

Soobin’s eyes swept over the marks on Yeonjun’s neck and behind his ear. He blushed a little at the memory of last night but didn’t say anything about it.

 

“Yes, just let me get it.” He stretched and got up the bed, climbed over Yeonjun that was fully sitting up under the cover.

 

He took out the painting and pressed it against his chest.

 

“Okay, so, hum,” Soobin began nervously, “I know you love to decorate your room, with like pictures of people that you love. So I thought that you would like something else. I— I don’t usually paint people, but I just, I don’t know you’re like a muse or something?” They both blushed at the words, “I— I’m not sure if you’ll like it or not but—“

 

“Bunny, show me.” Yeonjun said giddily.

 

“Hum... Okay.” He sat on the bed next to Yeonjun’s legs, and showed the painting.

 

Yeonjun was speechless.

 

It was a small painting of the two of them. It was actually a recreation of a selfie they had taken together on one of their dates at the planetarium. Soobin had had the idea to go there because he always thought of stars when he looked at Yeonjun’s eyes. The younger felt the exact same so he was beyond excited. Thing is they both realized they knew nothing about stars and astronomy. So they ended up creating silly names for constellations and stars and inventing stupid and funny backstories for them. It turned out to be one of the best dates they had ever had.

 

They had taken the selfie at an angle to show the stars projected on the ceiling of the planetarium. It was silly but Yeonjun liked it so much. The painting, though, was just beautiful. So realistic and cute, especially the little neon yellow and pink designs he added to the original photos, bunny years of Soobin and cat years for Yeonjun.

 

Yeonjun was tearing up at the thoughtful gift.

 

“Oh, Soobin... I love it.” He looked at a Soobin who sighed in relief. Yeonjun carefully put the painting away and pulled Soobin in a big hug, peppering kisses all over his face.

 

Yeonjun truly loved him

 

 

 

 

 

 

———

 

**Yeonjun’s First Panic Attack in Front of Soobin.**

 

He was exhausted.

 

Yeonjun had spent the entire day running around, like Wednesday. He had to go to his classes then study four hours at the library before running to the shelter he volunteered at. Usually he loved the time at the shelter because he adored animals but this time after cleaning 20 litters, Yeonjun just wanted to go home, shower and sleep. Unfortunately he also had therapy, that day.

 

Normally he had it on Thursdays but he had to meet his study group at the same time on that Thursday so he moved the session to Wednesday. This specific session, were bittersweet to him. Talking was relieving but also exhausting, stress piling up on his shoulder.

 

When he left the therapist he felt tense, sticky and overall in a sour mood.

 

Fortunately he would meet Soobin at his house to spend the evening together, and he knew he never felt more relax than with Soobin.

 

He walked back to his home, taking the shortcut, by the alley of a small coffeehouse, he knew by heart now. He passed by the familiar nice coffeehouse he liked to order occasional hot chocolate in, when he heard a “Hey!”

 

Yeonjun slowly turned around and saw a figure under a lamp post next to the door that probably led to the kitchen on the coffeehouse.

 

He cleared his throat and reluctantly stopped, then the figure moved and even if the sun was about to set, he could see that it was a young man.

 

“Hey, how are you, Yeonjun?” The guy said with a cheerful tone. Yeonjun gulped quietly.

 

“Hum, hi...” he answered cautiously because to be honest he had no idea who that was. By the attire he had, he must have been one of the staffs of the coffee shop. But, Yeonjun always took his chocolate in the morning when he was late, so he never hd the time to register features for the baristas that worked there. He always made sure to smile and everything but that was it, and his brain couldn’t function until he had his dose of chocolate, anyways. And right now he was also way too tired to even think about who that person, who seemed to know him, was.

 

“... I’m fine, hum...” He fidgeted on his feet, the other guy still smiled but Yeonjun could see that it was slowly fading.

 

“... Gunho.” The guy finished for him after painfully long seconds of Yeonjun stuttering a name he didn’t even know.

 

“Yes, I’m so sorry,” Yeonjun muttered, “I just—“

 

“Do you seriously not remember me?” Gunho frowned, he looked more and more annoyed by the second. Yeonjun didn’t know what to do and he was just not ready to deal with other people’s mood when his was already spoiled.

 

“I’ve literally served you a hundred hot cocoa and you can’t even remember me. I hate people like that.” The barista scoffed rudely, and Yeonjun honestly felt attacked. Who was this guy, anyways. Why was he getting offended so fast?

 

“Listen, dude, I’m really sorry for not remembering.” Yeonjun hated the fact that he felt like he had to justify himself, “I have a thing that makes me forget faces, and I’m always in a rush in the morning—“

 

Gunho scoffed, his menacing presence getting closer to Yeonjun, which made him a little nervous, “Don’t try to come up with lies, you asshole, I cannot believe you would mislead me like that. I even gave you my number and you still ignored me!”

 

Then suddenly Yeonjun remembered Hyunjin, few weeks ago, teasing him about a number scribbled on his cup, and Yeonjun completely ignoring him, because he had a boyfriend and he was too tired to answer, anyways.

 

“... hum,” Yeonjun didn’t even know what to say, he was just shocked by this guy’s reaction. But with the prolonged silence, Gunho loomed towards him, and Yeonjun felt a sense of dread as he progressively got cornered between the wall of the coffeehouse and Gunho’s imposingly threatening body.

 

“Listen, I’m sorry, I never paid attention to a number on my cup, I...” Yeonjun tried to explain but he felt his chest constrict when his back hit the wall and the guy was growing red from anger. He felt his breath getting ragged and he tried to breathe properly but the guy was too much in his space, making him almost claustrophobic.

 

“Don’t try to find excuse, you son of a bitch. I hate lying assholes like you that think they can flirt shamelessly and then act innocent when they’re being confronted about it.” Gunho gritted, but Yeonjuj could barely hear him. He was too focused on not trying to have a panic attack right here, in this now dark alley where no one could help him. He hated how fast he would fall in those moments of overwhelming anxiety.

 

“I— I’m sorry, just please, could you give me so—some space? Please.” He croaked as he felt tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. But the taller guy didn’t seem to sense the situation and got closer until they were inches apart. Yeonjun’s knees wobbled as he closed his eyes and tried to breathe properly, he turned his head to not face the man.

 

“Shut up, you little bitch.” Gunho spat, the volume of his insult making Yeonjun flinched, a whimper escaping him. He felt his chest constricting even thighter, tears escaping his eyes. Gunho suddenly gripped his arm firmly, and Yeonjun was going to faint.

 

“I should shut you up right no—“

 

“Hey! Stop what you’re doing!” Yeonjun’s eyes opened widely to see two police officers standing at the end of the street. Gunho sweared and started running away, one of the police men running after him. Yeonjun felt his knees give in under his weight and he slid on the wall until he was sitting. He panted and tried to calm himself.

 

He heard the policewoman running to him, asking him if he was okay, but Yeonjun couldn’t answer, too busy chocking on his breath, all noise around him were drowned like white noise and he could barely see because of all the tears. He felt his ears ringing, and his hands were constricted in fist, so tight that his nails drew blood on his palm.

 

“Hey, hey listen to me. Can you hear me?” The policewoman said calmly. Yeonjun gulped and kept on breathing rapidly, his panting echoing in the dark alley. He managed to nod.

 

“You’re having a panic attack, you need to calm down, sweetie.” The policewoman explained as if he was a child, or something.

 

He nodded again and suddenly he felt something. Like he couldn’t breathe at all for few seconds, he started chocking a little and quite literally seeing stars. The policewoman held him to try to make him relax and she forcefully pulled his knees away from his front, to put him in a position where he could let the air in and out more easily.

 

He kept on panting painfully, until he heard a lone, “Yeonjun hyung.”

 

It was his voice.

 

Yeonjun, for the first time raised his gaze, still breathing heavily, his eyes meeting two worried orbs looking at him so, so sadly.

 

“Soobin?” Yeonjun choked out.

 

“Oh my god, Junnie,” his boyfriend whimpered, he then turned to the policewoman “He’s my boyfriend, what happened?”

 

“We found him being threatened by another young man, clearly using his strength to hold him down and potentially assault him. My partner took care of the assaulter. But he’s having a panic attack.” Soobin was barely listening to her as he took one of Yeonjun’s hand in his, despite the blood on them, he carefully took Yeonjun’s face in the other and locked their gazes.

 

“Okay baby, I’m going to need you to breathe in and out with me. Can you do that for me?” Yeonjun nodded, still having trouble letting air in, but Soobin’s presence already had effects on him.

 

Slowly, Soobin started counting, doing breathing exercises to guide Yeonjun who was trying to follow. In between them Soobin whispered words of encouragement with a small smile. Yeonjun focused on his voice and slowly (a little painfully) he started to breathe normally again. His chest was still constricted at the shock of what could have happened if those police officers didn’t come, but he put that at the back of his mind.

 

“You’re doing amazing, honey. In... and Out...” Soobin said softly. He took Yeonjun’s face to wipe his tears away, and when Yeonjun was finally calming down properly, Soobin kissed his forehead quickly.

 

“You’re okay, now. I’m here.” Soobin whispered. Yeonjun just nodded and leaned his cheek even more on the younger’s hand, the familiar moist sensation soothing him, somehow.

 

After five more minutes, Yeonjun was just sniffing, breath completely back to normal. Soobin sat next to him, and Yeonjun just rested his head on the taller’s shoulder.

 

The policewoman had left to communicate with her partner and came back with a small smile.

 

“They caught the guy who assaulted you. They took him to police station, apparently it wasn’t the first time he did something like this. Other people reported him but somehow there were no follow up.” She hummed at the two boys, “Well, he won’t be a problem anymore. You are safe, now.”

 

Soobin thanked her and Yeonjun was too exhausted to speak, but he hummed and gave her a small smile that she gave back, “We’ll just take a little bit more of your time, so you can report what happened, then you guys can go home. Okay?” She explained softly. Soobin nodded and thanked her again, but all he could do is looking at Yeonjun in worry.

 

***

 

“It’s like he’s cursed or something.” Taehyung muttered at Soobin. The younger just nodded sadly, sniffing quietly. He had walked them home, Yeonjun too tired to even walk, but Soobin pushed through and carried him on his back.

 

Now, Yeonjun was sleeping in his bed where Soobin had tucked him in. When they saw the state Yeonjun was in, Taehyung and Jimin (who practically lived there by this point) rushed to Soobin completely worried. After they helped Soobin up the stairs, the younger explained what had happened. He, himself didn’t know the details exactly, just that Yeonjun had had a panic attack because some asshole had assaulted him, and that he found him right on the verge of passing out. The image of Yeonjun panting painfully would always be ingrained into his brain. He had never seen Yeonjun in such a state, even when he got assaulted on the day they met. It really shook Soobin.

 

“I’m just glad he’s okay.” He whispered, still looking at Yeonjun’s peaceful sleeping figure. He didn’t even want to leave his side for a second. Soobin would sleep over if he had to, not wanting Yeonjun to panic when he woke up, alone, which he probably would.

 

Jimin nodded at Soobin’s words, and sighed, “What can we do to help him, though? It’s not like we can stop people from being asshole, or keep him from going out at night or something...”

 

Soobin and Taehyung nodded but they all remained silent. They didn’t know what they could do. Taehyung suggested a tracking app, but Jimin dismissed the idea softly saying that it wouldn’t help, the other’s shoulder slumping at the rejection.

 

Soobin thought about it and muttered, “Maybe an app to signal people when something is wrong. My family all use one now, especially my sisters.” He looked at his hyngs, “It works, there’s even a button to alert the police and send the location. That way he could have the option and not be as scared, even if he has a panic attack.”

 

Taehyung and Jimin nodded at the idea, spark of interest noticeable. “That could work. We’ll talk about it tomorrow with him.” Jimin said calmly.

 

“You should eat something and sleep Soobin, you look pale.” Taehyung said in worry. Soobin’s eyes left Yeonjun’s face for the first time since he rested him on the bed. Soobin smiled at him softly, Taehyung smiling back sadly.

 

Since that first meet, Taehyung made remarkable efforts to open up to his brother’s boyfriend. Soobin spent a lot of time at their home, sometimes even when Yeonjun wasn’t there and even if Taehyung had his walls up at the beginning he couldn’t help but grew fond of Soobin. He trusted him with Yeonjun and that was what mattered the most. Despite the fact that he still was reluctant to let him sleepover, and when he agreed, him and Yeonjun couldn’t sleep in the same bed and had to leave the door open.

 

That’s why Soobin felt a prickling feeling at the idea of going back to his dorm to sleep. He didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to stay with his boyfriend.

 

Maybe Taehyung could read mind because he softly said, “You can stay the night, we’ll bring you guys something to eat for when Yeonjun wakes up.”

 

Jimin squeezed his boyfriend’s shoulder, smile reassuringly, and said something about going to the kitchen and cook something up. Taehyung kissed his hand muttering a ‘I’ll be right back’ before looking at Soobin again.

 

He stood up from his sit on the end of Yeonjun’s bed. Soobin was next to Yeonjun sitting up against the head of the bed, Yeonjun had stirred and folded himself to rest his head on the younger’s lap. Soobin was playing with his hair gently and sighed.

 

“Well, I’m going to help Jimin.” Taehyung sighed, and paused, staring at the young couple for few seconds, “... I know I don’t say it enough but thank you so much for being here for him, Soobin. For protecting him.” Taehyung said heavily.

 

Soobin bit his lower lip nervously, he felt tears pooling in his eyes, “I couldn’t protect him tonight, though.” He whispered hoarsely.

 

“You won’t be able to always save him, but that won’t change the fact that he feels safe with you. Actually, I think he never felt that safe with anyone since his accident.” Taehyung answered softly.

 

Soobin sniffed, a single tear rolling down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly. He still felt warmth invading him at the reassuring words.

 

“He makes me feel safe, too.” Soobin find himself saying, “But I don’t ever want to see him like this. It was so...”

 

“... So scary, huh?” Taehyung chuckled bitterly, “Yeah, it’s the most frightening thing.” He pressed his lips in a thin line.

 

“Anyways, now he’s safe and.... You should stay the night, Soobin.” Taehyung said decisively. “And you can sleep in his bed.”

 

Soobin’s eyes snapped at him, “Are you sure, hyung?” Although he didn’t think he could get away from Yeonjun’s hold even he wanted to. The older was holding him so, so tightly.

 

Taehyung saw it too and chuckled a little, “Yes, I’m sure. He needs you, right now.”

 

Soobin nodded fast and looked at his boyfriend’s soft, angel-like face. He was breathtaking when he was sleeping, even with his prominent eyes circles that showed how tired he was.

 

“Thank you, hyung.” He finally said.

 

Taehyung left the room and Soobin slid down under the cover to properly cuddle his sleeping beauty.

 

 

When Jimin came back with the food and he found the two young men sleeping soundly, holding each other so, so tightly, he just cooed and closed the door quietly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

———

 

**The First Time.**

 

“Okay, calm the hell down. What’s going on?”

 

But Yeonjun couldn’t calm the hell down because he was freaking out.

 

At the moment, he was in Soobin’s bathroom, trying not to break a sweat, so he called Beomgyu so that he could panic with him, but Beomgyu wasn’t listening.

 

“Listen to what I’m saying, Choi Beomgyu! I’m freaking out, right now!” Yeonjun hissed.

 

“What the fuck happened? Where are you? Are you in a bathroom?”Beomgyu squirmed to look behind Yeonjun’s figure in the small screen, as if he could see anything when he was miles away.

 

“I’m in Soobin’s bathroom. I decided to surprise him and all, and spend the night with him, since I know that he’s been stressed lately with his art final project. So, yeah, I took the spare key he gave to me and let myself in. But what do I see on his desk? What is the first thing I see when I come in?” Yeonjun screeched. Beomgyu was just looking at him sternly because of his dramatic antics.

 

“What was it?” Beomgyu sighed.

 

Yeonjun gulped and he saw his red growing red in the mirror’s reflection.

 

“It was a bottle of lube and condoms, Beomgyu,” he whispered dramatically.

 

That got a reaction out of Beomgyu, who’s eyes widened, “...What?”

 

“XL sized condoms and cherry flavored lube.” Yeonjun breathed out.

 

“Oh, my man Soobs, a man of taste.

 

“ _Shut up!_ I’m freaking out, calm me down.” Yeonjun commanded, he was panting at this point, he didn’t even  know why he was reacting like that.

 

“Yeonjun, I don’t understand. Last time I checked, you were the one who wanted to have sex with  him and he stopped you!” Beomgyu pointed out, “Well, now he’s ready. He’s _extra largely_ ready,” Yeonjun sneered at the joke and Beomgyu just chuckled.

 

“I know... I know. But, last time we were half naked, we had just said I love you to each other and I was so in love and so horny. Like he had just worshipped my back scar, for fuck’s sake... But now, I just— now that I’m... not in the momentum, I’m a little scared.” Yeonjun whimpered and Beomgyu cooed, “What— How does it work? Who does what? Who tops? I never played with myself more than jerking off, but what if Soobin wants me to bottom because he feels more confortable with that? What if it hurts and I can’t walk tomorrow, _because XL?_  What if I finish too fast and it’s awkward? What if—“

 

“Dude, relax!” Beomgyu screeched.

 

“HOW CAN I RELAX WHEN MY ASS IS GONNA BLEED IN FEW HOURS?!”

 

“YEONJUN, SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!” Beomgyu barked loudly.

 

Yeonjun did has told immediately.

 

“Okay,” the younger sighed, “I can’t answer most of those questions because it’s really up to Soobin and you. You need to have a discussion before jumping into anything. That’s what Taehyun and I did, at least.” He said calmly, Yeonjun just nodded frantically, drinking any word of advice.

 

“But, from what I know, in the case that Soobin tops, well, you’ll need to make sure you’re stretched enough because it’s gonna hurt like a bitch.” Yeonjun gulped, “but I’m sure that Soobin will be so gentle with you that even if it hurts, it will still be a good experience.” Beomgyu said confidently.

 

Yeonjun nodded dumbly and repeated them in his mind until he was a little more convince.

 

“To be fair, I really think it’ll go well, because Soobin is like whipped for you, he turns into goo every time you look at him. It’s disgusting but kind of adorable, not gonna lie.” Beomgyu scrunched his nose in faux disgust and Yeonjun tsked at him, but relaxed a little bit more.

 

“You’re the one to talk, huh. How’s your starlight?” Yeonjun teased him, his impeding doom put in the back of him mind because nothing was more important than messing with Beomgyu.

 

“My starlight is great. And he says cordially fuck you.”

 

“Why you—“

 

Yeonjun couldn’t finish his words because he heard the door of Soobin’s dorm opened. Soobin was there. Beomgyu noticed Yeonjun’s eyes growing and whispered “He’s here. You go get that ass Yeonjun! You got this! You better call me to tell me everything after. Hwaiting!” Beomgyu raised his fist in encouragement. Then he hung up before Yeonjun could say anything back.

 

“Is anyone there?” He heard a voice say.

 

Yeonjun sighed and slowly opened the door to peek his head out. Soobin startled, he had a bat in his hands, ready to attack, but when he saw Yeonjun he dropped it and smiled, tense shoulders slumping.

 

“Babe? What are you doing here?” Soobin took Yeonjun’s waist and hugged him. The older let him.

 

“I know you had a stressful week so I came to surprise you. To spend the weekend together.” Yeonjun explained, breathing the younger’s relaxing, sweet, smell. Any nerves leftover disappeared when the younger started petting his hair softly.

 

“That’s the best surprise ever.” Soobin said excitedly even though he was still gently stroking the older’s hair, “I missed you.” He muttered.

 

“I missed you, too” they hadn’t seen each other in four days, and although it seemed like nothing, it was a long time for both of them.

 

After few seconds of just hugging silently Soobin let Yeonjun go, to kiss his nose and then pulling away.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Soobin said dancing sillily for few seconds. Yeonjun chuckled at how ridiculous he was.

 

He adored him.

 

Yeonjun sat on the bed and started playing with Soobin’s plushies while the younger cleaned his room a little bit. That’s when Soobin finally noticed the bottle of lube and condom he had left on his desk missing. Soobin looked quickly behind his back to look at his boyfriend, but Yeonjun was still playing absentmindedly with the bunny plushie, completely clueless.

 

Soobin cleared his throat trying not to panic at the idea that Yeonjun saw the items he had bought on a whim, after a date that had ended in a heated make out session in front of Yeonjun’s home. Unfortunately, Jimin interrupted them by opening the door with a knowing smile. Yeonjun had to say goodbye reluctantly and before going he kissed his neck on one of the old healing love bites that he had left before. That left Soobin messed up.

 

So he bought the condom and lube, just in case this kind of event happened again and it went further. He didn’t talk about it with Yeonjun because to be honest he was a little embarrassed. He was the one that had stopped them the last time, so now he was shy about talking it out. So, he just left them on his table and never put them away because it was just him in his room. His roommate was never there, anyways.

 

Now, the bottle and the condoms had disappeared from the spot he had left them. Which meant that Yeonjun had seen them and moved them somewhere and now he had to talk about it, because the uncomfortable feeling wouldn’t leave until he did.

 

“Hum, babe?” Soobin started hesitantly.

 

“Yeah bunny?” Yeonjun muttered. He looked at Soobin tensed stance and realized that he hadn’t put the condom and lube back in place and Soobin was still looking at the spot where they used to be.

 

“Hum... You—“

 

“I saw the... things.” Yeonjun cut him.

 

 

 

“Oh.”

 

 

“Yeah.”

 

 

“I really didn’t want you to find out like that, I’m so sorry.” Soobin looked so nervous, Yeonjun didn’t understand why.

 

Suddenly, Yeonjun realized that Soobin was quite literally a puppy, and that if a first time was freaking Yeonjun out, it probably must had terrified Soobin, at some point.

 

“Don’t apologize. Come here, bunny.” Yeonjun put the plushy away and made grabby hands towards his blushing boyfriend.

 

Soobin flew in Yeonjun’s arms and the older groaned at the younger’s weight. After, he composed himself and Soobin shuffled into a comfortable position in between’s Yeonjun’s legs, Yeonjun put his arms aroung the younger’s middle, his head resting on Yeonjun’s chest.

 

“So... You‘re ready to have sex.” Yeonjun put it bluntly. They both blushed and Soobin squirmed.

 

“Huh, yeah... Don’t you want to?”

 

Yeonjun spluttered, “Of course I want, too! You’re like, all I’m thinking about every time I’m—-“ he stopped himself before he said something embarrassing but Soobin already caught it. The younger shuffled even more to turn around and face Yeonjun, laughing embarrassingly at the thought.

 

“Gosh, why is this so awkward...” Yeonjun pouted and rested his chin on the younger’s head.

 

“I don’t know... It’s both of our first time. I know I’m super nervous because I want it to go so well.” Soobin muttered shyly, hiding his face in Yeonjun’s neck.

 

“I want it to go well, too. So maybe we should talk about it.” Yeonjun said in Soobin’s hair. The younger nodded against his neck, ears still flushed red. Yeonjun didn’t know where ‘body worshiping Soobin’ went. He sure wasn’t embarrassed of living Yeonjun in a whimpering mess that time.

 

Soobin recovered, to face Yeonjun, still having his face resting on his chest, even if they’re lying down on the bed, cuddling.

 

“So...” Yeonjun started.

 

“So... How do you want it?” Soobin asked straightforward.

 

Yeonjun spluttered, “How do I want what exactly?”

 

“Do you want me to... Do the digging? Or do you not feel comfortable being in this position?” Yeonjun’s nose scrunched at the image but at the sight of Soobin’s red cheeks he chuckled.

 

“Well, I thought about it and my size isn’t... XL. So that’s pretty much settled isn’t it?” Yeonjun teased him boldly.

 

Soobin whined and his face got even redder as he hid it in Yeonjun’s neck again. Yeonjun just kissed leisurely Soobin’s neck that was exposed, his hand slowly running through the sliver of skin showing on his back, where his sweater rode up.

 

Soobin exhaled and went lax at the ministrations, letting Yeonjun do what he wanted. Yeonjun kept kissing the younger’s neck, taking his time peppering the kisses from the end of his shoulder to the back of his ears. He used his other hand to run it through the younger’s spine, slowly lifting his shirt up. He felt the younger’s breath on his neck quicken, and his lashes fanning until they shut. Yeonjun closed his own eyes.

 

“S-So... W-We should talk about— ah— logistic, maybe...” Soobin breathed out against Yeonjun’s neck, and the older shivered at the feeling of the hot breath. Soon, Soobin started kissing his neck, too, before slowly going up until he had his mouth agaisnt his ear, sucking on the shell.

 

Yeonjun trembled even more.

 

“Well, I think that instead of talking. May—Maybe we should act and— see where it leads us...” Yeonjun said without thinking. The way that Soobin sucked a bruise on the back of his ear was too much for him to think about logistics.

 

Soobin gathered his legs and withdrew, ignoring Yeonjun’s complaints and sat on Yeonjun’s lap to straddle him properly.

 

When their eyes met, they didn’t move right away, just looking at each other. They both had a hungry look, wanting so much more. Yeonjun ran his hands under Soobin’s shirt, until the younger shivered and breathed out the smallest moan. It had a big effect on Yeonjun, though. The older gasped and took Soobin in a passionate kiss. Their lips molded into each other in a fast, almost desperately rushed pace, impatience running through the air.

 

When Yeonjun’s tongue peaked out to lick through Soobin’s lips, the younger moaned quietly, sending electricity through Yeonjun’s spine until it reached his hands that started frantically gripping Soobin’s waist.

 

Soon, he pulled away from the younger to take off his shirt, Soobin raising his arms to help him doing it faster. After they did the same with Yeonjun’s they paused to contemplate each other again.

 

Yeonjun had already seen Soobin’s chest before but he was always mesmerized by the moles that spread through the expense, almost like a constellation. He found them so gorgeous.

 

Soobin blushed at the staring and whined. Yeonjun just chuckled, and embraced him to position them so they were now lying down on the bed instead on sitting. The younger squealed at the way he was manhandled, before laughing a little at the cheeky look Yeonjun gave him.

 

Soobin started kissing Yeonjun’s neck again, thighs straddling Yeonjun’s hips, where their crotch met for the first time, eliciting quiet gasps from the both of them. The taller started grinding slowly against Yeonjun who moaned at the action. He ran his hands through the younger’s hair, whining at the way Soobin bit his neck in an insufferable yet so, so, pleasurable way. His hands slowly went down until they met Soobin’s smooth skin. He kept stroking his back until, in his arousal, his hands reached Soobin’s ass that he squeezed softly.

 

Soobin whined at the ministration, but did not lose his focus on meeting their hard ons in a deep, slow pace. Yeonjun squeezed Soobin’s ass again and the younger whined so hard that they both felt Yeonjun’s hard on twitch in interest.

 

Soon, they both had took their pants and were now grinding against each other in the most intense way they’ve ever experienced before. Yeonjun was now underneath Soobin, as the younger switched them swiftly to Yeonjun’s grand pleasure.

 

“Babe— ah... Touch me, pl—please.” Yeonjun pleaded quietly. Soobin hummed and left a last kiss on Yeonjun’s lips before going down the older’s body, leaving a trail of kisses in the process. He stopped for some time to focus on Yeonjun’s sensitive nubs, lapping and bitting each of them until it was red and hard. By that point Yeonjun was a moaning mess, his cock leaking precum to the point it left a stain on his boxers.

 

“You’re so gorgeous, hyung.” Soobin whispered against his skin, and Yeonjun was doing everything in his power not to come at the words. Soobin kept going down until his face was right in front of Yeonjun’s hard cock, covered by the fabric on his boxer.

 

Soobin kissed his thighs gently, biting the smooth skin lightly until it went pink before licking it, pecking it. He couldn’t help but bite and live a mark on the younger’s hipbone, the older whining a little loudly at the younger breathing against the sensitive love bite. But Soobin still hadn’t touched the raging area.

 

“Soobinnie,” Yeonjun whined, “please, stop teasing me,” He pleaded again as his fingers ran through Soobin’s muss of hair.

 

“Sorry, baby. You’re just too much, you’re driving me crazy,” Soobin panted, and kissed quickly Yeonjun’s nose when the older blushed.

 

He lowered himself down and finally took off Yeonjun’s boxer, —not without leaving a small kiss on Yeonjun’s covered hard on.

 

When he lowered the boxer and slowly put his hands on Yeonjun’s thighs to spread his legs, and finally saw his boyfriend completely naked, Soobin seriously forgot how to breathe.

 

Yeonjun was simply ethereal.

 

His cock was flushed pink from the strain, the tip glistening with precum. On the base, a little muss of hair that curled until his navel hid small moles that spread like freckles. And finally Soobin saw Yeonjun’s scar, right inside of his thigh, crossing it until it reached his hipbone.

 

Soobin was speechless.

 

He spent so much time looking at the older, that Yeonjun was slowly closing his legs, completely embarrassed.

 

“You’re staring too much...” Yeonjun shied away, hiding his face in the pillow.

 

Soobin was still too hypnotized by the beauty of his boyfriend’s body, finger running through the scar in a ghost touch that left goosebumps running through Yeonjun’s spine.

 

Noticing the way that Yeonjun was shying away in the vulnerable position he was in, Soobin decided to take off his own boxers.

 

“Are you more confortable now?” Soobin whispered. Yeonjun opened his eyes to whine loudly at the sight.

 

Soobin was... big.

 

Yeonjun had not expected that, despite the clear signs (The size of the condoms, for one).

 

Soobin’s cock twitched at the low moans Yeonjun kept throwing, making it look even more imposing. It was veiny and red, and  _God how was it going to fit?_

Soobin noticed the growing panick in Yeonjun’s expression at the sight of his girth and reached his cheeks to cup his flushed face and kiss him languidly, swallowing any worry on the tip of Yeonjun’s tongue.

 

When he pulled away to breathe, Yeonjun whispered, “Babe, I don’t think it will fit...” but Soobin shushed him, licking his lips slowly to calm him down.

 

“We’ll make it work, okay?” Soobin looked at him so intensely, and Yeonjun was _in love_. He nodded shyly and let his boyfriend take care of him. Slowly, Soobin took his hand and started leisurely stroking Yeonjun’s cock as he nipped Yeonjun’s bottom lip, feeling him whimper breathily.

 

“Ah— Soobin...” Yeonjun moaned at the slow pace Soobin stroked him, the precumallowing him to do it with a smooth glide. As he took care of Yeonjun’s weeping cock, he started grinding against Yeonjun’s thighs, until his cock was rubbing Yeonjun’s butt cheeks in the same slow pace.

 

They were both moaning each other’s name as they let their instincs take over in the most intense way.

 

After some time, Soobin felt his tip touching Yeonjun’s quivering hole, making his breath hitch. Yeonjun moaned loudly at the sensation of being touched in a place he never dared touching before.

 

That’s when he remembered.

 

“Soo—Soobin.” He whimpered, but the younger was still so focused on his pace.

 

“Soobin,” Yeonjun repeated, “Stop for a second.” He whined

 

Soobin immediately stopped everything and looked at him in concern. Yeonjun smiled at him sheepishly. Seeing how flushed and panting he was, he felt bad.

 

“Hum... I don’t know how to say this... But, I need to clean myself.” Yeonjun whispered embarrassingly. Soobin just looked at him in confusion. His brain was mush at this point, all he could see was the spit that glistening on Yeonjun’s swollen red lips. He pecked him without thinking.

 

“Hum— babe, did you hear me?”

 

“Yeah,” Soobin pecked him again, “You— you need to.... To what?” He asked dumbly. Yeonjun laughed at how cute the younger was, so lost in their intimacy.

 

“I need to... clean myself before we really start.” He said pointedly. Soobin looked at him for few seconds before he understood and his eyes widened.

 

“Ohhhh, yeah— yeah. Okay.” He said fast. But he still didn’t move an inch, just looking dumbly at Yeonjun.

 

“Can... I go now?” Yeonjun asked, smiling fondly. Soobin nodded dumbly and after more kisses let him go, muttering a “Come back fast, Love.” Yeonjun blushed again.

 

He almost ran to the bathroom, realizing he was butt naked. He then went to the shower to clean his hole the best he could. Having a finger in here was a foreign feeling, it hurt a little, too. He wondered how it was going to be when he’ll have Soobin’s huge... girth inside.

 

After cleaning himself the best he could, without hurting himself too much, he quickly dried himself and left the bathroom, with the lube and condoms.

 

He came back to Soobin, eyes closed, jerking himself off slowly. Yeonjun didn’t know why the younger had that tendency to do it so slowly, even when he did it on Yeonjun himself.

 

But, oh well. He liked it like that too, anyways.

 

When Soobin realized that Yeonjun was back he quickly took his hand off his cock, as if he was being caught. Yeonjun shook his head, dropped the lube and condom on the night table and crawled on him to kiss him and put his hand at the base to stroke Soobin’s long cock with him. Soobin moaned so loudly that Yeonjun’s feared that his neighbors would hear him.

 

They lost each other in this haze for quite some time until Soobin begged him to stop otherwise he would come early. Yeonjun just nodded and they switch to come back to the position they originally were in.

 

Yeonjun spread his legs in the sexiest way and Soobin put himself in between them, desperately trying not to ogle at Yeonjun’s pink quivering hole.

 

As the older stroke himself to make himself hard again, Soobin picked up the lube and poured some on his fingers. He rubbed them together to make it warm, before putting his clean hand in Yeonjun’s trembling thigh and put himself in position.

 

“You ready, baby?”

 

“Y—yeah.” Yeonjun panted.

 

Slowly Soobin pressed one cool finger against his hole. Yeonjun bit his lip in anticipation before whimpering when he felt the thin, long finger slide into him. He felt less discomfort than when he did it to himself in the bathroom, but he still shivered at the sensation of something foreign inside of him.

 

Yeonjun whined as Soobin worked his finger in and out, slowly, the younger looking carefully at his boyfriend’s face to look for any sign of pain.

 

“How does it feel?” Soobin asked quietly, frowning in concern.

 

“Weird, but good weird,” He gasped, a moan slipping past his lips when Soobin slid another finger in to accompany the first, carefully scissoring them apart as he did so. Yeonjun clenched at the feeling and whimpered at the intrusion. He felt tears pooling in his eyes and Soobin kissed them away, whispering words of encouragement.

 

“Look at you, you’re doing so well, Love.” He said against his lips as he slid in and out the fingers until he smoothly breached in a third one, pumping the lube inside. He felt Yeonjun’s walls clench around his digits as the older whined. He was now crying because of the stretch, the pain being a little too much.

 

Soobin cooed and stopped moving his fingers to let Yeonjun calm down a bit. The older was biting his lips, apologies whispered for making Soobin wait but the younger kissed his neck lovingly to tell him that it was okay, to take his time.

 

After few moments Yeonjun pushed himself against the digits to tell Soobin he could work his fingers in and out again. Soobin did so and scissored them leisurely until he pushed them back further looking for that spot that would make Yeonjun’s pain worth it.

 

He pushed them in and out until he heard Yeonjun gasp the loudest moan, as he hit a certain spot.

 

“Oh, God, Soobin—“ Yeonjun moaned, as Soobin pressed his fingers against Yeonjun’s prostate, until the older was whimpering in pleasure, fucking himself against them as he mewled. Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to hold back longer.

 

“I’m— I’m ready Binnie,” Yeonjun breathed out, “Make love to me.” He whispered, too entranced in pleasure to cringe at his words.

 

Soobin nodded quickly, himself flustered by the words, and reached one of the condom on the floor to open it but Yeonjun stopped him.

 

“Soo-Soobin. Don’t use a condom...” Yeonjun asked in a steady voice, even though his whole apparence was disheveled.

 

Soobin gaped at his words, “Are you sure, Love? Isn’t it better if we—“

 

“Soobin. We’re both virgins, and I trust you to not hurt me....” Yeonjun reassures him. When Soobin still looked hesitant, Yeonjun sighed and told him the truth, “... Listen, bunny, I can’t see you— I mean, yes I can, but at the same time I can’t. I just want to feel you all the way through my other senses....” He explained shyly, even though he was anything but in a shy position, leg spread, hole quivering from being suddenly empty.

 

Soobin’s face softened and the younger kissed Yeonjun so, so sweetly, and when he pulled back, he whispered, “Okay...”

 

So, Soobin dropped the condom and took the lube to stroke himself with a generous amount. He also put some more inside of Yeonjun’s hole, apologizing when the older yelped at how cold it was. At this point, Yeonjun was hypersensitive, his sense heightened as the artificial cherry scent invaded the room.

 

When Soobin estimated he had put enough lube not to hurt Yeonjun, he positioned his hard, leaking cock in front of Yeonjun’s dripping hole. He was mesmerized by how his hole caught the tip, as if it was waiting for Soobin’s girth.

 

“Soobinie...” Yeonjun whined at him, getting a little impatient. Soobin snapped out of his daze and slowly pushed his cock inside Yeonjun’s entrance, the older instinctively snaking his arms around Soobin’s torso, his legs wrapping themselves around his hips loosely.

 

“Ahh,” Yeonjun whimpered, as Soobin slowly pushed into him, until he tensed at how big Soobin was. Halfway inside, Soobin stopped to pepper kisses Yeonjun’s face, the older crying because of the burning sensation. Soobin whispered apologies again, but Yeonjun just shook his head hiding it in the younger’s neck.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Yeonjun cried but still let out a, “Yes, keep going,”

 

After some time the younger pushed himself more, so, so slowly, the older racking his nails all over his back, until he was fully seating inside of him, and Yeonjun began to gasp, the pain and pleasure mixing so intensely.

 

Soobin felt Yeonjun tight heat clench around him, squeezing him hotly in a way he never felt before.

 

“Oh my god,” Soobin moaned against Yeonjun’s neck. He didn’t move, to let his boyfriend adjust, and quite frankly he needed some time too, the tightness being overwhelming.

 

Yeonjun was panting, and whimpered when Soobin moved by an inch, so the younger left him some more time. They kissed each other languidly, until they were both on edge, each inch of their body touching in such a way that they felt connected in every way.

 

Five (long) minutes later, Yeonjun finally moved against Soobin, and whispered a strained, “You can move, bunny.” And it was all Soobin needed before he snapped his hips, slowly in a deep first trust.

 

The noise that Yeonjun let out was a mix of an hiss and a mewl that pushed Soobin to keep on thrusting in a painfully slow pace. He, himself, was whimpering because of how tight Yeonjun was, but kept on paying close attention to his reactions. His boyfriend’s confort was far more important than his own pleasure.

 

“Soobin...” Yeonjun mewled against his neck, “You can go harder, babe—Ah! Right here, yes!“ he exhaled at the shivers that went through his spine like electricity when Soobin’s cock hit his sweet spot, the pain dulling until it turned in pure pleasure.

 

Soobin nodded, left a kiss on Yeonjun’s lips before changing his pace from the slow, deep thrusts, to faster, harder ones. The bed shifted from the sudden change, and Yeonjun moaned loudly when he felt the girth massaging his prostate repeatedly.

 

“You’re so tight, hyung,” Soobin moaned, his dick sliding in and out, precum and lube pumping inside of the sensitive hole. Yeonjun practically wailed from the stimulation, one hand gripping Soobin like he was his lifeline, the other stroking his weeping cock.

 

“I love you, so much,” Yeonjun whimpered in the younger’s ears, as he felt Soobin’s balls hitting against his ass with every thrust.

 

Soobin kept the frantic pace as they moaned in each other’s mouths, Yeonjun’s strokes getting faster. “I’m close, baby,” Soobin groaned out, doing everything not to come at the straining tension of Yeonjun’s walls against him.

 

Yeonjun nodded, “Me, too,” his legs wrapping tightly against Soobin’s hips. He rolled his hips in a slow teasing grind, meeting Soobin’s thrust. Soon, Yeonjun came in his fist in a cry of pleasure, his walls clenching tightly and hotly. At the action, the younger couldn’t hold back and came in a long drawn out moan leaving his lips as he spilled inside Yeonjun. They pressed their foreheads together as they panted in each other’s mouth to wait through the waves of pleasure.

 

 

 

After Soobin let the aftershock roll over him, he took Yeonjun’s flushed face in his hands and kisses him in the most gentle way. Yeonjun hummed in the sweet kiss, heart skipping a beat at the gentle graze of Soobin’s thumb against the tears that left Yeonjun’s eyes.

 

“You’re okay? I didn’t hurt you?” Soobin murmured softly. Yeonjun smiled fondly at him, eyes still closed from bliss.

 

“A little, at first. But it was great...” he reassured the younger. He opened his eyes to two dark orbs looking at him with so much emotions that Yeonjun almost closed them again.

 

“You’re sure? You can tell me if you—“

 

“Soobin, you just wrecked me in the most amazing way. Trust me, the pain was worth it,” he cut him, smiling teasingly when the younger blushed. “Are you really blushing like that when you ‘re still inside of me?” He laughed.

 

Soobin’s eyes widened and tried to pull away, but Yeonjun held his back firmly, making both of them shiver at the unintentional thrust. Soobin looked at him with a question in his eyes.

 

“I just want us to stay like that, if it’s okay,” he said sheepishly, Soobin just nodded and smile.

 

“Just let me clean you up,” Soobin moved a little, carefully reaching for some wet wipes on his night table and started gently cleaning the cum on Yeonjun’s stomach and chest. He thoroughly removed almost all of the cum and threw the soil wipe in the trashcan next to his bed.

 

Yeonjun noticed the little spot that Soobin had missed on his chest, “You forgot some, bun—“ then gasped quietly when Soobin licked the drop of cum that he had left.

 

Yeonjun looked at his boyfriend with want, before he laughed at the disgusted expression Soobin had.

 

“Why did you do that?” Yeonjun snickered, stroking Soobin’s hair that fell on his eyes.

 

“I just wanted to see what the fuss was about,” Soobin croaked out, “It’s so bitter, eww.” He whined. Yeonjun kept making fun of him until Soobin started pouting.

 

He took his revenge by grinding inside of Yeonjun, the older’s smile falling as he hissed at the stimulation. Soobin chuckled back and kissed the older. He really couldn’t resist his red plush lips.

 

They kissed leisurely, trying not to move too much to not ignite again something their bodies weren’t ready for. They both ignored how Soobin’s dick was hardening a little more because of Yeonjun’s wet cave holding him tightly.

 

“I’m sleepy,” Yeonjun muttered after they pulled away, Soobin still kissing all over his face. The younger nodded but kept on peppering kisses in the softest way, and Yeonjun thought he would never feel so loved that in this precise moment. “How can you even kiss me like that, I’m all sweaty and sticky,” He whined

 

“You’re all perfect,” Soobin whispered before dropping one last kiss on his forehead. “I’m sleepy too. You want to clean up first?” Yeonjun nodded shyly at all the affection he was receiving.

 

He smiled fondly at the blush that spread all through Yeonjun’s body, “Okay, let’s get you clean up.”

 

So, they did just that. Soobin slowly pulled away, making Yeonjun gasped a the feeling, until he felt his trembling hole gaping at the emptiness, cum and lube spilling out. Although the feeling was a little uncomfortable he didn’t regret askingfor no condoms. Feeling Soobin so close to him, as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, was completely worth it.

 

Besides, Soobin took aftercare super seriously. He helped the older getting on his wobbling feet and practically carried him to the shower to help Yeonjun clean the excess cum and lube dripping out of him. Yeonjun was sleepy so he let him help him clean himself up, feeling Soobin’s fingers inside of him to push the liquids out the best he could. That made him shivered and harden a little, but Soobin didn’t try anything else, knowing that they were both too tired for another round. They just stayed under the running water, washing themselves, and kissing slowly until their hard ons calmed down.

 

After drying both of them, Soobin left Yeonjun in the bathroom two minutes, just the time to change the soiled sheets. When he came back to the shower, Yeonjun was already fighting sleep, and losing miserably. The younger just smiled fondly and dragged them back to the clean bed.

 

Finally, Yeonjun crawled back into the bed, Soobin following him closely. They naturally placed themselves in the most comfortable position, meaning, in each other’s arms.

 

Here Yeonjun was, naked, pulled flush against the most caring, warm, and precious person he ever met, who loved him for who he was, despite his flaws, despite his demons.

 

From this moment on, as Soobin pulled him even closer, kissing his forehead sweetly, and whispering the three words that made his heart leap and him saying them back, he felt like nothing could ever break him anymore.

 

Because Soobin would always be there to glue him back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being with me through this journey, i really love all of you so sooo much
> 
> Please comment, it makes me so happy, you dont even know 💕💕💕💕
> 
> ————
> 
> Also Im gonna rant a little because why not 
> 
> So lately Ive been studying a lot to prepare for this huge exam (not the one in two weeks dw, im not crazy)  
> But the stress has been eating me up.  
> Amd its been Making me just.... SO UGLY.  
> The thing is, ive always loved myself and my body, I always thought i was perfect just the way I was.... up until a few month ago.  
> Now Ive gained weight and clear skin? Idk her. So yeah ive been feeling so insecure about my body, amd so uncomfortable in my clothes i HATE IT. Bc as I said, this last few years ive been working so hard to love myself, so now the insecurities are jumping outttt
> 
> PLUS I HAVE THE ATEEZ CONCERT IN PARIS AND IDK I HAVE VIP HI TOUCH TICKETS AND MY BABY SAN IS GOING TO SEE ME. I CANT LOOK AT SAN OR TOUCH HIS HAND IF I THINK IM UGLY AND FAT!  
> Im so mad at myself bc of that, and maybe it sounds shallow, but i care so much about how i look, always wearing makeup and try to dress up for no reasons... I just love all of this shit. I feel good and happy being pretty (well, feeling pretty at least), but now I gained weight and i really cant go to this concert and feel ugly, its gonna irk me, I just know it.
> 
> WhOOPS IM RAMBLING IM SO SORRY.
> 
> This is like the worst end note ever, I just had to let it all out. 
> 
> Anyways I just need someone to tell me they can relate bc i feel like im so alone on this matter. My friends and jus dont care about how they look as much and they say im beautiful but they’re my friends, support is like a requirement. My sisters are the same. 
> 
> Im 20 and insecure oop
> 
> Anyways thank you again for reading this, i love yall so so much, and ill probably delete this rant in a few days. 
> 
> BYEEEEEE 💕💕💕
> 
> PSS: which Firsts was your favorite? Was the smut okay :(? Dm me on TWT if you wanna be friends


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